I did somethng stupid

Hi Everyone,

I did something stupid. I've been rapidly tapering every 4 days doing a cut of .125.  I went from 1.5 to 0.625 of weeks. I went for .75 to 0.625 in a matter of days. I've been experiencing some of the most terrifying symptoms within the past few days but I refuse to reinstate because they are tolerable. They kicked in on the 3rd day of my last cut and peeked today. I had to just sleep, I wasn't able to do anything else. I had awful dreams and woke up not long ago. I am feeling better. j

I am not going to cut again and hold at this level until I become stable. I was initially doing small cuts a day, directed by ashton but it felt like I was having withdrawal symptoms daily. It felt like it was a long slow drawn out suffering, so I decided to go for the gusto I bit the bullet and did larger drastic cuts in shorter periods of time. The symptoms I am having are depersonalization, out of body, the world looks very weird and blurred to me. My tongue is burning, my heart races, vibration in my leg. I am having headaches as well. I noticed when I do the drastic cuts, I get withdrawal symptoms starting at 3.5 days and lasting for about 5 days, if I stabilize.

I am going to keep it at this level, then begin my slow taper again, once my body and brain is stable. I just don't want to prolong this or draw it out. I am taking Klonpin by the way

Hi BenzoLottie,

I've been on Benzos since 2016, I was first on xanax and crossed over to klonopin about 2.5 months ago. My withdrawal symptoms will be much more brutal than yours. Happy to hear that you are not experiencing what I am experiencing and glad that you got off before getting sucked in for years like me.

Hi Everyone,

 

I did something stupid. I've been rapidly tapering every 4 days doing a cut of .125.  I went from 1.5 to 0.625 of weeks. I went for .75 to 0.625 in a matter of days. I've been experiencing some of the most terrifying symptoms within the past few days but I refuse to reinstate because they are tolerable. They kicked in on the 3rd day of my last cut and peeked today. I had to just sleep, I wasn't able to do anything else. I had awful dreams and woke up not long ago. I am feeling better. j

 

I am not going to cut again and hold at this level until I become stable. I was initially doing small cuts a day, directed by ashton but it felt like I was having withdrawal symptoms daily. It felt like it was a long slow drawn out suffering, so I decided to go for the gusto I bit the bullet and did larger drastic cuts in shorter periods of time. The symptoms I am having are depersonalization, out of body, the world looks very weird and blurred to me. My tongue is burning, my heart races, vibration in my leg. I am having headaches as well. I noticed when I do the drastic cuts, I get withdrawal symptoms starting at 3.5 days and lasting for about 5 days, if I stabilize.

 

I am going to keep it at this level, then begin my slow taper again, once my body and brain is stable. I just don't want to prolong this or draw it out. I am taking Klonpin by the way

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this suffering. I know it feels like a slow drawn out process but a slow steady taper really is the way forward - take it from me. I cold turkey-Ed & the symptoms last for way way longer after you are off.  Please be kind to yourself- you will get through this.

Hi Bess55,

thank you for your comfort. I know that we are all suffering.  I am actually shocked at the amount of suffering that is happening. It's awful to read the horror that is happening to so many of us. The thing is, nearly all of the horror experiences, I've experienced myself at some point. I know what the in the moment terror feels like. I experienced this terror before I found this forum. At that point, I thought that I was dying. I didn't know what was causing it, so it made it all of the more terrifying. Even though I know the symptoms that withdrawing can cause, it is still terrifying when I am experiencing them.

These things are a living and sleeping nightmare that are never ending. I will follow your advise and do a slow taper from here on out. I just wanted to get down to a much lower dose. I couldn't bear to go through months to get where I am now. I was all of the way down to .25 mg of xanax before I had to updose after surgery to 1.5 mg of Klonopin. That was such a set back. I am still trying to figure out how it happened. After surgery, my body went haywire. People are suffering all across this forum and it's just awful but this forum brings comfort. I greatly appreciate it, it has gotten me though moments of terror and doom. I hate these pills. I look at them and they are small pills. At this point I am taking 1 pill and a piece. That doesn't sound or look like much but with benzos, it is. Every piece is precious, when we are tapering. It's crazy but it's true. It's hard to believe one small pill and a piece on the side could mean sanity, insanity, out of body, vision impairment, shaking, chills, blood pressure and all of the other symptoms in-between.

