40 mgs of Diazepam to 0. It can be done.

I would first like to say that this was definitely the hardest thing I’ve went through in my life.  It also has been life changing in a good way.  I look at others with more compassion and do not get as worked up over the little things.  My appreciation for my life, family and others are at a level I’ve never experienced.

 

For those of you who are just starting, in the middle or almost through with your journey off this trash, it does get better and you will have life again.

 

I, like a lot of people on this forum, had no idea what I was getting into when I started taking Benzos.  Having been an alcoholic for the better part of my life (been sober for 16 years now) made me aware within a few days that I was in trouble with Benzos. 

What started out as .5 mgs of Ativan turned into 40 mgs of Diazepam within a month.  I knew I was in trouble and found a doc that helped me start tapering off.

 

To say it was a rough taper would be an understatement.  I went from 215 lbs to 155 lbs in about 5 months.  Took away, for the most part, 3 years of my life.  I took it slow and steady and that worked for me or allowed me to maintain my business and family life.  I don’t believe I even smiled for 2 years. 

 

I will not go into all the different problems I encountered during my taper because if there is one thing I learned from this forum it is that everyone is different.  I tried every different method you can find on this forum and couldn’t understand why it worked for them and not for me. 

 

My suggestion is to find a plan that works for you and stick with it.  I never went back up during my taper even though the thought probably crossed my mind daily.  Never go backwards unless it’s absolutely a medical necessity.

 

You are your own person.  God created you as a unique creation so don’t expect to heal like others.  You body will heal and it will only heal as you and your body allow it to.  Time is the only thing that works. 

 

Perspective.  You have to see this for what it is.  It’s a drug that has clouded your mind and your way of thinking.  You can’t reason with it, or try to figure it out.  Believe me I tried.  Just trust that it will end and what you are feeling now will pass.  I had to tell myself that daily, even when I didn’t really believe it myself. 

 

Supplements.  I probably tried everything I could find on this forum and nothing seemed to help me.  Like I said, what might work for someone else might not work for you.  Don’t get caught up trying to figure this out.  You’ll wear yourself out and only become more frustrated. 

 

Gluten free and diet.  I cleaned up my diet and went gluten free for the majority of my taper.  Not sure it helped me much but I did start eating healthier.  If gluten free doesn’t seem to be helping you then please eat a regular piece of bread!  I feel like I punished myself eating gluten bread for no reason.  I remember eating that first regular piece of bread and saying that’s it, I’ll never eat another piece of gluten free bread and I haven’t. 

 

Smoking.  I firmly believe that smoking cigarettes hindered and prolonged my taper.  I’m sure some people can smoke through their taper and say it never affected them.  Well, I don’t believe that.  If you are putting crap in your body from a cigarette then you are hindering your healing.  Just my opinion.  I promise you if you quit smoking you will feel better.  Easier said than done.  I didn’t quit until I was almost done with my taper and wished I had done it long before. 

 

I am not going to give any tips on how to taper.  Just find something that works for you.  It might not make you feel 100% but if it allows you to continue your taper then it works for you. 

 

During my taper I found it hard to go to a doctor and have him tell me anything about benzos.  Everything he knew was from his patients and what he read in a book or online. He didn't know how I was feeling because he had never been where I'm at.  I was only going to him to give me a prescription so I could taper.  I found most of my strength came from people on this forum that had been through or was going through what I was experiencing.  There are a lot of good people on this forum.  Just talking to someone who knows how you feel meant the world to me.  Some have great advice and others not so much.  Again, find what works for you and stick with it.

 

If you have a family or not, your life has meaning.  God created you for a purpose as he did with all of us.  It’s up to you to fulfill what God has planned for you.  I can tell you this for certain, if God did not have a plan for you then you wouldn’t be reading this.  Through my years of addiction to alcohol and drugs I’ve been on death’s doorstep a few times.  I can look back at those hard times and know God must have something for me or I would be here.

 

No matter how hard it might get or how hard it might seem, please know that it ends.  It might not feel like it will but it does.  I read these same words and found it hard to believe them myself.  Take if from someone that never thought it would end and that I was screwed for life, it ends and life will get better.  You will look back at this and realize you just made it through, in my opinion, one of the hardest things to come off of.  I’ve come off alcohol and drugs more than a few times and they seemed like a walk in the park compared to Benzos. 

 

I can also tell you this – Happiness, Joy and Peace will fill your life again.  You have to push for it, demand it and don’t let any negative thoughts or negative people keep you from it. 

 

Well, I’ve went on long enough.

 

You didn't deserve this so GO GET YOUR LIFE BACK!

 

GOD LOVES YOU!

 

ChrisBC - Clean and Sober! 

 

A joy to read.  Congratulations!

Wishing you continued healing

ChrisBC, wonderful story!  Thanks for sharing. 

 

Kate   

Congratulations ChrisBC

 

Enjoy your new life on the "other side" of the finish line! 

Amen ChrisBC!  Thank you for sharing your journey.    God is using your difficult experience to help so many who are suffering.   

What a beautiful success story, such a joy to read, thank you so very much for taking the time to write it.  So many people will read it to give them the strength to get through another day. 

Thank you for sharing your story.  I so appreciate you saying that we all are individuals with choices is terms of diet and supplements.  I also appreciate you saying that it gets better. 

 

Wishing you a wonderful benzo free life ahead.

 

 

Absolutely encouraging, Chris! I appreciate you taking the time to do this. I'm happy for you and looking forward to getting to the other side. I'm on my way. 

So happy for u chris x u have worked hard for your life back and I hope it brings you all that you wish for x

Thanks for sharing Chris