A lifetime of insomnia was reason for benzo in the first place

What to do when a lifetime of insomnia was the reason for the benzo prescription in the first place, and discontinuing results in emergence of even worse insomnia? There is no "healing", there is only going back to where I came from, amplified now by withdrawal and whatever damage the drug has done to my brain. I am from a family of poor sleepers - grandmothers, parents, siblings, etc. Taking essentially no meds over a lifetime of "wakefulness" is what led me to the doctor's office with a plea for pharmaceutical help 15 years ago.

Clonazepam was her answer, and as you know, it works. I didn't know or really care how, and remained rather blissfully unaware until a new doctor schooled me and told me it would be in my best interest to stop taking it. Replacing something that helped me through my nights with NOTHING resulted predictably in disaster. Yes, I do want to be in my right mind when I am old. I'd also love to have some quality of life right now, but since initiating a taper over a year ago, quality of life has suffered immeasurably. I have experienced the many symptoms of sleep deprivation, and there is no end in sight. The irony of quitting clonazepam to avoid losing my mind, and feeling like I'm losing my mind over the problem clonazepam addressed is not lost on me

I have been diagnosed at a sleep clinic with primary insomnia, I've had CBT-I, I've practiced meditation, insane levels of sleep hygiene, I have tried numerous vitamins, herbs, supplements,OTC and prescription meds in the antihistamine, sedating anti-depressant anti-convulsant families. What I have found is that anything strong enough to make me sleepy will also give me an enormous hangover, with the exception of clonazepam, but I'm taking that off the table to avoid geriatric dementia. Insert eye rolling here.

Why would I have any reason to believe my sleep will improve when I am off this drug, since it was already so bad before I went on it? The process of removing the drug from my system has made my insomnia explode. Feeling like a trapped animal. Exhausted. Anxious. Irritable. Isolated. Highly distressed.  I switched from a general practitioner to a psychiatric practitioner for help with the pharmaceuticals. She's more than willing to prescribe, even to have me reinstate clonazepam at 1 mg to normalize my sleep. So far I have avoided that. She has seen how far downhill I have gone in a year and shares my concern for the toll on my emotional and physical health that sleep deprivation has taken. Any raging insomniacs out there who took benzos for sleep, and stopped taking them, and found a way to sleep again?

lora

I am so very sorry to hear about your lifelong battle with insomnia. I don't know if there will be any healing beyond your normal insomnia baseline once you are off the benzo and done with withdrawal, but I am pretty sure that continued uses of benzos will probably make your insomnia problems worse in the long-run. We are all dealt random hands and sometimes we end up with problems that we just can't seem to find any cures for. In the case of insomnia, the harder we try to find a cure, the more deep-seated the problem becomes. Once completely off any benzos and after having gone through whatever withdrawal worsening that may occur you might be able to find more acceptance and sleep might end up improving a bit. I certainly hope so. In the meantime just know that although sleep is pretty important, the lack of it is not as devastating as we are led to believe, otherwise many of us (you and your family included) would be much worse off than we are.

I was like you.  1 mg klonopin taken at bedtime and solely for insomnia.  Worked great for several years, then my tolerance grew...  Very typical story around here.

 

I had to re-evaluate my sleep requirements, and learned that setting the bar at 8 hours was not realistic and was causing me unnecessary anxiety.  I can actually function near 100% with 4 hours of sleep (although I'd prefer 5).  With that attitude adjustment, I've been able to function sans benzos and get sufficient sleep to function and be happy.

 

I don't practice any kind of sleep hygiene.  It seems like another level of hassle to me and who says that what works for the public at large is really the proper path for me??  I'll sleep wherever and whenever I can (bad hygiene).  I game or read or work on a laptop at bedtime or when I wake up (bad hygiene).  I lay around in bed when I'm awake (bad hygiene).  I listen to music all night in bed (questionable hygiene).

 

I do attempt to limit brain function late at night.  No intense conversations, TV dramas or late tasks.

 

I'll also use cannabis as needed to help with sleep.  It's not for everybody, but seems to be working pretty well for me right now.  Maybe there will be a price to pay on down the line, but nothing bad yet.

 

Hope this helps.  Changing my attitude about my sleep requirement was the most impactful change..

I just responded to another insomnia post, but just saw yours and wanted to add it again (sorry for anyone reading it twice). I have had insomnia my whole life and started taking xanax for insomnia. It caused me a tremendous amount of problems over the 6 months that I took it - I won't go into all the details but you can read my intro post if interested.

 

Anyway, here's what I posted before. I hope it helps.

 

I was on benzos short-term as well. I started due to insomnia in March, just a few times a week (Xanax 0.25mg). As interdose withdrawal started and worsened, so did my Xanax until I was up to 0.5mg five times a week for a few months. To make a long story short, insomnia was my original issue and has been one of the hardest things for me as well. Sometimes I also wake up with anxiety, sometimes I am ok, but I wake up twice a night - around 12 or 1 and around 3 or 4. I go to bed around 11 and get 6 hours of sleep. Here are some things that I have done.

