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I’m dying


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I’m dying I’m almost blind, my eyes doesn’t work anymore, my brain is shutting off, it almost doesn’t work anymore, I can’t talk, I didn’t sleep for 3 weeks, I’m brain dead, I lost all long term and short term memory, I lost all cognitive functions, I almost can’t move my hands and legs anymore, I can’t walk, my brain can’t produce picture anymore, I can’t eat, I’m confused, I’m weak. Sleep state is gone totally gone my brain doesn’t wake up anymore it is sleeping. He couldn’t write this his cousin here. Kindled 10 times, 6 months off it is getting worse and worse.
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Unfortunately this is despair.

 

Been there, it is horrific, I am so sorry but unfortunately this seems to be a normal response to the withdrawals.

 

Warm baths, good food, slow walks, lots of love.  That’s my prescription ❤️

 

Love

Fiercey

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I have almost the same at 11 months without benzos.

I hope you get better soon. The people on this forum are a good example of the fact that all these symptoms disappear without a trace over time.

Hold on!

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A lot of ppl seem to get much worse at 10 months.

It can take many years to heal from this for some ppl.

A lot seem to get much better in year 3-4.

 

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Sorry for your suffering and I'll pray for you

Im dying Im almost blind, my eyes doesnt work anymore, my brain is shutting off, it almost doesnt work anymore, I cant talk, I didnt sleep for 3 weeks, Im brain dead, I lost all long term and short term memory, I lost all cognitive functions, I almost cant move my hands and legs anymore, I cant walk, my brain cant produce picture anymore, I cant eat, Im confused, Im weak. Sleep state is gone totally gone my brain doesnt wake up anymore it is sleeping. He couldnt write this his cousin here. Kindled 10 times, 6 months off it is getting worse and worse.

 

I understand completely how you feel.  I really do.  These drugs destroy our bodies.  I went to the docs a few years ago and she diagnosed me with Memory Impairment, Amnesia and Stuttering.  I can barely talk either.  I also can barely walk myself now; no appetite; insomnia.  I had double vision in my left eye for 13 hours a month or so ago and couldn't see for that long.  I'll pray for you.   

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I’m dying I’m almost blind, my eyes doesn’t work anymore, my brain is shutting off, it almost doesn’t work anymore, I can’t talk, I didn’t sleep for 3 weeks, I’m brain dead, I lost all long term and short term memory, I lost all cognitive functions, I almost can’t move my hands and legs anymore, I can’t walk, my brain can’t produce picture anymore, I can’t eat, I’m confused, I’m weak. Sleep state is gone totally gone my brain doesn’t wake up anymore it is sleeping. He couldn’t write this his cousin here. Kindled 10 times, 6 months off it is getting worse and worse.

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This is me except I tapered, however my WD has been way more like a CT from the beginning. Can yuu oh tell me why you can’t see properly? I’m the same. I now have such blurry vision and peripheral blind spot, floaters and constant vibrating. I kindled too. Nearly ended up on a feeding tube in 2018, reached 98 pounds at 5 foot 7 and the doc said they were getting worried for my heart and health. I genuinely didn’t think I would make it and yet I did, here I am 2 years later worrying I’m dying of a neuro disease now. This process is so very cruel for those of us who are very injured. I got much worse at 6 months physically and seem to only deteriorate in that respect. All I can say is hold on, I’m told this gets a lot better.

[/quote

 

 

Same

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I’m dying I’m almost blind, my eyes doesn’t work anymore, my brain is shutting off, it almost doesn’t work anymore, I can’t talk, I didn’t sleep for 3 weeks, I’m brain dead, I lost all long term and short term memory, I lost all cognitive functions, I almost can’t move my hands and legs anymore, I can’t walk, my brain can’t produce picture anymore, I can’t eat, I’m confused, I’m weak. Sleep state is gone totally gone my brain doesn’t wake up anymore it is sleeping. He couldn’t write this his cousin here. Kindled 10 times, 6 months off it is getting worse and worse.

