Does Company with other people actually help withdrawal?

Hi everyone,

 

I’m not sure if this is the right place for this post - admin feel free to move it if there’s a better home for this subject!

 

So prior & during Benzo’s I led a pretty solitary life,  I’m

47, single, run my own business & it wasn’t an odd thing for me to go months at a time without speaking to someone I didn’t either get paid by (clients) or people I paid )staff, doctors etc).  It was lonely but I dealt with it way better than during withdrawal.

 

So I’m on holiday, I’d hoped I would feel way better being off work & away from stress. Ummmmm not really. I think I feel worse.  I spent 3 days with a childhood friend & whilst she chatted a lot about COVID & her kid’s I was in a really good window - even able to see the horrid state I had previously been in. 

 

I’m wondering if solitude is not good for withdrawal? Is it better to have company? I’m not sure what to do as I don’t have very many friends In the city I live in & the city is very insular & dog way dog so to speak. 

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks so

Much.

I don't think it's a case of "one size fits all". Perhaps a good way to look at it is that the vast majority of humans need company at times as well as solitude at other times. Withdrawal seems to have a way of distorting our needs. So there could be times when we desperately need to be alone and other times when we desperately need company. Sometimes it might not be so obvious what is best, since confusion seems to abound quite often.

 

In your case, sounds like it's been so long since you had company that it fulfilled a need that you perhaps weren't aware of. Or perhaps it is more accurate to call it a tease since it didn't quite fulfill that need and now you have a taste, you want more company. I think it has as much to do with you life situation as any other factor. Now it's like you're on a comedown from the high with nothing much to distract you from it.

 

I think it's best to try to maintain a balance of plenty of time alone resting without going too long without social contact. That's not always possible due to circumstances and severity of symptoms but if it's possible, it's a good idea.

I think it helps to be with people!

But I am totally a people person though!

I think we all need it just at different amounts

Hi, like you I am not a people person. I too, lived a solitary life and was ok with it. But, I have noticed that being around people helps because I mimic their happiness and ordinary living. If I am around someone smiling, I smile. If I am around someone talking about covid, I begin to focus on that as a social issue and not the benzo pandemic happening to me. So, for me, it helps because I mimic being normal. Also, it passes the time.

Bess I personally found that being around my extended family helps a lot. I don’t get to see them as much because of covid but when I do, it helps. The distraction is good and their ease about life, making jokes etc does rub off even if it’s just for a little while. So I’d say make it a point to engage with family/friends if you can.

I've noticed that being out and about with people is helpful, whether it's my family or friends. Being at home alone used to be great for me but not so much anymore because I'm left with a feeling of inner agitation that I can't shake. I think being around people helps distract in this, personally.

Bess I personally found that being around my extended family helps a lot. I don’t get to see them as much because of covid but when I do, it helps. The distraction is good and their ease about life, making jokes etc does rub off even if it’s just for a little while. So I’d say make it a point to engage with family/friends if you can.

 

Thanks.  All My family life in another country. I’m on holiday at the moment & more than having an adventure - I’m craving company - so I’ve retreated to a friends place.  It definitely helps.  I am a perplexed person but It’s being with the right people if that makes sense.  I hope you’re having an ok day. )

I think Diaz-e-BAM hit the nail on the head. For me, it's a case of (i) the time and (ii) the quality of the company. Since being off the benzos, I have found that I shun company, and even when I proactively seek it out, I find that after a relatively short space of time, it actually fatigues me to such an extent that I have to retreat into solitude again. As I used to be a very sociable person, this would have hitherto been a problem for me. But one of the strange positives for me coming off benzos is that I am now actually much more relaxed in my own company, and do not fear it any more. Rather, now I get a little too comfortable in my own company, so I have to force myself to seek it out, mainly for the benefits that do come from socialising. I do sometimes wish that there were people locally I could socialise with who were also going through benzo-recovery, though. The understanding you get from a fellow benzo-recovery person is sometimes on a different level to those who haven't been through it. Obviously this forum is an excellent alternative, but I do miss the real world interaction of talking to people face-to-face about things who have been through a similar experience.

I am basically an introvert.  But even introverts have their limits on being alone.  I moved to this city right at the start of the pandemic.  I know no one.  I have not one friend here.  I have no job.  I live alone.  My nearest family is 3 hours drive away.  Wow.  I am alone all day everyday.  Saying hello to the grocery clerk begins to feel like socializing.  I am lonely.  I am looking for a job.  It has not been easy.  Is why you find me on BB a lot.  I feel better to have someone to chat with at least sometimes. 

I am basically an introvert.  But even introverts have their limits on being alone.  I moved to this city right at the start of the pandemic.  I know no one.  I have not one friend here.  I have no job.  I live alone.  My nearest family is 3 hours drive away.  Wow.  I am alone all day everyday.  Saying hello to the grocery clerk begins to feel like socializing.  I am lonely.  I am looking for a job.  It has not been easy.  Is why you find me on BB a lot.  I feel better to have someone to chat with at least sometimes.

 

I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time.  I do see you are med free - well done you! You are brave & courageous.  You are strong & doing so so well.  I do not mean to offer you advice about the isolation thing - it is hard.  I am sure you have tried many many avenues but I thought of this.  Could you volunteer at a local soup kitchen Tor the homeless? Could you volunteer with a nursing home to go & sit with their residents & listen to Orioles stories? Could you volunteer at an animal shelter to walk the dogs? Keep on with what you are doing - you are amazing.

@Healing 64- that's a really tough gig. I know that feeling of chronic loneliness. It's one of the worst side effects of the post-Benzo phase, but socialising in different online forums- whilst no substitute for the actual periodic physical presence of a hand to hold, or just a conversation in real life, is definitely better than nothing. I try and maintain different fun online group presences. I am no fan of Facebook, but occasionally, it's a necessary evil, just to have a jokey chat with someone. Similarly with *SOME* reddit forums. But pick a reddit sub that is nothing to do with Benzos and which has friendly people on it. Too many reddit subs have mean-spirited people or trolls on it. But equally, there are some subs with some really friendly, genuine people, and I have enjoyed chatting with them online too. Just stick away from reddit subs that have anything to do with Diaz, Politics, or "brutal" humour, and as with life, maintain a hardhat policy when engaging with strangers.