Overwhelming depression at 4 months out

Hi,

 

so basically i wasted my entire young life taking drugs and isolating myself in my own home. I didn't go out for years and didn't make friends and do life and all that..

 

I'm now 27 and this year i've only just started doing stuff. I'm volunteering in a homeless shelter, food bank, and a charity shop, this fills up my days and gets me out and about. I'll be getting my first job in a few months time (at 27 ,yeah i know...) and all that and I passed me driving test last week..

 

But, since coming down from all drugs/benzos it's left me with severe depression at the state of my life.. I don't have any friends, or girlfriend, or job or whatever and it's really hard to deal with.

 

Should I go on an anti-depressant? I don't want to go on those things but I'm tired of feeling like I'm dying all the time..

 

What is everyone's thoughts?

First off, it seems like you have come a long way! Getting off the medication and volunteering and getting your licence. Those are all great things! I think a lot of us can relate to losing time in our life. I spent 14 years on xanax as prescribed and it caused a lot of damage.

 

I think only you can decide whether your depression is severe enough for more medication. You might give yourself more time as the healing process takes a while. You may still be having side effects. 

I would stay away from them unless you really are bad. They can be as damaging as benzos. They do help a lot of people, and they used to help me. Just be aware that there are downsides to them, they won't really make you "happy" As such, just not care that you're not if that makes sense

cookiemouse, I wrote on your other thread, too, but I just want to reiterate that 27 is SO young - although nobody thinks that when they are 27. (Our brains are sometimes not even fully formed yet at that age.) You will have all those things you talk about. xoxoxo

cookiemouse, I wrote on your other thread, too, but I just want to reiterate that 27 is SO young - although nobody thinks that when they are 27. (Our brains are sometimes not even fully formed yet at that age.) You will have all those things you talk about. xoxoxo

 

thanks, but i feel so old. How do I carry on  like this? I can't even read books or do things.. my memory is completely fucked and i have severe depression and feel like i'm dead 24/7.

 

i don't have any friends and a job. gosh, i've wasted so long,..

I guess we carry on just by carrying on. Your brain is healing. And remember, this is a terrible time in this country - I don't think any of us aren't affected by that daily. xo

I see I first commented on this post almost two months ago.

 

I can now say that my severe agonizing depression has very much lifted.. It still comes and goes sometimes but it has gone from a 7/10 painful feeling to a 3/10 feeling..

 

I can tell that I'm healing.. I'm nearly 6 months out at this point..

 

The looping thoughts no longer happen, and I feel calmer in myself than I used too... Also, i don't have anxiety anymore - for the first time in 27 years  I'm free from it and my life is getting better everyday...

I see I first commented on this post almost two months ago.

 

I can now say that my severe agonizing depression has very much lifted.. It still comes and goes sometimes but it has gone from a 7/10 painful feeling to a 3/10 feeling..

 

I can tell that I'm healing.. I'm nearly 6 months out at this point..

 

The looping thoughts no longer happen, and I feel calmer in myself than I used too... Also, i don't have anxiety anymore - for the first time in 27 years  I'm free from it and my life is getting better everyday...

 

Hang in there cookiemouse and let the healing continue.

 

PG

hi there, i been there and honestly of us here been there. you can do it, just to acknowledge this will pass too.  I am healed now.  I remember i couldn't read, write and even think.  But here i am living proof, i can assure it will all go away.  You will feel like yourself and you have a wonderful life ahead just remember that!

hi there, i been there and honestly of us here been there. you can do it, just to acknowledge this will pass too.  I am healed now.  I remember i couldn't read, write and even think.  But here i am living proof, i can assure it will all go away.  You will feel like yourself and you have a wonderful life ahead just remember that!

 

How long did it take until you started to feel better and could do all the cognitive things again?? How long?

27 is so young.

You should be proud for all you achieved , it is not your fault if you took those drugs. Now the worst is behind you, and you are going to start blooming little by little.

 

Dont be so hard on yourself. Now it is just your low mood that makes you see all that is wrong in your life but it is going to change step by step.

