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Getting through Cold Turkey with Grace and more Ease


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Hello, fellow cold turkey folk! Many of you do not know me. I began my journey back in 2012, when I was 62. I was forced, by my doctor, to go cold turkey off Klonapin and 3 ADs. I can hear all of you saying "Her doctor was so wrong!" and I am here to tell you that it may have been wrong because of the dangers - but it was MY ONLY way of getting off benzos. I abused benzos fort 30 years, gotten mostly on my nursing jobs. HUGE doses ensued and slowly but surely my brain became physically addicted. I did not view this as addiction, despite knowing benzos ARE addictive. Think "denial" here. Many here on BB may need to watch out for denial issues.

I slowly came to understand how addicted I was, and that allowed me to become very afraid of benzos and almost ALL drugs. I never stopped taking my hypertension meds. I  knew they were safe. My opinion of all psych meds completely plummeted. In MY case, my old depression was clearly only due to the benzos! And I realized that once my mind slowly began to be more rational and in more time, I saw all my depression had just.....disappeared. Another gift from benzos.

 

It is a hallmark of benzo wd to feel terrified a lot more than is normal. Its a fear sort of like anxiety gone viral. It  can feel SO terrifying you just want to run and hide, but you also know that wont help, since this Fear is so different from a normal fear. Plus you probably have other symptoms, both mental and physical, bombarding you almost all of the time. Sleep is no longer a way to relax, as most of you are also scared to sleep! Your Fear keeps you awake, torturing you all night long. if you are lucky enough to sleep some, you may wake up only to find yourself back in the miserable Abyiss (sp?) of benzo wd. LOL! At age 70 my spelling is no longer perfect and this has nothing to do with benzos, my friends. If you are over 60 you might relate top this.

 

Perhaps the biggest topic on BB over the years is the TIME problem. Everyone wants a time line, and they end up comparing themselves to everyone. WRONG move, people. Everyone has their own rate and way of healing from this.  And no its not linear. You may feel better one day only to find the next day so awful you want to crawl under a rock and stay there. On this forum, over ther years, people have often posted "answers" to the question of how long will this go on. And NONE of them are right. Over 8 plus years now I have read so many posts claiming stuff like "Well, it [probably will last a little over a year" and then "The average wd takes up to 18 months or more." Listen to me here: NO ONE can answer that question nd putting nonsensical posts like that will possibly HURT someone else reading this stuff. To the best of my knowledge, no one really can answer this and why? Because we are all so different. When I joined BB, I was told I would have a long bad wd because I went CT. Then I was told it  would be bad because I took Klonapin. Another answer was "Due to your age." Phooey on all of that! Hearing those self-figured projections just scared me, as there wasnt anything I could do to fix this. I almost dropped out of BB because of this. I decided to stay on and try to just allow myself to heal, and I also knew that for me to heal meant being helpful to others. So that is what I did for months, despite the real truth I was in one of the most vicious benzo wds known here. How many people do you know here that hallucinated with all five senses for way over a year? Not many, if any.

 

My point is this: before posting something that might sound like the truth to someone way worse than you, remember that a brain in benzo wd is NOT logical and may distort whatever you say. In other words, you easily could hurt somebody. Please dont. Try to only write posts with an upbeat theme, because doing this will help YOU and someone else.

 

Benzo wd may be the worst thing you ever endured. In some ways, that is good, because hopefully, you wont take benzos ever again. That sure worked for me.

 

There is just something about benzo wd that makes it so frightening. I would guess its the feeling of being sort of out of control. In  your pre-benzo life you thought you could handle most things. And you did, and usually the right thing was done. But benzo wd destroys that. You have NO way to change what is happening to you - all the symptoms that erupt over and over every day, the Fear, the deep anxiety. I can tell you that for over a year, I had absolutely NO relief from it all. NONE. I figured that meant I was going to die from it all, so I began to consider suicide. The only reasons I didnt were my cats - and my deep fear of violence of any sort. Thank God! I did not act on this. But some do, and if that happens, immediately seek IN  PERSON help. BB is NOT the place if you are seriously considering this. I can tell you all day that itdoes end, but when you are in the thick of this, you will not be logical.

 

The things I found to be helpful were:

1. Make a few Buddies, people who have similar timelines And symptoms as you have. PMS are a wonderful thing, people. Reach out to others.

2. Read Success Stories and Blogs, because they may teach you something new, and you will connect with still more people

3. Educate yourself. Find out the physical reasons you have such weird symptoms. I can tell you all day they come from your brain, but you have too learn this and understand  it first.