 

1. Binaural beats for sleep. I keep my phone and headphones on my nightstand. I use YouTube to find binaural beats for delta sleep. I listen to them until I have a few of those nodding off episodes, then I take the headphones out and try to sleep.

2. Breathing. I breath in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. If you ever take your heart rate while doing this, often it will decrease by up to 10 beats a minute. It's kind of amazing. It calms me down.

3. Meditation breathing. I count my breaths to 10 while trying to release myself of thoughts. When they come, I label them as thinking or feeling. I learned this from HeadSpace an app I adore. I also listen to Sleepscapes. I love them. Luckily, my husband is a heavy sleeper!

4. Valerian. Valerian helps me fall asleep faster. I know it isn't for everyone, but I've found it helps. I also like Honokiol. It's expensive but Honopure is nice. I take them in the night sometimes but not every night.

5. Self talk before bed about acceptance. I realized that a lot of my problem was fear of sleep. I dreaded it, worried about the anxiety, worried about the stress of waking and trying to fall asleep. So I had to have a talk with myself. I'd say - I accept this night for whatever it brings. If I cannot sleep, so be it. I actually sleep better. But you have to mean it, and I probably don't always. haha.

6. CBD oil and pregnenolone. I don't recommend these without your doctor's blessing, but I have just started them. I wish I hadn't started them together since now I am not sure which one is helping. I have taken CBD oil (150mg) and pregnenolone 5mg sublingual on two occasions with an amazing (for me) 7.5 hours of sleep (still with the two wake ups but still great)! I am trying again tonight after last night's success. In most cases, one night of good sleep guarantees the next is not as good so we will see.

 

I am on day 21 after stopping xanax cold turkey on my doctor's advice (not great advice). The first week was hard, but I'm much better now, and just trouble shooting my way through the rest of this crazy experience. Good luck!

Can you use cannabis or cbd?

Are you able to exercise at all? Able to lift weights?

If you take something strong enough you say it can help you sleep, can you take it earlier in the evening to avoid hangover?

Appreciate responses.

Yes I do use cannabis at night to relax myself. Of all the things I've tried, it is the only one that helps to a limited degree, without the hangover.

Is there any benefit in using both a hemp derived CBD oil and marijuana? Or is that redundant?

Good advice on taking pharmaceuticals earlier to avoid next day hangover - everything I've tried I have taken early in the evening. Before 7 p.m.

Today I have a different kind of hangover, one that I get when I don't sleep at night. I had a very tough night, even with cannabis.

Exercise yes! I'm kind of a fitness maniac, it is priority #1 - I run ~ 6 miles daily when symptoms permit and follow that up with either a walk or weights.

Even when I'm minimally functional, getting outside to exercise is the best I feel all day. Unfortunately I now have days each week when I am not even minimally physically functional. I feel like I have lost some degree of fitness in the last year because of so many more days when I can't exercise. This takes a steep toll on both my physical and mental well being. Those close to me can see it. To this point, I disagree that lack of sleep is not as devastating as we are led to believe. I put forth huge effort not to catastrophize sleep deprivation, but it 100% takes away my ability to function normally. I have a sibling whose insomnia has literally disabled him and was causal in multiple serious health problems. I am giving it everything I have not to follow in his footsteps. I get that it's not the number of hours one sleeps that is important - I don't even look at the clock when I go to bed or the many times I wake up if I've managed to fall asleep - my head and body tell me in no uncertain terms whether I've had enough sleep. My aching head, brain fog, upset stomach and GI distress, low energy, low mood, anxiety, raised BP today confirm I did not have enough sleep.

Acceptance, yes. To a degree. The degree to which my standard for what is considered an acceptable use of a day has plummeted astonishes me!

Have not tried valerian, honokiol, pregnenolone - had never heard of a couple of those. Will bring it up with doctor at next visit. When I checked my doctor visit portal, her notes indicated possible next steps would be to try Seroquel, Clonidine, Gabatril and other really heavy hitters. What sticks in my craw is the willingness to give me these drugs with terrifying short and long term side effect profiles as bad as or worse than Clonazepam, which I've been assured is terrible for me and should be discontinued ASAP. Blows my mind. Also, any convo about cannabis has to happen off the record if at all b/c this is an FQHC and they are super nervous about losing funding if they go anywhere near recommending a substance that is still illegal on the federal level. Ok, I'm rambling. thanks to all.

 

 

trode,

 

I sent you a PM with my experiences and suggestions. Hopefully, this will be of some value.

 

 

following i started benzo because of insomnia as well. Now i am benzo free and still wondering most of the time that i still have sleepless night. maybe i havent sleep for a week

Same here...A lifetime of insomnia. The reason for Benzos in the first place..16 days off V via Ashton Manuel. With 4 nights of 0 sleep. The 5th night finally slept. Afterwards.

it seems every two nights l sleep. Researching Amino Acids Therapy and high Cortisol levels with Adrenal Fatigue issues. Never want another Benzo..Will keep riding the waves..