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4 months in and still need help. Is this normal?


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Hi all,

 

For the past 2 weeks, my symptoms have been mostly manageable.  Anxiety (my worst symptom) was way down during the day and sleep was broken, but I was getting enough.  Then last night, I had extreme anxiety and panic surges again as I was falling asleep.  I couldn't get it to calm down.  Everything that popped into my head--even neutral stuff--made me even more fearful.  I think I eventually passed out after 4 am for an hour or so, but it was one of those in between things that happen when I'm extremely anxious.  Time passes, but I don't feel like I actually fell asleep.

 

I've had high anxiety all day today.  I'm depressed, nauseous, weak, my head feels messed up, and I'm fearful about spending the night alone with extreme anxiety again.  I feel like I just fell back 2-3 months.  I truly thought last night that I'm back in acute; that I've lost all healing progress.  I thought I had turned a corner on this. 

 

Guys, I'm in such despair and I don't know how to make it through this.  Please tell me I didn't fall back to the beginning.  I'm scared I did or ate something that caused this.  I have all these paranoid thoughts in my head and everything seems so menacing and harmful again.  I truly thought I was past this at 4 months.  Is this normal?  I could really use some reassurance, please.  Having trouble holding on today.  :'(

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Yes this is normal and its going to go back and forth for a while, just do the best you can to get through each day knowing it will get better. It just takes longer than we want.
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This is completely normal.  The healing is non-linear.  It will feel like two steps forward and three steps back at times.  You are still healing.    Four months is pretty early.  Have you familiarized yourself with the Ashton Manual? 
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I am somewhat in the same boat, in that I am 8.5 months out and feeling as though I am going backwards.  I had been having some nice windows for a couple of weeks, then, Bam, the day after Thanksgiving I became ill with the good old benzo flue and I am in bed more than out.  My doctor thinks that a combination of too much Thanksgiving  celebrating with rich food and sweets, too much physical activity, and a taste of wine pushed me into a wave.  Plus, I started back on magnesium which may have helped in bringing on this latest wave.  Uugggggg, I would so like to reach even keel as this nonlinear path is very demoralizing!!!!!
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This is 100% normal. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but for many people 4 months is early days. I’m 41 months off and while I’m mountains better than 4 months I still have bad days. I don’t mean to scare you, I think I’m in the minority, but this can take a lot longer than most people realise
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Kamhell -- Thank you for your reassuring words!  It certainly does last longer thank we'd like.  An hour is too long!!  I have a hard time knowing it will get better when I'm in the thick of things (like now).  It seems to last forever and I can't remember what it felt like to be well.  But posts like yours help me to hold onto that faint hope.  Thank you.

 

Decatur -- Thank you so much for your post!  I needed the reminder that 4 months in is still early and that this is normal.  It feels like I'm not healing...  Like I'm just oscillating between sort of manageable to despair and back.  I can't remember what it feels like to be well anymore.  I've read the Ashton Manual and need to keep reading it.  I go back to the protracted section sometimes just to reassure myself that anxiety and depression tend to stick around longer for some folks.  That is certainly the case with me as both are still very troublesome.

 

Gardenguru -- I'm so sorry you're feeling bad again!  You're right, the ups and downs are so hard, especially after you've experienced some relief!  You just want to hold onto those days and never let them go.  I hope you're feeling better today.  I wouldn't think this wave will last long and you'll be back to nice, long windows soon!  Thinking of you today and praying for you.

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Sunshine--Thank you for reassuring me that it's normal.  I worry that I'm back at the beginning when it gets so intense.  I hate that you're still having symptoms so far out, but it sounds like certain healing has and is taking place for you.  I have no doubt that healing will continue for you.  May 2021 be your year!  2020 needs to just exit stage left already for so many reasons. 
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