10 Months off today!

I cannot believe it has been 10 months.  Those early months were so brutal, I never thought I would make it through.  It was such a struggle to just make it through the day.  My mind was a mess, I could not focus--well my mind was focused on all of the symptoms!  My body was a wreck, no energy, no strength, burning skin, upset stomach, no appetite. 

 

But 10 months later, the symptoms are much less--manageable, but enough to let me know that I am not fully healed.  Yet, I am proud of my progress.  I stuck with it and am starting to reap the rewards. 

 

Improved:

Concentration and focus is much improved.  Probably because I am able to sleep easily on most nights.  I still have some bad nights, but they are few and far between.

 

Strength and fitness:  I am on week 12 of consistent 3 day a week workouts!  I have lost 5lbs and my fitness level is improving.  I'm still weak, but getting better.  I had my physical a couple of weeks ago and my blood pressure is much improved.  Likewise, my blood work is better.  My Dr was thrilled that I came off of the benzos.

 

 

No change symptoms:

Burning skin - always present during a wave. 

 

Muscle weakness and soreness.  I still tire easily and am stiff and sore a lot.  I live with a heating pad.  Some is good soreness from exercising, but still, the stiffness and pain is problematic at times.

 

Stress triggers a wave.  Using techniques I learned in therapy, I can detect the stress and anxiety coming on and am quick to take defensive measures.  These include:

limiting or eliminating caffeine, taking breaks and slowing down (sometimes you have to say NO to things), going for walks, and most importantly, detaching from the online world and current events.  (This is why I have been scarce around here.  I have been offline except for work.  Too much screen time is not good!  I instead do low tech things like read a book or do a jigsaw puzzle, or cook.)

 

For those currently trying to break free,  keep at it.  It is hard work, but it is worth it.  I feel that I have made great progress so far, but I am cautiously optimistic.  Yesterday I had a wave hit that took me back....spent a lot of the day on the couch, bad attitude, sore.  But I know I have to keep my brain in check, otherwise it will spin out negative thoughts constantly.  So instead, I filled up the tub, took a nice long soak, then cooked a nice dinner for my wife and I.  The burning skin was still present when I woke up today, but that is ok, I can deal with it. 

 

Ok, well gotta go.  Am going to take a walk outside. ...

 

 

 

Congrats friend! What we see when we only look back at how far we've come! You're doing great!

Wow!

Congrats RShack

 

I've read some of your posts and I'm in awe of how great you're doing - awesome work!!

I'm still in the thick of it, struggling to get off!

 

I'm going to employ your techniques, and limit my time.

 

How do you find your cognition and memory, I have several engineering degrees and I'm worried, as I can't remember things that I should, I've had to take a medical leave from work, which scares me.

 

Hope you enjoyed your walk!!

 

WinnieDog

 

 

Winnie:

 

Thanks!  I have degrees in Electrical Engineering and Physics.  My cognition is much better, but yes, I am still forgetting things and am not back to where I was.  Just last week on a work call with my team,  my mind went blank.  I just laughed it off. 

 

I find I get overwhelmed easily so I take breaks and forgive myself.  Getting frustrated just makes it worse.

 

Limiting your time on social media, YouTube and avoiding the news will help your mind stay calm.  Give it a try, it works. 

 

Good luck to you on your journey!

10 months away from the drug is 10 months towards freedom from the pain inflicted by these drugs, I'm happy you've reached this milestone. 

Love to read this today, RShack! Congratulations on this milestone!! You and Trina were coming off right as I was realizing I was dealing with interdose wd after short term use. Your story has been informative and inspiring to me, and I thank you for sharing it. Glad to see you’re still cooking for your wife, too. What was on the menu this week?

 

Happy healing and holidays,

Beauty

Outstanding! Yep those first few months are very hard indeed. Thankfully everyday forward is progress towards being healed. I remember those first few months when my mind would not turn off to allow me sleep. Lack of sleep does awful things to the mind but thankfully it does let up and gets better each day, week, month...year!

 

Again, congrats and keep moving forward. keep everyone posted as these wins give people hope and lets them know too they can beat the Benzos.

J

I cannot believe it has been 10 months.  Those early months were so brutal, I never thought I would make it through.  It was such a struggle to just make it through the day.  My mind was a mess, I could not focus--well my mind was focused on all of the symptoms!  My body was a wreck, no energy, no strength, burning skin, upset stomach, no appetite. 

 

But 10 months later, the symptoms are much less--manageable, but enough to let me know that I am not fully healed.  Yet, I am proud of my progress.  I stuck with it and am starting to reap the rewards. 

