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20 Months off today


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I can't believe I am here and writing this as I never, ever, thought I would make it this far. But here I am!

So, so  much is better. I still get slammed and when I do, it is absolutely awful, but it's only a day or two in the week instead of 100% of the time. My good days feel amazing and near normal (even though I know I'm not).

 

Today I drove with three of my kids about 40 minutes to wish my grandmother a happy 100th birthday! I haven't seen her in two years because I've been so sick and I could not dream of driving that far even three months ago. I socialized with family and was out in the sun and then I ran a few errands after and WAS FINE. I still couldn't tolerate stores a few months ago and was still afraid to drive and be out of the house. Then I took my daughter to her doctor appointment and will take her to volleyball tryouts tonight...as in driving at night which I also couldn't do because headlights had weird halos around them and I was afraid. Tomorrow if I am well I will paint my fireplace and give it a makeover because I've been staring at it for two years and want to completely destroy it! 

 

Point being...I literally could have done none of this three months ago and I did all of this in ONE DAY. And I WANT to paint my fireplace and be out and about and see people which I could not fathom even caring about until the last few weeks.

 

I just want to offer hope. I want to tell you to keep going. That every second that passes MATTERS. You MATTER. Your life MATTERS. I have so much devastation and trauma in my life that I have no idea where to begin but at least I can start to begin. It might take me a long time and I know I'm not healed. I still have a ways to go but I am here writing this to all of you to tell you that I feel like a real live human being instead of some weird thing stuck in a hellish place that feels like another reality. Maybe it will last and maybe it will be gone in the morning but it is hope in things to come.

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Congrats to you!!!!!  :clap: I'm looking forward to getting my life back also. Driving again sounds like heaven! Thx for the wonderful update and heartfelt encouragement
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I can't believe I am here and writing this as I never, ever, thought I would make it this far. But here I am!

So, so  much is better. I still get slammed and when I do, it is absolutely awful, but it's only a day or two in the week instead of 100% of the time. My good days feel amazing and near normal (even though I know I'm not).

 

Today I drove with three of my kids about 40 minutes to wish my grandmother a happy 100th birthday! I haven't seen her in two years because I've been so sick and I could not dream of driving that far even three months ago. I socialized with family and was out in the sun and then I ran a few errands after and WAS FINE. I still couldn't tolerate stores a few months ago and was still afraid to drive and be out of the house. Then I took my daughter to her doctor appointment and will take her to volleyball tryouts tonight...as in driving at night which I also couldn't do because headlights had weird halos around them and I was afraid. Tomorrow if I am well I will paint my fireplace and give it a makeover because I've been staring at it for two years and want to completely destroy it! 

 

Point being...I literally could have done none of this three months ago and I did all of this in ONE DAY. And I WANT to paint my fireplace and be out and about and see people which I could not fathom even caring about until the last few weeks.

 

I just want to offer hope. I want to tell you to keep going. That every second that passes MATTERS. You MATTER. Your life MATTERS. I have so much devastation and trauma in my life that I have no idea where to begin but at least I can start to begin. It might take me a long time and I know I'm not healed. I still have a ways to go but I am here writing this to all of you to tell you that I feel like a real live human being instead of some weird thing stuck in a hellish place that feels like another reality. Maybe it will last and maybe it will be gone in the morning but it is hope in things to come.

 

I am really struggling these days and your post made my day and gave me hope again. I was searching you tube, Benzo supprt and was keep getting all these negativity and thought I will never be normal again. Keep it up and wish you all the best ...Take care :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

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that is awesome. I know how you feel its as it just gets better with time...healing does happen!

 

When you start getting things done around the house you know you are healing. I happened with me and I am just behind you by about 6 weeks.

 

Keep posting on your progress, our BB need HOPE....

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Warrior: You are always such a blessing. You've been through so much in addition to this benzo mess - and here you are blessing others! So glad to hear of all your progress - its when we look back we truly see how far we've come right?!

You've been a rock for me on the days I felt as though I was drowning - your sense of humor in the midst of hell is truly a gift lol.

 

Good to hear your "voice" on BB again!!  :smitten: :smitten:

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Well done?

 

You mention surgery.

Was your surgery site extremely painful/raw in this and scar tissue very tight?

 

Adjusta,

I had major thoracic surgery with a lung deflated so it was pretty bad. It was painful but not unbearable. The area where the chest tube went it was burning for about a year on and off but honestly, it was overshadowed by everything else I was feeling.

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