My benzo journey

Hi,

I decided to join benzo buddies for more support during my healing. I have concerns and questions like everyone and I feel so alone sometimes. I need people that understand what I’m going through. My journey starts out at the age of 19 and being prescribed xanax for nervousness at work. I didn’t like it thankfully and stopped after a week. I then started on xanax again at 24 for anxiety and panic attacks from life stresses. I did not take it everyday, just as needed. I was then switched to klonopin a few years later because it was ‘safer’ because it lasted longer. I ended up stopping with barely any issues years later. But made the mistake of starting again 2 years ago after being off for a few years for stress because I was never warned or told to not do this. I started to experience derealization, increased anxiety, insomnia, ocd after several months of occasional use. Never knowing it was from the benzo. It slowly crept up to one a month, then a few a month, then once a week for a month. And ended with one a day for a week. I was very sick, lost 40 pounds in 3 months, could barely eat, gut issues, panic attacks returned after being gone for years, cardiovascular symptoms, adrenaline surges, insomnia and that’s just the big ones. My doctor ended up ct me because she thought all the symptoms were an allergic reaction, when really it was interdose withdrawal and injury. I didn’t know this at the time until I did research of my own after the ct. So here I am almost 6 months off and still struggling, but better in some areas.

Hello Andshewillrise, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

I'm glad you are joining us.  I am so sorry to hear you are still having withdrawl symptoms; withdrawl can be so baffeling and frightening.

 

This process can feel very lonely at times but having a supportive community can make such a difference; it certainly has for me.  Here is a link to the Post-Withdrawl message board meant for people who are off benzos:

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

Look around, get your footing and when you feel ready, you can start a thread.  Let us know how we can help you.

 

Best and again, welcome,

 

Kate 

Welcome she will rise x all symptoms we all know too well x I am so sorry this happened to u but u are in good company, there is amazing support here, all the best with ur healing journey x

Thank you both for the warm welcome and support.

What are ur worst symptoms she? X

Thank you both for the warm welcome and support.

Welcome, brother/sister. There's a lot of good material on this site that can explain to you what is going on inside your head, here's one:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=232042.0

 

I have fully healed after 8 months of ups and downs from my C/T withdrawal. I return here sporadically to find good sources on benzodiazepines, and try to support others who struggled with similar problems as my own. Sleep was my main issue, and it seems to be the major issue of most buddies on here. Many of us got started on benzos for insomnia, and insomnia seems to be the most common symptom of withdrawal.

 

You said you were doing better in some areas, what are those areas? And what areas are you struggling with? 

Andshewillrise,... you most definitely will.. I can see you are strong and resilient. You've come to the right place. I wanted to welcome you.

 

All the best and abundantly healing ahead,

 

kanoba 

hello. I read your post and related to it. I have been off klonipin for 9 months after a 12 year addiction. I kept increasing my dose to where I was buying extras from people I knew. Nobody told me the affects of the drug long term,do you know I still didn't think I was addicted even though I was buying them! Anywho I pretty much went off cold turkey and experienced some of the symptoms you described +. My stomach was messed up for 6-7 months and I lost weight too. Anxiety is still bad and sometimes Iam scared I'll never feel right. I do have hope that things will improve and I take one day at a time. I'm not sorry I got off them as I was sleeping all the time,depressed and a zombie. Please do hang in there!

Your history sounds similar to mine, except I started xanax for insomnia, but it was prescribed years ago for anxiety (I didn't take it - should have dumped it!) It started with a few times a week, but interdose withdrawal (I had no idea!) caused panic attacks, anxiety, palpitations, and high blood pressure that increased over several months. I had no idea what was going on, and took more and more to treat the symptoms. I figured it out on my own and quit cold turkey on the advice of my doctor three weeks and one day ago (not great but it's working out ok). Before I stopped, I was taking about 0.5mg five times weekly for 3-5 weeks, though I was not good at tracking my intake so it is upsetting not to be sure. I am on day 22 and so much better than the first week, but still having insomnia, anxiety, fears of various things (this week it is fear of depression). All of the physical symptoms are gone (blood pressure normal, palpitations infrequent). I try to let it go and accept it, but it is hard. I read a couple of books on anxiety and acceptance that help, including Dare: the new way to end anxiety and panic attacks and Badass Ways to end Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks. Even though I know a lot of my current anxiety and fear is from benzo withdrawal, I also know that anything that I can do to calm my system and mind will help me to heal regardless of the cause. I recommend the books - sometimes it feels good to have something to do that can aid healing. Hang in there - I just joined too.