 

Improved:

Concentration and focus is much improved.  Probably because I am able to sleep easily on most nights.  I still have some bad nights, but they are few and far between.

 

Strength and fitness:  I am on week 12 of consistent 3 day a week workouts!  I have lost 5lbs and my fitness level is improving.  I'm still weak, but getting better.  I had my physical a couple of weeks ago and my blood pressure is much improved.  Likewise, my blood work is better.  My Dr was thrilled that I came off of the benzos.

 

 

No change symptoms:

Burning skin - always present during a wave. 

 

Muscle weakness and soreness.  I still tire easily and am stiff and sore a lot.  I live with a heating pad.  Some is good soreness from exercising, but still, the stiffness and pain is problematic at times.

 

Stress triggers a wave.  Using techniques I learned in therapy, I can detect the stress and anxiety coming on and am quick to take defensive measures.  These include:

limiting or eliminating caffeine, taking breaks and slowing down (sometimes you have to say NO to things), going for walks, and most importantly, detaching from the online world and current events.  (This is why I have been scarce around here.  I have been offline except for work.  Too much screen time is not good!  I instead do low tech things like read a book or do a jigsaw puzzle, or cook.)

 

For those currently trying to break free,  keep at it.  It is hard work, but it is worth it.  I feel that I have made great progress so far, but I am cautiously optimistic.  Yesterday I had a wave hit that took me back....spent a lot of the day on the couch, bad attitude, sore.  But I know I have to keep my brain in check, otherwise it will spin out negative thoughts constantly.  So instead, I filled up the tub, took a nice long soak, then cooked a nice dinner for my wife and I.  The burning skin was still present when I woke up today, but that is ok, I can deal with it. 

 

Ok, well gotta go.  Am going to take a walk outside. ...

 

RShack- thank you for sharing this. It's incredibly motivating for me to see that you can document clear progress at the 10 month stage. So good to hear that you can see fitness improvement, specifically. And yes, the tip about taking a swerve away from online social media and also online news makes so much sense. Good, practical tips. Thanks.

Congrats  :thumbsup:

I am also almost 10 mons off after 20yrs on 1mg benzo. When I compare my progress from 3 mons ago or where I was 6 mons ago it shows a big improvements. I have hope that I will be back to normal one day and that day will be soon hopefully.

As everyone says it does get better with time, lot and lot of time..we just have to keep pushing everyday and hope that one day this will be behind us.  :smitten:

Wow, wonderful news RShack!

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful replies! 

 

I forgot to mention that I went in to my office last week (first time in months) as I needed to pick up some paperwork.  While going through my desk I found a stash of Ativan pills.  I kept a few pills around in case I needed some “help” during the day.  Wow, I can’t believe how dependent I was.  It felt good to throw them out! 

 

I also did one of my therapy exercises for my claustrophobia.  I went into the elevator, let the door close and then counted to 30 before pushing a button.  No problems!  So I continued on and then the elevator went into power saving mode and the light switched off...so I pushed a button and went upstairs.  The idea behind this exercise was to reach me to recognize panic symptoms coming on and to condition myself to breathe my way out of it and stay calm.  It also forces me to face my fears which is also necessary. 

Wow, you are doing amazing RShack!!

 

Thanks for all the advice, I sure hope I can be where you are soon.

 

WinnieDog

Winnie and RShack,

 

I too am an electrical engineer and have an MS in control systems engineering. To assist in my cognitive rehab I started watching YouTube of math problems and started solving problems on my own. I found this difficult at first but I got better. I also started studying power and controls problems. I had to get my brain back. I think it helps. My daughter says I am a geek...I dont think so as I actually enjoy solving problems. I am 63 so its been a while since I did calc and DFG's....

 

Back to earth, congrats to both of you. I am 21 months on Sunday, Dec. 13. I am much better but seem to stuggle with sleep and my emotions are off some. If I can get 7+ hours of sleep I am golden. My wife left me over three years ago and it was probably the best but the loneliness with the covid is difficult.

 

But spring will be here before we know it and I will be ready. I did something not that common for me. I bought me a new toy, a waverunner so I can get out on the water. I live in Hampton Roads VA and we have water all around us so why not???

 

Best wishes and Merry Christmas to everyone.

Wow, so many engineers!!!

 

I'm a civil engineer with a masters in hydrotechnical, and I specialize in stormwater, water resources & hydraulics.

Thankfully, I no longer design, as I'm senior management - I help run half of an engineering department for a large municipality.

 

I have a lot of staff that undertake a lot of the reviews and inspections, so my work didn't require me to do a lot, and I've been able to work from home. I'd been able to keep doing that, albeit with great difficulty and doing nothing else.

