My Benzo History

Hello, I have had anxiety for most of my life. It really hit me hard after my father died on November 3, 2019. I started having 2-3 panic attacks a day and felt really out of control. I always had a prescription for Xanax for the last 20 years but sometimes I wouldn't take it for 3-4 years at a time. I was taking Xanax for the panic attacks after my father died and they did not help me. I got hooked up with a psychiatrist that put me on Klonopin for 27 days and then took me off cold turkey on May 21, 2020. I had no idea what this was going to do to me. I am 27 years sober from alcohol and drugs and had  no idea about benzos. I checked myself into a recovery home but was only there 2 weeks. I was not going to get better there. I got a new psychiatrist who put me back on Klonopin to taper me off correctectly and I was on many other drugs (zyprexa, vistaril, etc etc).  I have been totally off Klonopin for 2 months now. But I have the worst symptoms - I have been to the emergency room 4 times this year convinced I am dying and that something is wrong with me. Nothing is ever wrong. I am taking .5mg Lexapro now 2 times a day. I still have anxiety but I am beginning to have windows - entire days where I feel totally normal. I was/am so scared I will never be normal again. My benzo withdrawal symptoms are horrible - creepy crawl skin, fear, anxiety. I am going to do this thing and wanted to join BenzoBuddies to find other people that I can relate to that are going through the same thing.  I wonder how long this is going to last. I want my life back.

Hello RecoverNow, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you and my condolences on the loss of your father, it's been a rough year for you.  I'm not surprised to hear you're still dealing with symptoms, it takes awhile to heal from the damage done by this drug, it's not like alcohol or other drugs, this is the drug that keeps on giving long after the last pill.

 

I'm really glad you found us, we understand what you're feeling, not many can empathize with us because many in the medical community refuse to acknowledge us but you're among friends now who get it.

 

Please start a thread on the Post-withdrawal Recovery Support to connect with other members going through what you are and make yourself at home.

 

Congratulations on your sobriety by the way, I'm a friend of Bill W as well. 

 

Pamster