Lost my looks, my body....my life!

 

Of all the horrible symptoms we suffer with each day, physical, mental, emotional....what about all this has done to our outward appearances?  I used to take care in how I presented myself to the world.  Showered daily, sometimes twice, always did my hair and makeup (not to an extreme, just so I could feel confident), dressed nicely, walked with my head up and a smile for everyone I met.  Confident in my ability to go up to strangers and start a conversation and feel respected and liked.

 

Now, two years later I can't even shower, let alone take care of my hair, looks, body.  This has destroyed everything about my outward appearance.  I have gone gray, lost so much hair, the texture of my hair is slimy and sticky feeling (even after washing), have gained so much weight from being immobile, my face is all broken out and greasy and the rest of the skin on my body is dry, peeling and looks so old. My eyes look like someone who's extremely deranged.  They have lost their color, I have bags and they are ALWAYS swollen.  My eyes were so bright and blue now they are a dull gray without any spark.

 

I can't even look anyone in the eye anymore (and I'm talking about my husband and children, since they are the only ones I see because I am housebound).  How can I ever go back out into the world like this even if my brain and physical torture gets better?  I don't have hair that I can just pull back in a ponytail because of the extreme loss and texture.  I don't have skin that looks even one bit okay without foundation on. I don't have any clothes that fit me anymore because of the extreme weight gain.  And I have a closet full of beautiful clothing.

 

The people who have seen me since this terrible injury happened look at me as if I am a disgrace and the kindness and compliments I used to get, even from strangers, has turned into people treating me like I am a castaway. 

 

How, how can I face the world again like this even if I ever heal?  I know there has to be others out here who have lost their appearances too.  How do we get our self-confidence back when our appearances have been destroyed?

I have no idea but I feel the same way. I used to be a runner and a gym fanatic, had amazing hair (I’m a hairdresser) and looked pretty good for my age. Now .... wow. I hope I don’t run into people I used to know because I look like I’ve been in a concentration camp. It’s changed the way I look I doubt I’ll ever go back to how I used to look again. But I’ll take that if it means “feeling” normal again. Because when we feel good, we look good. Well as much as someone who has gone thru a massive life changing trauma can look good! I’m sure burns victims wish for this all the time too. When I get down about it I think of them. And then I stop and I’m just greatful for what I do have. X we have a chance at healing and we just have to keep moving towards that goal x

How to go on?  Practice acceptance and forgiveness.

The people who have seen me since this terrible injury happened look at me as if I am a disgrace and the kindness and compliments I used to get, even from strangers, has turned into people treating me like I am a castaway. 

 

How, how can I face the world again like this even if I ever heal?  I know there has to be others out here who have lost their appearances too.  How do we get our self-confidence back when our appearances have been destroyed?

I think I can help you with these parts. Yes, people will react differently to you since you are different to before. People are judgemental as hell (my judgement) but they don't understand what you are going through. This gets easier if you can care less what others think about you. They have no idea what is happening so their opinion, whether expressed in words or through dirty looks, is quite simply invalid and irrelevant. You know who you really are. I would say in addition to this, though, the benzo withdrawal skews our perception as well. Dirty looks appear even dirtier. Everything goes through this filter that makes everything a little worse than it really is.

 

The last part though... how can I face the world again like this? It doesn't happen like you might expect. As you recover, you start to regain those things which you like about yourself and lose some of the things you don't like. You get your confidence back, then you start to become more proactive, then your appearance comes back, before you know it you are better than ever. In theory. The way you see the world now is not the same as it'll be when you're further down the road to recovery.

 

To get through the difficult here and now, it's better to restrict our worrying to what we can see is wrong, rather than speculating about what might be wrong in the future. And try not to worry too much about the things that are genuine concerns too. Easier said than done, I know. I found it easier to get through when I reminded myself that the mess I was in didn't represent the real me, and also knowing that it's temporary even if it feels like forever.

 

You're going to be alright.

How to go on?  Practice acceptance and forgiveness.

 

Serious question: how do you "practice" acceptance? By just saying "I accept this symptom" or is there more to it than that? I'm struggling with acceptance myself.

Remove judgement and negative self-talk. Things are as they are at least for a little while and the only control you have is to not be consumed by the weight of what you're going through. Since your mindset is the only thing you can really exert any control over, best to practice doing that rather than getting caught up with what you can't alter.

 

If you find yourself thinking "I can't cope with this" or "I won't survive another day" or "my life is over", don't give them any more life by repeating them all the time. The power of intention is well understood. If you say "I can't cope with this", you mean it as a comment on how bad you're feeling, it's an expression. But if you keep telling yourself and others that, it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy, and your ability to cope is reduced. These are not good mantras to be repeating to yourself. They harm your progress.

 

Remove judgement and negative self-talk. Things are as they are at least for a little while and the only control you have is to not be consumed by the weight of what you're going through. Since your mindset is the only thing you can really exert any control over, best to practice doing that rather than getting caught up with what you can't alter.