 

4 weeks ago, after my colonoscopy, where I got given versed (didn't know it was a benzo), I had to take a medical leave from work, as my brain just wasn't functioning as it should.

 

Even though I don't do design anymore, I still have to review a lot of technical material and write a lot of reports for Council and deal with Councillors and the Mayor on a daily basis. With a lot of high profile projects going on I just wasn't able to complete the work. I couldn't read and comprehend things in order to give my technical opinions to my boss etc. I was even having trouble completing interviews or senior management meetings, as all the people talking would hurt my brain. As my division runs a $2 million budget of which I'm responsible for, I knew I couldn't do what needed to be done.

 

It's pretty scary, as I love my job and was very good at it - I was set to become director when my boss retires in 6 years!

I too am worried about finances - two kids in high school and one to start university next fall, but right now I have to take care of my health and pray that one day I'll be able to go back to my job!

 

J Stone - what a great idea on doing math problems - I had trouble helping my daughter in grade 12 with her math and physics homework. I was even having problems doing simple excel sheets, they were too difficult and hurt my brain.

 

I hope and pray that all of us will get back to the point we were at before.

 

Hope, Faith and Grace are helping me through this (middle names of my girls).

 

WinnieDog

J Stone:  I’m in communication systems design.  Been very busy the past few years with 5g, yes that 5G!  I enjoyed control systems and figured that was where I would end up.  But luck was on my side and cellular phones just started getting popular.  I like your idea of doing math problems, but I get my fill at work and so at home I stick to low tech things.

 

WinnieDog: Civil Engineering was my second choice behind electrical.  So you made the jump into management.  I passed on that as I do not like managing people.  I am reminded of this every time I have to sit in for my manager when he is out! 

 

But congratulations to you on your career, that is very impressive and I know leadership positions are very stressful. 

 

Try to save your mental energy for work by doing low tech things outside of work.  Stay rested and do not be hard on yourself.  Also, at work know that you can say no and you do not need to overload yourself.  Stop, breathe and don’t let things spin out of control.  Please keep us updated on your progress. 

 

 

Congrats!

you were always a few weeks ahead of me being Benzo Free and your positive attitude was a big inspiration for me when I was suffering so much. It can be frustrating at this point thinking symptoms have finally left only for them to reappear 3 months later thank you for always being optimistic. I need that 

Congratulations r shack xx so happy for u x

Glad I could help littlewing. 

 

Thanks Shayna and Icy!

 

It’s funny how being off of benzos made me calmer and more optimistic.  I have even received compliments at work for my optimism.  I didn’t used to be like that let me tell you. 

Fantastic to see so many people on here saying that maths problems helps their brain. I find this too, and it is completely counter-intuitive as I am not very good at maths, and I honestly thought that doing them would stress me out. I'm currently doing fairly low level statistical analysis in social sciences, and I've never more enjoyed using JASP and SPSS. If someone had told me that regularly stretching my brain by doing data analysis would alleviate Benzo symptoms I would have laughed, but it's true. Admittedly my overall performance in life generally is not great, and anxiety over everything from money to just talking to people is appalling and always there, but I really get peace and exhilaration from maths problems. 

That’s great JGT!  Statistics is very important and knowledge of data analysis can help you in so many fields.  Keep at it!

 

Statistics is also the foundation for the theories that are used to develop our digital communications systems. 

Linear Algebra also plays a big part. 

 

Since I work with this stuff all day, I need to go away from it to relax and get my mind off of work.

 

All the best to you!

 

RShack,

 

I am totally ignorant on the basics of cellular comms. I was fairly strong with linear algebra at one time. State space analysis uses it. I would love to have an explanation of how 5G works or even 4G.....

 

Glad you are feeling better....

 

To those that are not comfortable with doing math I would suggest doing crossword puzzles (I am terrible at those) or anything that, as said above, stretches your brain. It is imperative to get the brain working again so it can heal. Write or whatever makes you concentrate.....

 

J

@RShack- Yes, doing statistics for fun is a bit niche, but I enjoy it! I can see why you wouldn't want to take your work home with you, though- it's best to find something different to relax to! But the stats part of my psychology post-grad is definitely my favourite bit.

JStone:  on YouTube there is a series of videos called “Art of the Problem “.  It provides a gentle introduction to Communications Systems theory. 

 

JGT73: Nice that you are enjoying the statistics aspect of your studies!  Math is beautiful. 

 

To the both of you:  Love and hugs from Cleveland, Ohio.  I hope you both have a wonderful holiday.