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Off Valium after 17 years, no symptoms, on Paxil


[Fr...]

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I've been taking at least 20 mg Valium daily since 2003. I was diagnosed with PTSD (ex military) back then but it was a just a burn out and I wanted out with sick leave. Since I really liked that benzo calm feeling I continued taking Valium as much as I felt, usually 10 mg immediately after waking up. So I really was a heavy user. Last year, in September I stopped sleeping, abruptly and brutally. I could manage to get three hours of sleep at night, waking after each hour. Anxiety followed immediately, really nasty kind of anxiety and both insomnia and that anxiety did not react to high doses of Valium or Ambien so I thought I hit the tolerance level and decided to taper Valium down from 12 mg and IT WAS A MISTAKE. It took me nine months to reach 2 mg and my sleep was between 0 hours and 3 hours daily, panic attacks came in around 5 mg and I was going crazy. I had a silent reflux that caused asthma and all kind of horrible symptoms, muscle stiffness, teeth grinding, heart palpitations etc. So, during first European lockdown, I realized I can't go on like that anymore and reached one good psychiatrist by phone and she gently told me that I'm an idiot and that I'm gonna get hurt even more if I continue with my taper. She recommended Paxil for panic attacks and mirtazapin (Remeron in US) for sleep. I knew that I have to reintroduce benzos because of initial anxiety that SSRIs bring and that's why I didn't start SSRIs before, I tried Lexapro (escitalopram) but my anxiety would become monstrous. So I stared taking Valium again, 15 mg, Paxil and Mirtazapin on May 15th this year. Mirtazapin put me to sleep immediately, it took about one month for Paxil to start working and three months to bring me back to my former self.  After three months I started to taper down Valium again and it went down without any problems, from 10 to zero in three months. I jumped from 1 mg on October 21st.

So in retrospect I MADE A MISTAKE. Something else happened to me, I don't know what, most probably a depression so I should have asked for help and not self-diagnose myself with benzo tolerance and withdrawal. I should have started taking SSRIs back in September last year and I would probably skip the most difficult and utterly humiliating part of my life. I am happy to be alive and forever grateful to people who invented antidepressants.

My advice for you still in the withdrawal is this - ask for help, your symptoms might become to hard and they might harm you. I think that I would die if not for mirtazapin, my insomnia was destroying me. I know that it is hard to come off Paxil but that's nothing compared to what I went through. If my depression with its insomnia and anxiety come back I will be taking SSRIs or whatever for life.

And if I with my 17 years of heavy Valium abuse can do it so can you. But PLEASE be kind to yourself and don't do what I did, don't torture yourself if your symptoms become to hard. If taking a SSRI means that you'll have to temporarily go back on benzos, do as your psychiatrist says.

That's it. Wish you all good night and good luck. :) 

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I just want to say how much I admire your ability to not only be able to tell this story, but to continue to work to make it through what sounds like the most difficult of times.  From PTSD, to benzos, to withdraw hell, to insomnia, to, well I need not repeat it all, you said it all!

 

What ever it takes to regaining your health, I say, do it and you have.  But to stand brave and share it, again, I applaud you!

 

Be well, be safe, be able to taste life, as it's precious and we have no idea how much time we have here!

 

Please stay here on BB and let us know how you're doing.

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
[22...]
I've just read your story  I have hiatus hernia oesophagitis gastritis and it can burn be inflamed for hours all un my back.desoite ppis. Gets real right all around middle like a rope. I will go nuts not sleeping days weeks. I am on 2 yes Zopiclone 3 yrs clonaz one year mirtaz. Drugs knocked me out till 5 a.m. then she switched me to diaz 4mg. Sooo dry mouth . Acid reflux seems worse. Now cut to 3mg diaz in last 6 weeks. Hyper wide awake most nights cant lay still sexual urges never had before restless legs. Food definitely affects way this diaz works as never a prob on clonaz. I've driven my grown kids crazy. They have had enough of trying to help be patient. Moods vary from depressed to aggressive and got agoraphobia. Clonaz and zop.initially for restless legs and insomnia. Felt like shite last 6bweeks cutting 1 mg of diaz. Nearly called a balance the other night due to burning pain but fell asleep and this is one reason I dread coming off z and diaz. Also severe constipation since diaz despite my laxatives. Your story I read with amazement and hope
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  • 2 years later...
On 22/11/2020 at 17:02, [[F...] said:

I've been taking at least 20 mg Valium daily since 2003. I was diagnosed with PTSD (ex military) back then but it was a just a burn out and I wanted out with sick leave. Since I really liked that benzo calm feeling I continued taking Valium as much as I felt, usually 10 mg immediately after waking up. So I really was a heavy user. Last year, in September I stopped sleeping, abruptly and brutally. I could manage to get three hours of sleep at night, waking after each hour. Anxiety followed immediately, really nasty kind of anxiety and both insomnia and that anxiety did not react to high doses of Valium or Ambien so I thought I hit the tolerance level and decided to taper Valium down from 12 mg and IT WAS A MISTAKE. It took me nine months to reach 2 mg and my sleep was between 0 hours and 3 hours daily, panic attacks came in around 5 mg and I was going crazy. I had a silent reflux that caused asthma and all kind of horrible symptoms, muscle stiffness, teeth grinding, heart palpitations etc. So, during first European lockdown, I realized I can't go on like that anymore and reached one good psychiatrist by phone and she gently told me that I'm an idiot and that I'm gonna get hurt even more if I continue with my taper. She recommended Paxil for panic attacks and mirtazapin (Remeron in US) for sleep. I knew that I have to reintroduce benzos because of initial anxiety that SSRIs bring and that's why I didn't start SSRIs before, I tried Lexapro (escitalopram) but my anxiety would become monstrous. So I stared taking Valium again, 15 mg, Paxil and Mirtazapin on May 15th this year. Mirtazapin put me to sleep immediately, it took about one month for Paxil to start working and three months to bring me back to my former self.  After three months I started to taper down Valium again and it went down without any problems, from 10 to zero in three months. I jumped from 1 mg on October 21st.

So in retrospect I MADE A MISTAKE. Something else happened to me, I don't know what, most probably a depression so I should have asked for help and not self-diagnose myself with benzo tolerance and withdrawal. I should have started taking SSRIs back in September last year and I would probably skip the most difficult and utterly humiliating part of my life. I am happy to be alive and forever grateful to people who invented antidepressants.

My advice for you still in the withdrawal is this - ask for help, your symptoms might become to hard and they might harm you. I think that I would die if not for mirtazapin, my insomnia was destroying me. I know that it is hard to come off Paxil but that's nothing compared to what I went through. If my depression with its insomnia and anxiety come back I will be taking SSRIs or whatever for life.

And if I with my 17 years of heavy Valium abuse can do it so can you. But PLEASE be kind to yourself and don't do what I did, don't torture yourself if your symptoms become to hard. If taking a SSRI means that you'll have to temporarily go back on benzos, do as your psychiatrist says.

That's it. Wish you all good night and good luck. :) 

Hi @[Fr...].....huge congrats and thanks for sharing.

I am having a similar experience using a little Lexapro trying to get off valium......👍

Please continue to update from time to time.

 

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On 22/11/2020 at 16:02, [[F...] said:

I've been taking at least 20 mg Valium daily since 2003. I was diagnosed with PTSD (ex military) back then but it was a just a burn out and I wanted out with sick leave. Since I really liked that benzo calm feeling I continued taking Valium as much as I felt, usually 10 mg immediately after waking up. So I really was a heavy user. Last year, in September I stopped sleeping, abruptly and brutally. I could manage to get three hours of sleep at night, waking after each hour. Anxiety followed immediately, really nasty kind of anxiety and both insomnia and that anxiety did not react to high doses of Valium or Ambien so I thought I hit the tolerance level and decided to taper Valium down from 12 mg and IT WAS A MISTAKE. It took me nine months to reach 2 mg and my sleep was between 0 hours and 3 hours daily, panic attacks came in around 5 mg and I was going crazy. I had a silent reflux that caused asthma and all kind of horrible symptoms, muscle stiffness, teeth grinding, heart palpitations etc. So, during first European lockdown, I realized I can't go on like that anymore and reached one good psychiatrist by phone and she gently told me that I'm an idiot and that I'm gonna get hurt even more if I continue with my taper. She recommended Paxil for panic attacks and mirtazapin (Remeron in US) for sleep. I knew that I have to reintroduce benzos because of initial anxiety that SSRIs bring and that's why I didn't start SSRIs before, I tried Lexapro (escitalopram) but my anxiety would become monstrous. So I stared taking Valium again, 15 mg, Paxil and Mirtazapin on May 15th this year. Mirtazapin put me to sleep immediately, it took about one month for Paxil to start working and three months to bring me back to my former self.  After three months I started to taper down Valium again and it went down without any problems, from 10 to zero in three months. I jumped from 1 mg on October 21st.

So in retrospect I MADE A MISTAKE. Something else happened to me, I don't know what, most probably a depression so I should have asked for help and not self-diagnose myself with benzo tolerance and withdrawal. I should have started taking SSRIs back in September last year and I would probably skip the most difficult and utterly humiliating part of my life. I am happy to be alive and forever grateful to people who invented antidepressants.

My advice for you still in the withdrawal is this - ask for help, your symptoms might become to hard and they might harm you. I think that I would die if not for mirtazapin, my insomnia was destroying me. I know that it is hard to come off Paxil but that's nothing compared to what I went through. If my depression with its insomnia and anxiety come back I will be taking SSRIs or whatever for life.

And if I with my 17 years of heavy Valium abuse can do it so can you. But PLEASE be kind to yourself and don't do what I did, don't torture yourself if your symptoms become to hard. If taking a SSRI means that you'll have to temporarily go back on benzos, do as your psychiatrist says.

That's it. Wish you all good night and good luck. :) 

You’re awesome. Thanks a lot for posting 

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