4.Learn basic coping skills (slow deep belly breathing, self soothing things (like taking a warm shower, or kneading/squishing a "worry ball" or using a weighted blanket. Listen to relaxation tapes or videos.

5. Try to eat well, but do NOT become obsessive about this! Your brain will do the healing no matter what you eat, and I am living proof of that! That first year, weighing 85 lbs, I subsisted on Peppermint Patties candy. Bags of them. OMG! But I healed despite this. This always makes me laugh: the mental picture of me sitting at my desktop eating Peppermint Patty over and over and over, as I read and wrote here on the forum. Now, I HATE peppermint patties but didnt back then. Smile! We do survive despite doing some odd things to get us through.

6. Love your pets, play with them, pet them, let them soothe you.

7. Now is not the time to fix old family wounds. You need to place yourself first for now, because you wont be helpful with your family, friends, etc. until you start healing. It is NOT a crime to back off from difficult relationships for a while. In fact, it is a blessing, both for you - and them

8. Take some time every day to read or hear something funny. Laughter DOES help us heal!

9. NEVER forget the power of distraction! All those minutes you distract yourself may actually speed your healing. There is proof of this. Getting your mind OFF your problems may allow you to understand a better way to handle them. Let that happen,. friends. In Benzo wd, you ARE your best friend.

 

I doubt I will ever completely leave BB. I can honestly say that this forum saved my life. Everything I needed to know was here on BB. And STILL is. I may consider myself healed, but I am Woman enough to say I have more to learn. I end up back here on BB out of love and gratitude.  so hope one day yopu will feel the same way.

 

Last bit of advice: if you find yourself reading a post you fgind distressing, click OFF asap! Your brain is trying to tell you something when that occurs, and listen to it! Click off, and lean back and relax just a bit, and maybe you will see WHY that post scared you so much. i personally think those scary posts should just be eliminated, but that that wouldnt be a great idea. The Mods and Admins here somehow manage to filter out the worst of them. If you EVER read a post that seems to you to be "over the top" please report it to a Mod! Honestly, I dont know how Mods do such a good job, (and I was once a Mod!) I just know they do. This is completely anonymous, and you need not worry about reporting posts.

 

I would LOVE to hear more from you Cold Turkey People ("My Clan"!!!) Most of you know how to reach me and I will check back here in a day or two. I dont spend as much time on BB now, too busy living a much more normal life. But my heart will ALWAYS include BB.

HUGE HUGS:

annie (the infamous eastcoast 62)

 

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Did none  of you relate to this? Cold turkeys tend to be worse. Maybe the silence is a GOOD thing, in that perhaps fewer people take that route now.

Whatever, please know that if you need help with your CT, let me know.

east (Annie)

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Aww annie, thanks for taking so much time to post all of that!

I'm sure recent CTs will find it useful and will get some hope and love from it all. You know the ones that read but never post?

:smitten:

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Thank you so much Annie. You are a beautiful soul for still being here for us.

I am still getting worse after 15 months ct and can't even say how terrified I am. I am in utter shock what this did to my brsin. Your post reminded me that this can be survived.

Thank you again.

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Nice post East...

 

People that recently did a CT (as I did over 4 years ago) need to read your first post.

 

It's sort of like the "basic training" manual for what to expect after you CT.

 

All I ever wanted going through WD was "REASSURANCE" that it would end one day.  You're right, no one can predict, with any type of accuracy, how

long it will take for someone to get relief and/or heal.  I am guilty of telling people that most (not all) start to feel better somewhere between month 18 and 24, but

even then, some believe they will be in the "thick" of their WD the entire time with no relief.  Of course there are exceptions to everything and some take less time and some a lot

longer. 

 

People want hope that there is an end to this battle.  Looking back, I never thought I could make it 3 months, so I took MTFan's advice and just tried to make it through each minute, hour

or day.

 

 

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Thank you for your post.

 

I'm in the midst of a CT, while still on this poison. I have all the symptoms of CT.

 

I cannot stabilize and the pain is so immense, I don't know how to taper, when I'm not even functional - I can barely walk.

I have a lot of trouble eating, due to antibiotics in the spring, which led me to the z drugs.

 

I went down way too quickly at the end of july and now I'm stuck.

 

I have pain in my head 24/7 - it is so bad I wail multiple times a day.

 

They offered me gabapentin for the pain, but I'm not sure if I'll take it.

 

any suggestions on where do I go from here.

 

I can't take Valium, tried that cross over - was terrible.

