Think I’m dying for real this time

Things have taken an ugly turn these last few months and even though I thought I was dying this whole time, this time it’s feels for real. Iv seen muscle and connective tissue wasting as a symptom and I think something like that is going on but it feels like internal organs are turning to mush.

My stomach and genitalia are soft and saggy. Recently my stomach started to tremor a lot and it feels really sloshy in there. Same with my palpitations, they used to feel clean but now my heart feels more muffled and it trembles sometimes and flops. My throat feels weak and I’m also having a few joint issues.

This is my fault, Iv had a few beers and tried magnesium a few times, nothing crazy. I had one too many setbacks and Now things seem to be deteriorating instead of healing.

I told my self it was all just sensations but now I’m seeing and feeling these frightening physical changes and would do anything to stop this but I don’t know what to do.

I have yet another doctor appointment and they are gonna do some blood work but how do you test for liquified guts?

I would do anything to get out of this but it seems Iv pushed my luck one to many times.

I would even settle for being bedridden for years like some but this is getting worse fast and feels like a degenerative disease.

If anyone saw changes like that and is surviving lmk and any suggestions.

Hey, I'm sorry about what you're going through. I haven't felt like I was dying before but I faced severe symptoms for months at a time during my withdrawal. It really wasn't nice.

I totally understand the need for some kind of relief and the desperation that causes but I really wish you wouldn't touch the alcohol. I don't like to see anybody pay such a heavy price.

That said, identifying such an obvious cause gives you some hope that it won't stay as bad as this for long.

By the way, I am not a doctor but I do consider myself informed enough to give some advice. What you are feeling are symptoms of inflammation (perhaps amongst other things). The best thing you can do for your insides BY FAR is to not eat too often. If your weight isn't too low, don't eat unless you want to, even if it's a long time between meals. Try to drink only water. Every time you eat, your digestive system has to fire up and that causes more inflammation when you're already unwell. Eating a couple of meals or even just one larger meal in a day is far from dangerous and your digestive system will thank you for giving it a rest. This is what it needs to heal.

Also, nobody seems to like this suggestion but I am going to make it anyway. Cutting out processed foods and especially sugar (even that in fruit) is a great idea in the long run. You will feel MUCH better if you can do it. However, if your diet contains a lot of sugar, you may feel worse if you stop it cold turkey. I'm not joking - healthy people get bad symptoms from sugar withdrawal, they just don't always know it.

The worse thing you can do is to eat frequently. This is a tempting option if you aren't able to eat much in one sitting but it's so damaging that I would suggest that you have to find another way, even if that means eating less than you think you should in a day. Your body can handle this more than you think.

I do want to reiterate for anybody reading as well as you that if you can't afford to lose weight or you have an eating disorder, please don't take my advice above a professional. Failing that, my advice is perfectly safe and what the science says you should do. Don't be surprised if your doctor has no clue about what to eat and when to eat even if they specialise in the digestive system. It's beyond bizarre to me but seems to be how these things go. Many of us are here because of clueless doctors and psychopath drug company executives.

Yeah i don’t want people to get the wrong idea that I’m drinking all the time, Iv had prolly 5 beers since this started 2 years ago and two of those were in a window when I dint understand that you could go backwards, and the rest where before I knew much about this at all I dint learn all the nuances and rules till it was all too late.

It’s ironic that you make that suggestion because following a similar diet is what got me in this mess. Before I had touched any meds I was eating two meals a day and cut out sugar and was feeling the best I ever felt and then I went too far and cut out almost all carbs for a few weeks and it landed me in the hospital with a script for Ativan. I believe in that stuff cause it has worked in the past and Iv had thoughts of doing it again it’s just hard to find the motivation to try and it kind of traumatized me.

You're having some pretty terrible luck by the sounds of it. I've been there myself where I seemed to be paying a heavy price for mistakes that plenty of people get away with. One after the other, always seemed to be worse case scenario out of a bunch of possibilities. Of course it wasn't quite true. I am here now and recovering my health. Still got some lingering problems but there has been plenty that has gone right. Don't give up hope. It is a long journey but it gets easier than this. You sound like the sort of person who might try to push yourself too much when there's a sign that you're doing well, then you burn yourself out. It sort of exaggerates the ups and downs that we already go through. I was that person too. When I figured that out, I became more careful about avoiding stress and stimulation, which sometimes meant missing out on things I would find enjoyable and that I would be able to do. I just built up slowly on walking alone in the outdoors and got plenty of rest. Things levelled off considerably from then; less excitement but less payback.

I'm going to agree that an experience like that must be traumatic. I wouldn't say "kinda"... we have such an emotional attachment to the foods we eat, something like that can have a big effect. I can reflect on my own experience with overcoming trauma (work in progress) and I think what you have understandably done is identify the initial diet change as what started you on the path to where you are now. From what you say, however, it would appear that you took a couple of serious wrong turns (too radical too fast with the diet, starting a benzo) and really that is why you are where you are. My suggestions were simply the best known methods of lowering insulin which is undoubtedly what you need most. I get it on motivation, it's really tough. But it doesn't take much effort to eat less frequently although reducing sugar to an absolute minimum and keeping all carbohydrates fairly low will help you feel satisfied for longer. Another way to look at it is to choose foods which are lower on the "insulin index" although I'd encourage you to still keep an eye on nutrition. But really, reducing the frequency which you eat is something that is a good idea for practically everybody but almost essential if you are trying to do something about chronic inflammation.

I've got some stuff tucked away that has to do with trauma. I want to deal with it but there's only so much I can manage at once. If you can't go there, that's something that only you can make a judgement on. You know if it is too raw.

Wasn't meaning to judge on the beers. I have the odd drink when I know it's a bad idea. Really not often, far less than monthly, and I seem to get away with it, but know that it's a terrible choice. I don't think you can get away with it, from what you say. Maybe that could be a blessing in disguise.

Whatever, I know that you'll not be like this forever and although you must be struggling to see it, one day you will thrive again. I hope it won't be too long for you and hope you get over this bump soon enough.