Hi Bess55,

 

thank you for your comfort. I know that we are all suffering.  I am actually shocked at the amount of suffering that is happening. It's awful to read the horror that is happening to so many of us. The thing is, nearly all of the horror experiences, I've experienced myself at some point. I know what the in the moment terror feels like. I experienced this terror before I found this forum. At that point, I thought that I was dying. I didn't know what was causing it, so it made it all of the more terrifying. Even though I know the symptoms that withdrawing can cause, it is still terrifying when I am experiencing them.

 

These things are a living and sleeping nightmare that are never ending. I will follow your advise and do a slow taper from here on out. I just wanted to get down to a much lower dose. I couldn't bear to go through months to get where I am now. I was all of the way down to .25 mg of xanax before I had to updose after surgery to 1.5 mg of Klonopin. That was such a set back. I am still trying to figure out how it happened. After surgery, my body went haywire. People are suffering all across this forum and it's just awful but this forum brings comfort. I greatly appreciate it, it has gotten me though moments of terror and doom. I hate these pills. I look at them and they are small pills. At this point I am taking 1 pill and a piece. That doesn't sound or look like much but with benzos, it is. Every piece is precious, when we are tapering. It's crazy but it's true. It's hard to believe one small pill and a piece on the side could mean sanity, insanity, out of body, vision impairment, shaking, chills, blood pressure and all of the other symptoms in-between.

Benzo withdrawal is a beast - honestly the safest way is a slow steady taper - do not put yourself through what I am going through - I wish I had have done a slow taper but I was not wise to withdrawal & the doctors told me it would be fine just to go off them.  Be kind to yourself. Do not let these pills ruin your life & the best way is a slow taper - o know you want to get to the finish line faster but trust me - slow taper is the way forward.  Lots of positive thoughts coming your way. Take care of yourself - it will all be ok - I promise.

As someone who tapered too quickly, and then stopped for 10 days, I am learning the truth of what Bess is saying. Slow and steady wins the race. I wanted off these insideously horrible drugs as quickly as possible, and I rushed things. I'm back on them again, because the wd's gpt so bad, and one person said they would get more intense, as I was only in the early stage, and suggested considering reinstating them.

So here I am, having to start over and do it right this time. I've accepted the fact I have to do a proper, slow taper. That gives my body time to adjust. It sucks, because we all want off what we see as these evil pills, but we have to be patient. In time we can throw of the shackles of benzos that imprisoned us, and be free. We will be free. It may be a long and arduous journey, but we will eventually reach our destination, a benzo-free life. There isn't an easy way, no shorcuts, no "get of jail free" card like the game of Monopoly.

I wish I'd done it right the 1st time, I wouldn't have wasted precious months where I could have been halfway perhaps instead. I have to start over and listen to what my body is saying before I make the next dosage cut. It was saying "slow down" but every 5 days I was cutting again, when I should have been holding and waiting.

Benzo withdrawal is a beast - honestly the safest way is a slow steady taper - do not put yourself through what I am going through - I wish I had have done a slow taper but I was not wise to withdrawal & the doctors told me it would be fine just to go off them.  Be kind to yourself. Do not let these pills ruin your life & the best way is a slow taper - o know you want to get to the finish line faster but trust me - slow taper is the way forward.  Lots of positive thoughts coming your way. Take care of yourself - it will all be ok - I promise.

Doctors know diddly squat, I have fired more doctors over the past 4 years because I wondered how they got their degree. I've been failed by too many, first with my Proton Pump Inhibitor dependency, then the benzos. A doctor at the former clinic I went to said to stop my afternoon dose of Klonopin then stop it completely a week or two later. I ended up in withdrawal in less than a week and went back on the Klonopin and fired them and found another provider who switched me to Valium for tapering. I tapered too fast because new provider's never really helped anyone get off, everybody ask her for scripts to go on, or for more.

