My story, a life on benzos

Hello everyone,

Thanks for letting me join the community. I'm here to tell my story and hopefully gain some information and support. I've been prescribed benzos for almost 20 years. I've had a few years where I tapered off, but for the vast majority of my adult life, I've been on benzos, mainly klonopin at doses from 2mgs/day up to 4mgs per day. I have never been able to control my use of my script. It's been something I've struggled with my whole life. But recently, I got in over my head with abusing non prescribed benzos. I was using heavily and using the most powerful benzos available. Being on benzos for so long has lead me to make so many bad decisions in my life and I wish I was never put on them. I simply cannot control my use of them.

Anyway the reason I'm here is because for the past 8 months I was using, like I said, the most powerful benzos in enormous amounts. Over the past month, I went through an aggressive taper and I am almost finished. I know all about the Ashton Manual, but I was in a position where I had to taper fast. I did it at home with the help of a family member who held the medications and dosed me per the taper schedule we had come up with. I can't really go into what exactly I was taking until I get to know this community a little more, but it was more than most people have ever heard of.

I'm down to my prescribed amount (2.5 mgs klonopin a day), which is a huge drop from what I was taking a month ago. The past month has been hell. I am past the worst of the withdrawals but am experiencing things I never thought were associated with Benzo withdrawal and wanted to get some feedback. I am at a phase in the withdrawal process where my entire body hurts, almost like opiate withdrawal. Every morning it I wake up (if I slept) and it feels like I have the flu x 10. My back aches, my whole body hurts. I've contemplated going to the ER a few times because I was convinced I had pneumonia or something worse, but I know it's the WD, I just never thought this type of pain would be associated with benzos, but apparently it is.

I am not in a position where I can endure coming off of benzos completely. If I do, it will be extremely slow, not like the taper I just went through.

As I get to know the community more, I will expand on exactly what I was taking if I feel it's appropriate.

But I would really appreciate it if anyone could let me know if they've experienced similar withdrawal symptoms. On top of the physical pain, I'm still experiencing the more normal WD's, like shakiness, disassociation, extreme anxiety, feeling like I'm not really here, etc. But I'm really curious about the physical stuff. On top of the pain in my entire body, I had and still have GI distress, insomnia, inability to concentrate, depression, lack of motivation etc.

Im willing to expand on my story once I get to know the community better but that's the gist of where I am now and again I would appreciate any insights or comments about similar experiences.

Hello bsomethingon and Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We're glad you've joined us!

I'm sorry you're going through such difficult withdrawal symptoms.  Physically painful withdrawal symptoms are common in withdrawal in addition to what's referred to as "benzo flu",  in addition to a wide variety of other distressing symptoms.  Over time, and especially with a slow careful taper, these symptoms tend to fade away gradually.  You'll find good information and support on this site that has made the difference in getting through this for many of us, including me.

We typically suggest tapering with cuts of no more than 5-10% every 1-2 weeks depending on symptoms.  Many members taper with smaller cuts and hold at a dose until symptoms become more manageable.  A taper guided by symptoms is often the best way to keep symptoms to a minimum.

Now that you're a member please explore the site and feel free to post with questions about your situation.

You're already familiar with the The Ashton Manual.  You'll find the tapering methods we support here: Planning Your Withdrawal (Taper Plans)

To connect with others for support as you taper:  Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

It's helpful to other members to readily see where you are in your benzo journey so please create a signature.  Here's how. Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile.

We're glad you're here!  Please reach out for support-

Brighterday. 

Thank you for your response, it's helpful to know the physical stuff is normal. I'm going to explore the site more now. I think I added a signature.

Thanks again for welcoming me  :)