 

Also during this pandemic everybody has their mood impacted.

 

Maybe you should wait a bit if you can, try to see how to imrpove your life , I know it sounds cheesy but you can find good ressources in self help book like Cognitive Behavourial Therapy , and learn how to change your thoughts  to improve your depression and help with all aspects of your life. You can start reading one page a day or even less..or go and watch youtube videos on the subject.

 

Hug

Hi,

 

I'm now 27 and my life is only just starting.. I'm volunteer at a charity shop 5 days a week, a homeless soup kitchen 3 days a week, foodbank 2 hours per week (that's all they'll give me, homeless charity 1 day per week, and I've got my application in with the drug services to volunteer with them and become a 'peer mentor' so I can help deter others away from drugs and alcohol..

 

Plus I now have a car and I can drive and all of that... It's really good to be able to drive..

 

Plus, I've just been accepted to become a volunteer listener with the UK samartians.. The training begins in January.. My goal is also to become a mental health worker and for this I'll be going on an college then university course starting in September 2021 (I just hope my cognitive impairment has lifted sufficiently for that by that time)...

 

I also do courses online which keep my busy, they are mental health related..

I also joined a church and I'll be going to volunteer in one of them this sunday... I'll ring up around..

 

I met some christians and befriended them, and they seem quite friendly and all that.. I'm trying so hard to get friends but it's hard without a job, which i'll be getting next february or march time (just letting my withdrawal symptoms lessen a bit before I do..)

 

what else... oh I ditched my depressive family members, they didn't want the best for me and they only tried to stifle me... Oh and I don't have anxiety anymore.. For the first time in like 27 years I'm free of it!!

 

So my life is getting better , slowly...

This is great news and pretty inspiring.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and I need to remember that as well.  I was catching up on your previous posts and am happy for you and your progress.  Also glad you were able to do this without an antidepressant.  They help a lot of people obviously but they always gave me massive mental side effects like brain fog and some degree of numbness/disconnection that was limiting my ability to feel joy. 

 

I’m 40 and have wasted much of my life, or at least gotten far less than 100% out of my life, over the past 20 years being on Klonopin and an army of psych meds.  You sound a lot more mature than me.  In my twenties, I wasn’t willing to give up more than two weeks of my life to press the stop button, try to get off meds, and truly address my mental health.  Would have much rather been getting wasted with friends (who I’m not really friends with anymore).  Cheers to your future.

You will get better and better as long as you stay off all the drugs both legal and illegal. It will take time for your brain to heal. My guess is that your brain was used to dopamine releases and when it did not get them anymore, BAM.... depression and worse. you used benzos to numb yourself. IMHO, I would stay off any drug that effects your brain chemistry PERIOD. Sure, it may numb you to life but then you are not living. When you want to get off them it is hell. Best not to damage yourself any further. Invent a new you and become it. I have faith you will soon be happy again. You have to work at it for a while until it becomes 2nd nature. 

 

Try this: Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself | complete AudioBook .. Dr Joe Dispenza https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCsXV1GnaUo

You will get better and better as long as you stay off all the drugs both legal and illegal. It will take time for your brain to heal. My guess is that your brain was used to dopamine releases and when it did not get them anymore, BAM.... depression and worse. you used benzos to numb yourself. IMHO, I would stay off any drug that effects your brain chemistry PERIOD. Sure, it may numb you to life but then you are not living. When you want to get off them it is hell. Best not to damage yourself any further. Invent a new you and become it. I have faith you will soon be happy again. You have to work at it for a while until it becomes 2nd nature. 

 

Try this: Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself | complete AudioBook .. Dr Joe Dispenza https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCsXV1GnaUo

 

I aldready did a taper from 40mg citalopram (SSRI) in January 2020.. It took months for the withdrawals to stop!

 

I couldn't feel human on them.. I was on them for years and they made me into a zombie..

Congrats, cookiemouse!  Obviously so much healing has happened for you.  You are still so young, and all that wonderful life in front of you.  And you are going into it with wisdom most do not have at your age.  Be proud!