She's a Psychiatrict Nurse Practitioner, and she's learning about this whole getting off benzo's along with me. She is willing to help, she knows the advice the docs gave me was wrong, and that  slow taper is best. She just doesn't know how slow the tapering should be done. I've sent her the link to the Ashton Manual. I wasn't going slow enough, so since it hasn't been that long since I stopped, I reinstated and am starting over again. I'm guessing you weren't able to reinstate for some reason, so you could get a do-over.

Benzo withdrawal isn't just a beast, it's being being in the belly of the beast. You just wonder if you can get out of it. I was feeling somewhat hopeless about starting over again, though your comment wasn't directed at me, it helped me see a glimmer of hope if I do it right this time and go slowwwww. I can only imagine what you must be going through, I hope Crammy heeds your advice. I lasted 10 days, threw in the towel, and am back on those hated benzo's. I don't know how you survived going CT.  :'(

Benzo withdrawal is a beast - honestly the safest way is a slow steady taper - do not put yourself through what I am going through - I wish I had have done a slow taper but I was not wise to withdrawal & the doctors told me it would be fine just to go off them.  Be kind to yourself. Do not let these pills ruin your life & the best way is a slow taper - o know you want to get to the finish line faster but trust me - slow taper is the way forward.  Lots of positive thoughts coming your way. Take care of yourself - it will all be ok - I promise.

 

 

Doctors know diddly squat, I have fired more doctors over the past 4 years because I wondered how they got their degree. I've been failed by too many, first with my Proton Pump Inhibitor dependency, then the benzos. A doctor at the former clinic I went to said to stop my afternoon dose of Klonopin then stop it completely a week or two later. I ended up in withdrawal in less than a week and went back on the Klonopin and fired them and found another provider who switched me to Valium for tapering. I tapered too fast because new provider's never really helped anyone get off, everybody ask her for scripts to go on, or for more.

 

She's a Psychiatrict Nurse Practitioner, and she's learning about this whole getting off benzo's along with me. She is willing to help, she knows the advice the docs gave me was wrong, and that  slow taper is best. She just doesn't know how slow the tapering should be done. I've sent her the link to the Ashton Manual. I wasn't going slow enough, so since it hasn't been that long since I stopped, I reinstated and am starting over again. I'm guessing you weren't able to reinstate for some reason, so you could get a do-over.

 

Benzo withdrawal isn't just a beast, it's being being in the belly of the beast. You just wonder if you can get out of it. I was feeling somewhat hopeless about starting over again, though your comment wasn't directed at me, it helped me see a glimmer of hope if I do it right this time and go slowwwww. I can only imagine what you must be going through, I hope Crammy heeds your advice. I lasted 10 days, threw in the towel, and am back on those hated benzo's. I don't know how you survived going CT.  :'(

You can do this - good on your for tapering slowly - it really is the best way,  I didn’t know the last month I was using Valium that I was in tolerance withdrawal - I thought it was a virus.  I went off the Valium S I was told it would be fine in two weeks - I didn’t really get hit with acute symptoms until day 10 - & again I thought it was a virus - or Lyme disease - I had a ton of tests - all came back ok.  I didn’t work out it was Benzo withdrawal until a month after I jumped - so it was too late to reinstate - I didn’t have a choice - I just had to grit my teeth & bear it, I’m very much looking forward to being healed - I’m in month 10 - still holding on for dear life - the last two months have been super hard - I’ve been absolutely slogged with symptoms -  some of them new.  I have no choice though. The only way to be healed is through it & that’s what I have to do.  I force myself to get up in the morning & to get moving - after a while this works.  All I want to do is lay in bed but I can’t. Because I know I have to push myself & do what I can do & a little bit more everyday. 

My advice is to reduce as much stress as possible, eat a good healthy diet no matter how boring it is.  Drink enough water so you’re not dehydrated.  & tell yourself you are healing,  you are getting better.  Please don’t feel like you threw in the towel - honestly you did the best thing - it’s the safest surest way. It might feel like a longer slog now but trust me - cold turkey is the longer harder slog.  You are doing amazingly - please be kind to yourself & don’t beat yourself up. It might not feel like it now but trust me - you will heal & everything will be ok.  You will lead a full happy exciting life again.  Keep going,