[/quote

 

 

This is me except I tapered, however my WD has been way more like a CT from the beginning. Can yuu oh tell me why you can’t see properly? I’m the same. I now have such blurry vision and peripheral blind spot, floaters and constant vibrating. I kindled too. Nearly ended up on a feeding tube in 2018, reached 98 pounds at 5 foot 7 and the doc said they were getting worried for my heart and health. I genuinely didn’t think I would make it and yet I did, here I am 2 years later worrying I’m dying of a neuro disease now. This process is so very cruel for those of us who are very injured. I got much worse at 6 months physically and seem to only deteriorate in that respect. All I can say is hold on, I’m told this gets a lot better.

[/

 

 

Same

 

I don’t have blurry vision or floaters, my eyes just doesn’t work, because my brain doesn’t it’s all connected to the brain, I’m completely losing my vision, my brain doesn’t wake up it’s switching off also my vision I’m not completely aware anymore, it is all because of insomnia, I don’t have normal insomnia I lost sleep state completely.

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I don’t have normal insomnia with overactive brain when you can’t sleep, my sleep is totally gone, I don’t have sleep state anymore, my brain doesn’t wake up, it doesn’t switch on and off, I can’t go to sleep because it doesn’t exists anymore, my brain is under active, I don’t even dream anymore because my brain can’t produce picture, I almost don’t see through the day, I can’t think, I don’t have cognitive functions anymore, I don’t have motor skills anymore, my brain works less everyday, there is no brakes for my brain anymore and it is getting worse and worse. I’m weaker everyday, I’m not fully aware anymore I’m stucked between awake and asleep. My brain is completely fried from multiple CTs. I’m dying, I won’t heal. I’m 6 months off.
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Can you get yourself to the docs and let them try to diagnose your problem or maybe go see a neurologist who might be able to see what's really going on inside of you?  They can run tests and maybe you can get a brain MRI. 
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A lot of ppl seem to get much worse at 10 months.

It can take many years to heal from this for some ppl.

A lot seem to get much better in year 3-4.

 

 

Ajusta is right. Year 3-4 is the typical. I may complain about my lingering symptoms, but I only have a couple left. So really I’m just whining at this point compared to where I was.

 

I don’t even remember year 1. To put that into perspective for you. I don’t remember because my brain was off. My mind is 100% back. Which is why the physical symptoms are annoying me more than ever lately. Before, I wasn’t mentally coherent enough to care much or notice them. I was mentally tortured and busy in my mind. Now that my mind is fine, yeah the buzzing and weakness or whatever pops up that day makes me really angry

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Can you get yourself to the docs and let them try to diagnose your problem or maybe go see a neurologist who might be able to see what's really going on inside of you?  They can run tests and maybe you can get a brain MRI.

 

You can do this - I did. I had a brain MRI with contrast. Totally normal. Results showed nothing wrong. This was in year 1. I don’t even remember doing it. So yeah, could just be wd. My memory and brain are back now.

 

Also becks, you told me you have other things going on along with wd right? So understandably you’d want people to check in for other diagnoses. Sometimes there isn’t another issue though.

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Can you get yourself to the docs and let them try to diagnose your problem or maybe go see a neurologist who might be able to see what's really going on inside of you?  They can run tests and maybe you can get a brain MRI.

 

I was at the neurologist few days ago, he didn’t find anything, my MRI and CT are clear, but my brain is shutting off, my sleep is totally gone for weeks now, there is no sleep stage anymore, I don’t know if you people understand but I don’t have normal insomnia, I don’t sleep at all, I don’t get microsleeps I’m weaker everyday, more confused everyday, I almost can’t see anymore, my brain almost doesn’t work anymore I don’t have motor skills anymore, I don’t even know how I’m writing this, I don’t know people I used to know, I lost all long term and short term memory, IQ, I can’t talk anymore. I progressively lost sleep, sleep doesn’t exists anymore, I’m not feeling awake anymore, I’m not fully alert, my brain is sleeping, force that was in my brain keeping it working is almost gone. When I try to sleep for a minute or two I can’t and my brain is trying to produce dreams while I’m not even asleep but I can’t dream, my brain can’t produce picture because I can’t see I just can’t put my brain to sleep because it isn’t awake anymore u can’t put to sleep something that isn’t awake. My brain is slower everyday.