 

I need help!!

 

WinnieDog

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Winnie,

Can you just finish the Ativan taper? You already down to .25mg once a day right?

How much longer till you jump and be done with the Ativan?

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5. Try to eat well, but do NOT become obsessive about this! Your brain will do the healing no matter what you eat, and I am living proof of that! That first year, weighing 85 lbs, I subsisted on Peppermint Patties candy. Bags of them. OMG! But I healed despite this. This always makes me laugh: the mental picture of me sitting at my desktop eating Peppermint Patty over and over and over, as I read and wrote here on the forum. Now, I HATE peppermint patties but didnt back then. Smile! We do survive despite doing some odd things to get us through.

 

 

I don't know why this made me laugh so hard but it did! I think it's bc I've gotten to know you a bit on here and I could visualize you mowing down bags of them. Oh Annie, its perfect bc today I was researching foods/supplements to aid in healing lol. I'll never be able to look at that minty chocolate the same again :laugh:

Once again your posts of your journey and your wisdom are like gold. BB is blessed to have you!

 

My rapid taper was over a weeks time to its practically a CT. What a journey...

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Oh my. I was beginning to think I am a dinosaur on BB, because no one posted on this thread. I felt a bit hurt, to be honest. But you know? We dinosaurs do have a lot of knowledge. Because we have BEEN there and somehow survived.

 

Winnie, I am confused. If you are still on a benzo, any one of them, you re not going CT. I am unclear on why you said this. Care to explain??? I always want to know more, because that helps me advise better. Something I have noticed over and over is that each person seems to have several symptoms that torture them the most. For me it was FEAR, of everything, and someone else has PAIN as their worst symptom. Its all unbearable, isnt it? Obviously you have pain. I am so sorry. Please dont give up because of this. It is just a symptom and if you think of it a bit differently,  it IS a sign you are healing. Your brain is in an uproar now, just as mine was 8 years ago. If you see it as proof that your brain is trying to heal, you might be able to handle it better.

 

Its sad that even now I still have days when I have remnants of benzo wd. I do not like that, but compared to 8 years ago, I am SO SO much better.  Someone once said that benzos are a gift that keeps on giving. I agree. But dont let that scare you! Oh holy MOLEY, how I feel now is just a shadow of how I used to be. When I have those "benzo remnant days" all I have to do is think back on how I was back then in 2012. And keep in mind how extreme my benzo history is. VERY extreme. If I told you what I took on an average night you would feel nauseous. Most people  here on BB tend to be: educated, intelligent, may have some low self esteem. We tend to be a bit OCD, I think. Plus, there is just something about benzo wd that CREATES fear, paranoia, and the ability to think of only the WORST things. Oh how wonderful NOT to feel like that now.

 

trina, you have a way to make me laugh! Thank you! I too find the image of skinny me wolfing down peppermint patties a bit strange. My logic back then wasnt great. I was afraid of vegetables back then, NO LIE. My friend gave me a peeled carrot and I almost threw up, the fear was so strong. I cold not eat meat back then, due top weight loss surgery I had in 2003. Peppermint patties seemed safe to me, so that is what I ate that first year,. It is pretty amazing I didnt die from lack of real nutrients!! I simply could not touch that stupid carrot back then.

 

Yes, what a journey. A very long one. Honestly I still am not sure how I endured it all. Good grief! What I went through, NO ONE should ever go through. Yet hdere I am, alive and well now. That is a miracle.

Annie

PS Mr Bear is in fine form lately. He woke me this morning with about 5 strong head butts, with loud purring. He always flops down after that, in a place where I can stroke his warm, furry belly. I always fall back to sleep after that. How utterly wonderful our pets are. The comfort and laughs are worth the hassles -  like yesterday I stepped right in a bit of cat vomit. He isnt a big barfer, thank God. But scraping cat vomit off your slippers is NOT something I enjoy! God sent me this cat, i know this is true. I needed something to care for and love, and Mr Bear is that. 15 lovely lbs of cat is a handful and I cannot even try to pick him up now. But he is my constant friend in need and I am so grateful for that.

 

 

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Hi Eastcoast2:

 

What I meant was that I appear to be experiencing all the symptoms of a CT wd from going down way too rapidly in late July and I've never stabilized on the dose I am on now.

 

So, it's not a true CT like you all have done, but I now have to wean off the rest, whilst still in so much pain!

 

In some ways I wish I was off completely and could just get on with healing etc.

 

I am praying for some Hope, Faith and Grace - which are the middles names of all my girls.