Please don’t feel like you threw in the towel - honestly you did the best thing - it’s the safest surest way. It might feel like a longer slog now but trust me - cold turkey is the longer harder slog.  You are doing amazingly - please be kind to yourself & don’t beat yourself up. It might not feel like it now but trust me - you will heal & everything will be ok.  You will lead a full happy exciting life again.  Keep going,

Thank you for this. I had such a bad day yesterday. I know I made the best decision, and my provider agrees. The idea of having a long protracted withdrawal scares me, so by reinstating I can avoid that. I feel a lot better today after talking to my provider and having a plan to do this right by going slow and following the guidlines in the Ashton Manual. My provider said she doesn't always help patients get off benzo's, she sends them to outpatient rehab, because most wouldn't be able to follow through and they want a quick fix that she can't give. She says I am motivated, and I understand this requires discipline and adherance to a slow tapering schedule. I feel more hopeful now that I can do this by doing it right, no matter how long it takes.

BenzoLottie

out of curiosity, what dose did you reinstate at?

BenzoLottie

 

out of curiosity, what dose did you reinstate at?

My original dose of 12 mg Valium. I have to start all over again, get stabilized, and only then can I taper. Dr Ashton says repeating the original and going through a much slower taper is fine as long as you haven't been off for weeks or months. Which is why many recommended I reinstate sooner, while I still have some Valium left in my system. Otherwise I would set myself up for a long protracted withdrawal, which would have been horrendous. My provider agreed that I needed to start over from the begining as well.

I know when I stopped the Klonopin based on the advice of the doctors at my former provider, I was back on in about 6 days, and was feeling much better within a few days, because I still had Klonopin in my system. It will probably take longer for the symptoms of withdrawal to abate this time. I will have to give myself time to stabilize, which my provider and I agree could be weeks.

How are you doing? Please be kind to yourself.

I think the Valium is finally kicking in. One week since reinstatement. Headaches are way down, and I slept really well last night.

I hope Crammy will drop in and let us now how the hold is doing, whether the symptoms are abating somewhat. It may take a week for Crammy to really notice improvements though.

Oh, and Crammy, about the chills. I sit in front of a space heater and let the hor air blast me. I've also found lying in bed with a heating pad helps. If you don't have either, crank up the thermostat and add extra layers of clothing. None of these will stop the chills, just make them more tolerable. The heat was soothing as well.

Please go easy on yourself, and be patient with your tapering schedule. This is the advice many on this board have given to me.

How are you doing? Please be kind to yourself.

 

I think the Valium is finally kicking in. One week since reinstatement. Headaches are way down, and I slept really well last night.

 

I hope Crammy will drop in and let us now how the hold is doing, whether the symptoms are abating somewhat. It may take a week for Crammy to really notice improvements though.

 

Oh, and Crammy, about the chills. I sit in front of a space heater and let the hor air blast me. I've also found lying in bed with a heating pad helps. If you don't have either, crank up the thermostat and add extra layers of clothing. None of these will stop the chills, just make them more tolerable. The heat was soothing as well.

 

Please go easy on yourself, and be patient with your tapering schedule. This is the advice many on this board have given to me.

Good on you - you are doing really well. Be patient & be kind to yourself )

Hi everyone,

Sorry for not checking in, I've been on the other section of the board.  I think I belong in this section.  I did reinstate but back on a rapid move structured taper plan by my doctor.  I found out that I am pregnant and I must come off asap. I've been going through this structured tape since this post.  I'm now down to .75 mg per day,  an average of 1.25 mg per week. Today started this new phase. Last week I was on 1.25 mg per day an average of 1.5 mg per week.

It's hard to explain but I am on zig zag dosing, that's why I am averaging out the week. I updosed to 1.5 mg per day and have been working my way down. This is a very rapid taper but I'm experiencing minimal withdrawal,  in comparison to what I experienced when I was doing on my own without structure.  Tonight is one of those nights but I will get through it and tomorrow night will be better.

I kinda know what to expect,  when to expect it, and how long it will last since I experienced this with my last cut a week ago. Please hang in there everyone,  we will get through this.  I will keep you all posted on my progress and symptoms.  I've improved greatly,  in comparison to how I was when I wrote this post.  I went through many horrific symptoms.  I am hoping I am past the worst of the worst but I will keep you posted.