12 months off - windows and waves

Hi all,

 

I made it to 12 months off on 15th October. I am unfortunately not where I wanted to be. The first 3 months were hard. The next 3 tougher. I had a 6 week window of 70% at 6 months off - thought great i'm almost healed. Crashed badly months 7, 8 and 9. The last 3 months i have noticed more windows and waves - September was my best month, 25 out of 30 days I felt 80%. October, I have crashed again, high anxiety, doubting i'll ever heal. I was hoping for a celebration at 12 months. This business takes a long time and the non linear healing is really hard. Anyone else crash at 12 months off and if yes when did you start to feel better again. Big love to everyone. x

12 months is a huge accomplishment. Remember everyday forward is a day closer to healing. It will happen!!!!! I remember my 12 month date and was disappointed for sure but the next few months improved and are still getting better.

 

Hang in there better days are ahead. You've made it this far! stay strong.

 

J

Congrats on 12 months off!  I'm off 12 months today, too (Oct 25). As hard as it was tapering off for almost 3 years, the year since I "jumped" has been pretty rough, too. The anxiety and disruption from the year that we're going through with COVID hasn't helped, that's for sure.

 

Hang in there... every day brings us one day closer to our healing!

Congrats, hang in there,  it WILL get better . I HAS TOO. 

 

kanoba

Ugh this process is so full of frustration, pain, and disappointment. I can relate to your roller coaster at 10 months I crashed hard 7-9 and am just trying to recover from it. Anyways, 12 months is wonderful. When I’m struggling I try to remember how much worse it was during taper and acute. It’s hard because our brains block it out, but even though I’ve had some crushing waves and am still coming out of the last one, it’s not as intense as before. Sometimes I think they are harder in post acute because we thought we’d be further along...

Hi all,

 

I made it to 12 months off on 15th October. I am unfortunately not where I wanted to be. The first 3 months were hard. The next 3 tougher. I had a 6 week window of 70% at 6 months off - thought great i'm almost healed. Crashed badly months 7, 8 and 9. The last 3 months i have noticed more windows and waves - September was my best month, 25 out of 30 days I felt 80%. October, I have crashed again, high anxiety, doubting i'll ever heal. I was hoping for a celebration at 12 months. This business takes a long time and the non linear healing is really hard. Anyone else crash at 12 months off and if yes when did you start to feel better again. Big love to everyone. x

 

I'm 13 months benzo free - I understand how you're feeling.  I was feeling really good at 12 months but I had a big wave soon after and I'm coming out of it now.  I'm pretty sure it was caused by an increase in stress.  I hear you about how frustrating the non linear nature of healing is.  I find it helpful to think of the ways I feel better than earlier in withdrawal - recognizing the healing that has taken place already.

 

Thank you everyone - so good to get support. I wish you all great healing.

Congratulations on hitting the 12 month mark.  I hit 9 months soon.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience.  It reminds me that I cannot expect to just magically heal after just one year. 

 

Right now I’m getting these mini waves, where I start feeling like a wave is going to hit, I get some symptoms, and then several hours later I am fine.  There’s just no rhyme or reason to this.

 

Good luck to you!

You aren’t alone. I relate to the frustration of this going on and thinking by 1 year off things will be much improved only to realise this will not be the case. I’ll be one year off soon and it doesn’t look like I’ll be where I had hoped. Keep going, everyone says it will get better so hopefully it does.