 

Thanks,

WinnieDog

 

 

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I will tell you something. There are times when I feel that going CT may be the best way to get off these darn drugs. From what I have read over 8 years is now taper people struggle just as long as I did. In fact I got into trouble a few years ago because a couple people starting saying I was "ALL FOR" going CT. I never said that. Never. But sometimes people read what they want to into posts. And some people are just not very nice or kind.

 

I certainly understand your dilemma. It must be hard to do a taper so carefully and then feel like crap anyway. I wish there were some sort of Answer I could give you. But I dont. When people get "stuck" like this, I always remind them of the basic physilolgy stuff. Benzos work on the Fear Center of your brain, the amygdala. Put simply, benzos damp down this tiny part of your brain so you feel relaxed, able to sleep, etc. And when you go off benzos by ANY way or means, the amygdala goes into a terrible ruckus, causing symptoms of all sorts. Physical and mental stuff. Your brain controls everything about you. Your brain produces various hormones and other stuff that make you feel well and happy. But  going off benzos messes this up hugely. And that can last a whole lot longer than you want it to. But - no matter what you read here, I firmly believe that everyone DOES heal. A dear friend I met here years ago said to me recently "If you were not a happy person before, when you heal from benzos, you STILL will be unhappy." That made sense to me. I remember thinking tat once I healed, my pold problems would be better. And they werent. However, what I DID see was, for me, vastly better health, much better thinking, more wonderful emotions. And that sas simply wonderful.

Annie

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Hi Annie

As you know I did not cold turkey but am one of those who tapered from just 4mg of diazepam for many months. I was so ill on the drug and during what seemed like an endless taper, which thankfully ended almost 12 months ago

 

You are right when you say, long tapers do not always mean an easier or shorter journey, as I am still so far from healed.

 

I have to wait my turn I suppose,  filled with your number one symptom,  Da da DAHHHH  The terror, . It has become a way of life, but it is not one  I intend keeping.

 

Lots of other head and ear things going on, and well I have no idea what to do about the hands that are so dead and cold, . Good idea about the soft worry balls,  Thank you

 

I am not sure how you survived on mint chocolate patties but I have visions of you going from store to store, stocking up on them, and you slowly munching through them ,day and night. No wonder you don't like them now,

 

It shows just what we can survive on.

 

I am longing to feel some recovery happening and one day it will. All I have to do is hold on as best I can and believe that for the vast majority, healing does happen.

 

Thank you for all the times you have sent me words or reassurance, as you do for so many others in need

 

You take great care of yourself  and lovely Mr Bear

 

Jen

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Eastcoast, I relate to your post so much. Like you, CT was my only option. I was heavily addicted and it was a z drug, so how could I taper off 100 mg? I wasn't taking it for sleeping. Once I figured out how addicted I was, it seemed stupid to continue putting the poison in me when I could beat the cravings in 2 weeks and just get it all out my system...also I was out of the prescription lol but, I was really afraid of what I had done when a lot of people on reddit and here said that the only ones who do not heal are rapid and CT. That scared the beejeezus out of me. But hearing from you and The Way2 helped.
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[2b...]
Cold-turkey is the worst mistake I have ever made (well, the second worst, the worst was getting on these drugs in the first place, but phyicians prescribed them to me and back then I didn't know any better). I know that some people have problems while still on drugs, but it wasn't the case for me as previously, I have tapered twice and was more-or-less asymptomatic both times. And both times I tapered relatively fast (followed Ashton Tables, which is high percentage reduction since reduction is 1 mg diazepam per week and I was not a heavy dose user, I tapered from 5 mg diazepam).
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chin, I do wonder how I survived only on peppermint Patties. And your "vision" is true. I went to varying drugstores, because I didnt want anyone to know why I was buying so many bags of them! But I did.

That first year off, I did not sleep at all. ONLY "micro sleeps", when your brain suddenly blinks off for a few seconds. Its been proven that tis prevents us from dying of lack of sleep. The scientists studied prison of war people, who were tortured and KEPT from sleeping. And they did not die.

 

CT has problems that we all know. Seizures are much more likely if one goes CT off benzos - or alcohol. The chances of this are almost nil, at least for people who did not mix benzos with other street drugs PLUS alcohol. When I first joined BB, the "tone" of BB was so anti-CT. VERY much so and people simply wrote me off as a crack pot. But I persisted, because I KNEW they were wrong. But I did feel a bit slighted. And it hurt to be dismissed that way. I vowed NOT to do that here on BB, and over time the "mood" of BB has become more moderate. Whether you CT ior Taper, a bad withdrawal and and does happen....but only for a few people, and THAT is the real mystery. I am sure, if my Psych Doc customer read here on BB, his reaction would be to dismiss ALL of us as "neurotic", "hypervigilant" "borderline" and a bunch of other nonsense.