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Are you seeing a therapist?  Each of your posts is the same theme and I understand the desperation you feel from lack of sleep but how much of this is a self fulfilling prophecy?  By focusing so much on not sleeping you enable the fear that will keep you from sleeping. 

 

I don't understand when you say your brain is shutting down, it obviously isn't because you can type, because your body breathes in and out, because you can move your arms and legs, your neck and head, because you can walk.  The fear you're allowing to fester is destroying your quality of life, and believe me I know about fear, it's a huge withdrawal symptom but it's not real, it's a product of the drug, try not to give it anymore power over you than it already has.   

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Are you seeing a therapist?  Each of your posts is the same theme and I understand the desperation you feel from lack of sleep but how much of this is a self fulfilling prophecy?  By focusing so much on not sleeping you enable the fear that will keep you from sleeping. 

 

I don't understand when you say your brain is shutting down, it obviously isn't because you can type, because your body breathes in and out, because you can move your arms and legs, your neck and head, because you can walk.  The fear you're allowing to fester is destroying your quality of life, and believe me I know about fear, it's a huge withdrawal symptom but it's not real, it's a product of the drug, try not to give it anymore power over you than it already has. 

 

I can barely see I don’t have blurry vision or floathers I just can’t see my eyes almost doesn’t work, I can barely move my arms and legs I don’t have coordination, I can’t even eat because I don’t have motor skills in my arms, I don’t walk I’m bedridden and weak, I don’t even know how I’m typing this, I have a help from my cousin, I breathe really hard, I can’t think there is almost nothing in my head anymore, I can’t recall anything, my brain barely work, I’m staring into space and can’t do anything, it’s hard to describe what I feel, but it isn’t normal benzo withdrawal, my brain is not getting better, it’s slower everyday. My brain is gonna give up without sleep, I can feel it. My eyes are a sign that my brain is shutting off, because they almost don’t work, it’s all connected to the brain, I can’t see a therapist because I can’t think and talk.

 

Edit: Profanity

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Are you seeing a therapist?  Each of your posts is the same theme and I understand the desperation you feel from lack of sleep but how much of this is a self fulfilling prophecy?  By focusing so much on not sleeping you enable the fear that will keep you from sleeping. 

 

I don't understand when you say your brain is shutting down, it obviously isn't because you can type, because your body breathes in and out, because you can move your arms and legs, your neck and head, because you can walk.  The fear you're allowing to fester is destroying your quality of life, and believe me I know about fear, it's a huge withdrawal symptom but it's not real, it's a product of the drug, try not to give it anymore power over you than it already has. 

 

I can barely see I don’t have blurry vision or floathers I just can’t see my eyes almost doesn’t work, I can barely move my arms and legs I don’t have coordination, I can’t even eat because I don’t have motor skills in my arms, I don’t walk I’m bedridden and weak, I don’t even know how I’m typing this, I have a help from my cousin, I breathe really hard, I can’t think there is almost nothing in my head anymore, I can’t recall anything, my brain barely work, I’m staring into space and can’t do anything, it’s hard to describe what I feel, but it isn’t normal benzo withdrawal, my brain is not getting better, it’s slower everyday. My brain is gonna give up without sleep, I can feel it.

 

Edit: Profanity

 

I believe you're feeding a false narrative that your brain is shutting down, you're posting thoughtful and complete sentences, you're not making your case.  I feel you're right in one of your observations though and that this is not normal benzo withdrawal, I implore you to seek the help of a therapist who does not believe in treating their patients with drugs, you've had far too many of those in the past. 

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Are you seeing a therapist?  Each of your posts is the same theme and I understand the desperation you feel from lack of sleep but how much of this is a self fulfilling prophecy?  By focusing so much on not sleeping you enable the fear that will keep you from sleeping. 