 

If you find yourself thinking "I can't cope with this" or "I won't survive another day" or "my life is over", don't give them any more life by repeating them all the time. The power of intention is well understood. If you say "I can't cope with this", you mean it as a comment on how bad you're feeling, it's an expression. But if you keep telling yourself and others that, it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy, and your ability to cope is reduced. These are not good mantras to be repeating to yourself. They harm your progress.

 

Thank you, that is helpful. It reminds me of these:

 

"I do my best and let go of the rest."

 

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Wise words Diaz and Ann x

I've had the same thinking over these past few months, as I evolved into the wd pit of hell.

Even though it bothers me and frankly downright scares me a lot of the time - I'm learning to understand that this is temporary.

Albeit, that temporary maybe for a year or so (or more), I know I'll get my good looking self back.

My family love me for me, not how I look!

My husband actually told me he married me, not my hair (as I'm losing so much hair, I might need to get a wig - well so be it, I'll get a wig).

 

If I have to go out for appointments, I do try to find clothes that look good and fit (I'm skeletal now), just to try and keep up appearances etc.

 

It helps me a bit to do this. I can't wear makeup, as it burns my face, and frankly with the masks, no one can see your entire face anyway.

 

If you find that you don't have any nice things to wear that fit you, maybe order a few things online that may help you feel better, even if they are just nice pj's or lounge wear for around the house.

 

I'm just where you are, except I'm in extreme tolerance and still trying to get off - but have similar symptoms.

 

You are so much more than looks, if people can't see that, then they aren't the right people in your life.

 

It's so hard, I know, but this is temporary and everyone's temporary may be longer than others, but it is temporary!!!

 

Hugs,

WinnieDog

 

 

I’m really happy I found this thread. And totally needed it ! I was getting very down on my appearance .. I notice in waves I look way worse.

Prior to this I took very good care of myself. But you’re so right winniedog .. our families love us for us. My 7 year old boy tells me I’m pretty all the time. And I thank him. My hair too .. I’ve lost a ton. But my sister gave me a compliment on it it last week. I had straightened it and it’s really long. I’m actually happy about masks right now for this very reason lol. My skin has took a beating too... but that heals as well.

I read this thread and just wanted to say it is one of the most insightful and touching I've read and evokes true thought and purpose for the reason we're all here.  I feel the pain those of you share, the comments of hope and it reminds me that there are good people here, all with a common purpose and some period of hell, that we must survive.  If only.... More people can become aware of what benzos, psych drugs might bring, maybe they'd pause, prior to heading down this path.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-drug therapy, some need something.  But wouldn't it be better if doctors were better informed and could give us information to make informed, maybe different decisions.  OK, off my soapbox.  "Acceptance and Forgiveness" powerful practices!

How to go on?  Practice acceptance and forgiveness.

 

Serious question: how do you "practice" acceptance? By just saying "I accept this symptom" or is there more to it than that? I'm struggling with acceptance myself.

 

Acceptance is actually very simple.  It's the simple truth without all of the judgment, speculation, explanation, hand-waving, guilt, worry, anger, etc.  We humans make up a lot of storyline, and it can interfere with seeing life as it really is. 

 

The only downside I'm aware of is having less gossip to share, but that might be a good thing too.

I feel the same way right now. I've lost muscle mass and my skin looks always red, my eyes are very dry so they are also red.... I have very big dark eyes and I cannot even put mascara .

I know how you feel but I think things will go back to normal, it just takes time...

much love

Blossom

I've had the same thinking over these past few months, as I evolved into the wd pit of hell.

Even though it bothers me and frankly downright scares me a lot of the time - I'm learning to understand that this is temporary.

Albeit, that temporary maybe for a year or so (or more), I know I'll get my good looking self back.

My family love me for me, not how I look!

My husband actually told me he married me, not my hair (as I'm losing so much hair, I might need to get a wig - well so be it, I'll get a wig).

 

If I have to go out for appointments, I do try to find clothes that look good and fit (I'm skeletal now), just to try and keep up appearances etc.

 

It helps me a bit to do this. I can't wear makeup, as it burns my face, and frankly with the masks, no one can see your entire face anyway.

 

If you find that you don't have any nice things to wear that fit you, maybe order a few things online that may help you feel better, even if they are just nice pj's or lounge wear for around the house.

 

I'm just where you are, except I'm in extreme tolerance and still trying to get off - but have similar symptoms.

 

You are so much more than looks, if people can't see that, then they aren't the right people in your life.

 

It's so hard, I know, but this is temporary and everyone's temporary may be longer than others, but it is temporary!!!

 

Hugs,

WinnieDog

 

exactly, this is temporary.....

to be honest I am sort of "grateful" for masks right now, I switched from skinny jeans to cool lounge wear (because I've lost muscle mass jeans don't look like they used to) I am skinny (I've always have been) and it's ok.. I am telling myself that this too shall pass.....

 

thank you for some nice words winniedog

Blossom

SSR1975 said she lost all her looks as well and aged 10 years and her hair fell out etc. She is healed now and said her looks came back and now she looks good like she did again. This will pass and you will always be beautiful no matter how you look now. Who you are inside makes you beautiful and people that love you know this. So don’t add additional stress on yourself. Be kind and patient to yourself... :-)