 

So, pace, are you now off benzos? What has been your experience?

IcyP: may I ask how you chose your screen name? It made me smile, as I had been talking about mint patties! I find it refreshing that you state you were addicted. ALL of us were, whether we want to admit of not. Most people associate "addicted" with some beat up scruffy guy wearing  dirty clothes, begging for money to feed his "fix." And we arent like that at all. But indeed, we WERE addicted. I am not familiar with "reddit." Can you explain??? I am SO not a techie. I still feel that people DO heal after even a truly horrendous withdrawal from benzos. But now, I temper this, because I cant deny how long it took for me to recover, That I STILL have symptoms that only started during bwd makes me wonder. Yes, I DO feel great now. I have energy, my mind is clear, I am not always afraid and beset with a ton of terrible symptoms. I am very functional now. But those 2 weird symptoms just wont disappear. I have learned to ignore them and keep on going as they dont prevent me from doing things.

Annie

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Eastcoast, this is the username I use for most forums. When I registered for my first forum, I was sucking on a peppermint and just combined that with the icy feel it gives. I am glad I found your post and that you responded tonight. I am just having an awful time and I am afraid I won't heal.
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I completely forgot that we had a cold turkey section on benzo Buddies and this was the first post I read. I did a cold turkey almost 17 months ago and I've been on the protracted withdrawal section the entire time. That's how delusional I was after my cold turkey off Klonopin of 20 years, I couldn't even find the right section on benzo Buddies. I was lost.

 

So you think that you were on a really big amount Annie? I wonder which one of us took more. They started me on 5 mg a day of Klonopin when I was 17. When I stopped taking it 16 and a half months ago, I was upwards of 20 to 30 mg per day. And for over a year I had a bad trip and I'm still having a bad trip almost everyday.

 

And just a couple weeks ago, I quit taking my barbiturate as well. I've quit all of these medications multiple times but this was the last time.

 

This time I just pretty much said I'm in it for the long haul whether I heal or not, it's just time to deal with life how it is. But I'm a lot better than I was at first so I'm pretty sure I'm going to be okay.

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[2b...]

So, pace, are you now off benzos? What has been your experience?

It has been awful, but it's up and down ride. It's gradually getting better, I just hope ear symptoms that I contracted aren't permanent. The other symptoms are worse but they come and go, ear symptoms are always there. Yeah, given my previous very cozy taper experience (my only symptoms were GERD and 3AM cortisol surge, which are entirely managable by supplements) I should've tapered. But at the time I was so frustrated to be back on benzos that I didn't really think it through for which I'm now paying through the nose. However, when this all ends and the symptoms are all gone, I'll consider this a good, life-changing experience. Once you experience so much suffering, every day spent feeling normal, even a crappy day is going to feel euphoric. Already I don't know who I am anymore.

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Thanks for posting this. I'm still struggling quite often from my cold turkey on March 21st, 2018, coming up on three years now.

 

While I still struggle off and on, I've at least had more normal days here or there as this has gone along. But it's still only like 5 to 6 normal days a month. At this rate, I don't even want to make an assumption how much longer it's going to take to heal completely. I'm still stuck with a feeling of inner agitation where I feel much better doing stuff outside of the home. Also, some nerve burning that is mild compared to where it was but it's still annoying. And also I have pretty bad bouts of anhedonia where I struggle to find things to do in my downtime. I struggle to feel love for my family which can be tough too.

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First of all - HI BOOMBOX! I am glad to hear from you. If you remember we chatted a bit, maybe a year or two ago? I can tell y ou ARE much better now. Please just hang on and remember how long it took me to heal WELL. Its kind of odd, but  every year I thought I was fully healed, until the next year, when I realized I felt even better. That patterns lasted about t5 years, but my benzo history is WAY extreme.

 

pace, I think you are right. Read yopur last sentence below: ":I'll consider this a good, life changing experience." VERY true and exactly how I feel. God it has been a terrible journey but I am so glad I stuck it out.

 

icy, LOL! That's a good one. I was terribly uninspired when I picked a screen name, because of how truly crazy I was back then. East (coast of Florida) was the only name I could conjure up at that time. Lame huh? LOL!