 

I don't understand when you say your brain is shutting down, it obviously isn't because you can type, because your body breathes in and out, because you can move your arms and legs, your neck and head, because you can walk.  The fear you're allowing to fester is destroying your quality of life, and believe me I know about fear, it's a huge withdrawal symptom but it's not real, it's a product of the drug, try not to give it anymore power over you than it already has. 

 

I can barely see I don’t have blurry vision or floathers I just can’t see my eyes almost doesn’t work, I can barely move my arms and legs I don’t have coordination, I can’t even eat because I don’t have motor skills in my arms, I don’t walk I’m bedridden and weak, I don’t even know how I’m typing this, I have a help from my cousin, I breathe really hard, I can’t think there is almost nothing in my head anymore, I can’t recall anything, my brain barely work, I’m staring into space and can’t do anything, it’s hard to describe what I feel, but it isn’t normal benzo withdrawal, my brain is not getting better, it’s slower everyday. My brain is gonna give up without sleep, I can feel it.

 

Edit: Profanity

 

I believe you're feeding a false narrative that your brain is shutting down, you're posting thoughtful and complete sentences, you're not making your case.  I feel you're right in one of your observations though and that this is not normal benzo withdrawal, I implore you to seek the help of a therapist who does not believe in treating their patients with drugs, you've had far too many of those in the past.

 

But I wasn’t that bad till last CT from benzos, so it’s all benzos, if other drugs would harm me, I would be that bad before last CT from benzos, I was actually feeling good on Seroquel and Paxil last year, while tapering benzos, I could function, I could sleep, but I went off because one woman said I won’t heal from benzos if I’m on those two drugs, a big mistake, but now they don’t work anymore, they’ve put me on and off benzos four more times even when they didn’t work anymore, I pleased them no more benzos but they pushed them on me, I said they don’t work they will harm me, but they didn’t care, my brain is fried because of that. I can’t get better without sleep.

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I didn't say it wasn't benzo withdrawal, I was agreeing with you that it's not normal benzo withdrawal, there is more going on with you than that.  You've been traumatized from these medications and the cold turkey's you've been forced to endure and in my opinion, a therapist to help you deal with this trauma would be helpful. 

 

What tools are you using to calm yourself, do you meditate, are you using CBT, what do you do to distract yourself, have you tried cannabis to give you a break from your looping thoughts?

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I didn't say it wasn't benzo withdrawal, I was agreeing with you that it's not normal benzo withdrawal, there is more going on with you than that.  You've been traumatized from these medications and the cold turkey's you've been forced to endure and in my opinion, a therapist to help you deal with this trauma would be helpful. 

 

What tools are you using to calm yourself, do you meditate, are you using CBT, what do you do to distract yourself, have you tried cannabis to give you a break from your looping thoughts?

 

I can’t distract, I can’t use my brain at all, I don’t feel anxiety, I don’t feel anything my brain is fried I can do anything and nothing works, cannabis made me hallucinating, bad trip, I don’t have looping thoughts I don’t have thoughts at all, my brain is totally empty and damaged, I need my cousin to put all that together on that forum, because I can’t communicate, I’m like a vegetable. Neuro Doctor told me that killed brain cells doesn’t regrow, only damaged one.

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Your neurologist has determined you have brain cell death, what are the next steps for you, is there no hope for recovery from this?

 

I don’t know he didn’t say anything, he just said my brain functionality is damaged, brain cells are killed he doesn’t have any other explanation, because MRI and CT didn’t show anything.

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Your brain isn’t shutting down. This is how acute wd felt for me too. Therapy won’t help. Time will

 

 

And your neurologist is guessing because he has no idea about withdrawal. Maybe it is brain cells death? But they grow back. I remember feeling the exact same way for a year. Whatever causes this goes away. No doctor could figure me out either. My MRI was clear. I am telling you....I don’t remember my first year and I barely had any idea what was even happening to me.

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Maybe your doc should have done a functional MRI or SPECT scan that shows the activity in the brain rather than the still MRI's and CT's?
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