 

Just, Here is my truth. Its all documented on my Blog in the first few pages. When I graduated from Nursing School, and was hired at a local (inner city) hospital, I almost right away began helping myself to the mny benzos in the med carts. Back then, benzos were not accounted for. Only narcotics. Several nurses and doctors did the same thing but that does not excuse me. A " normal" night for me might have been: 10 mg Valium, 0.25 Halcion, maybe two of them, a Librium? A serax? Whatever there was and I took handfuls of them over 20 years. The last 12 years I was legally prescribed benzos: Klonapin 6 mgs and Ambien 10 mgs. Enough to sink a horse. No wopnder I had a bad withdrawal!

 

I am so glad you guys have posted here. Even though I am healed, I still need to get support from fellow sufferers. We have NO in person support and when you have gone through something as traumatic as BWD, you DO need support.

 

Never give up!

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I love the East Coast of Florida!!

 

We used to go every year!!

 

We love St. Augustine Beach, Satellite Beach and last time was New Smryna Beach - Outstanding!!

 

I can't wait until I can get back there!

 

 

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[2b...]

pace, I think you are right. Read yopur last sentence below: ":I'll consider this a good, life changing experience." VERY true and exactly how I feel. God it has been a terrible journey but I am so glad I stuck it out.

I reckon if I survive my stupid decision and heal, every normal day is going to feel euphoric.

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First of all - HI BOOMBOX! I am glad to hear from you. If you remember we chatted a bit, maybe a year or two ago? I can tell y ou ARE much better now. Please just hang on and remember how long it took me to heal WELL. Its kind of odd, but  every year I thought I was fully healed, until the next year, when I realized I felt even better. That patterns lasted about t5 years, but my benzo history is WAY extreme.

 

pace, I think you are right. Read yopur last sentence below: ":I'll consider this a good, life changing experience." VERY true and exactly how I feel. God it has been a terrible journey but I am so glad I stuck it out.

 

icy, LOL! That's a good one. I was terribly uninspired when I picked a screen name, because of how truly crazy I was back then. East (coast of Florida) was the only name I could conjure up at that time. Lame huh? LOL!

 

Just, Here is my truth. Its all documented on my Blog in the first few pages. When I graduated from Nursing School, and was hired at a local (inner city) hospital, I almost right away began helping myself to the mny benzos in the med carts. Back then, benzos were not accounted for. Only narcotics. Several nurses and doctors did the same thing but that does not excuse me. A " normal" night for me might have been: 10 mg Valium, 0.25 Halcion, maybe two of them, a Librium? A serax? Whatever there was and I took handfuls of them over 20 years. The last 12 years I was legally prescribed benzos: Klonapin 6 mgs and Ambien 10 mgs. Enough to sink a horse. No wopnder I had a bad withdrawal!

 

I am so glad you guys have posted here. Even though I am healed, I still need to get support from fellow sufferers. We have NO in person support and when you have gone through something as traumatic as BWD, you DO need support.

 

Never give up!

 

 

Sorry OT.

 

Annie. I have written this friendly.

 

We have discussed this so many times, and we were upset. You have told yourself about stolen drugs, so it's no secret. But please, don’t involve the rest of us. I have worked as a nurse for 35 years, and I have never heard of it. You worked as a nurse many years ago. Why bring shame on our profession? I know your answer: This is the truth. No, it's NOT. I'm too sick to discuss things that upset me. But it felt important to write this. Thanks.

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Translator, you might not know of any of this stuff going on as a nurse, but I can assure you it happens. My aunt was a nurse and that's how her pill addiction began, from the hospitals.

 

Also my uncle worked for the state Bureau of Investigation, and his job was to investigate the pills at the hospital and find out if any of the doctors or nurses were stealing them, and it was almost on a daily basis. Tons of nurses and doctors got charged with stealing opiates and benzos, and pretty large amounts of them at that.

 

I also know a pharmacist, my ex oh, her dad worked at an outpatient pharmacy. He would bring home things like Oxycontin and Vicodin and Xanax and even antibiotics just to avoid paying doctors when he didn't need to go to them in the first place.

 

There's lots of real-life nurse Jackie's out there if you look hard enough. And maybe even if you look, you won't see anything. But they're still there.

 

So I know what you're trying to do, make yourself look all innocent compared to the people that stole them, or that didn't have prescriptions, or abused them or got addicted to them. But how are you any better other than you didn't do anything illegal? You took the same drug.

 

So you shouldn't put people down just because you don't agree with their lifestyle, because it's really none of your business. And you took the same Med and you're here for the same reason.

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