4 Month Update off Ambien CT

I thought I would write an update to being 4 months free of Ambien and off all psych meds, which I also cut CT. Lately, for some reason, my old posts from like 2-4 months ago are getting some traction, so I figured I would update on how I am doing since those posts. Things have gotten better, and the healing is slow but there. I think that we often forget how much we have healed because it is so slow and we are still miserable. In acute and for like the first two months, I was bed ridded and was struggling to stay up throughout the day. I could only tolerate a small cup of coffee upon waking up. I had the most horrific morning dread! I could sleep in until like noon and would get this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach that would send me into cortisol surges from six in the morning until I woke up. I just hated waking up so much. On a really bad week, I would take a quick shower every three days and brush my teeth every three days. On a good week, I would shower every other day and brush my teeth every other day. I would alternate between NEVER having an appetite and eating nothing but bread and cereal to wanting to eat sweets ALL day (withdrawals of an addiction, I am sure). I could not go to bed before 2 am; I had to exhaust myself throughout the day, and I was unable to take a nap.

 

I still can't take naps, but I am able to go to bed as early as 10:00 pm. I am exhausted all day long, but not like before. I am not struggling to keep my eyes open. The brain fog is still there, as is the feeling of having a helmet on my head electrocuting me with a buzzing feeling. BUT, I can now write sentences, comprehend what I read, and I am even reading a History textbook each week when preparing my lesson plan. Before, I would not have even considered working--there just was no way. I am not the teacher I was before, and I have had to give up ALL of my leadership positions, stop working on my PhD, and decline an offer to teach at a community college, but I get up every day for work. I do not have motivation, feel like I have the benzo flu all day until the night time, and still struggle with stomach issues. However, I did what I thought was impossible and that is being able to earn a paycheck. I have had to adjust my living to accommodate work. I shower at night, wake up 30 mins before work, quickly get dressed, and head to work with a cup of coffee. Like I said before, I go to bed at 10 at night, which I did not think was possible, but it is! I now am able to shower everyday and just recently have now found the ability to brush my teeth twice a day! I eat two square meals a day, and have just recently incorporated snacks. I eat breakfast on the weekends, but not on the weekdays. I have been living off sandwiches and plain chips, but I realize that taking away bread from my diet helps me to not feel so bad. I have horrible benzo belly, but I am getting rid of all bread this week, so we'll see how that goes, and I have a GI appointment in November. I got my gallbladder taken out during withdrawal, so that could be some of the cause for my benzo like belly and the food intolerances. I didn't give up bread until recently because other than giving me benzo flu and benzo belly, it was one of the few foods that didn't cause pain and cramping. I tried a green smoothie a couple of months ago and it sent me into a wave...or I thought. It could have been the way I blended it because raw foods are difficult to digest, or it could have been just a wave that coincided with the smoothie. However, today I had a Lemon Ginger Smoothie from Smoothie King that had the same ingredients I blended and it didn't send me into a wave. I drank 32 oz of it, too! Soooo good.

 

I am far from healing, I would say I am stage two or three. But, I am getting better. I have derealization still, but not like it was in acute. I pray that this veil between me and the world eventually lifts. I think I won't be fully healed for about a year. I wanted to write this to give hope for some of the new ones on here. I had an addiction to energy drinks, so having to cut those out CT is playing into these withdrawals. I have noticed that people who were not poly drugged or had other vices, healed faster than those who did and were. Beside going to work, I give myself chores to give me normalcy and to hopefully help with healing. Today, I was able to drive into the city (an hr drive) to pick something up, go grocery shopping, wash my car (in the car wash, but still!), wash dishes, wash clothes, and get lesson plans done. I have been babysitting my niece for two weeks, and she has really helped me to get moving and off the bed. Taking care of her has distracted me. I try to laugh often, be more patient, and not complain or talk about my illness. I want to believe in healing. I think not checking this site often has really helped, because I sometimes forget I am sick for like 5 minutes or so.

 

Here's to hoping for an even better update next month!

From one teacher to another speedy healing! If you don't mind me asking how old you are if you do no worries, I wish you peace.

 

kanoba

From one teacher to another speedy healing! If you don't mind me asking how old you are if you do no worries, I wish you peace.

 

kanoba

 

Just turned 32 this summer. Here's to healing for the both of us! 

Thanks for letting us know how you're doing, I'm glad you can see improvement but boy what a journey you've had.  I'm sorry you had to sacrifice so much of your professional gains but happy you were able to keep your job, hopefully when you recover you'll have these opportunities again.

 

Keep up the fight Icy, you're amazing! 

 

 

Icy: so great to see this update..you were on my mind the other night and was wondering how you were doing!

 

I think you've made some wise choices to make this healing more manageable for you, although I'm sure it feels like a huge loss. Try to think of it as on "pause"...not over. Opportunity will come again:)

 

Please continue to keep us posted. Practice some awesome self care.

From one teacher to another speedy healing! If you don't mind me asking how old you are if you do no worries, I wish you peace.

 

kanoba

 

Just turned 32 this summer. Here's to healing for the both of us!

 

We are almost the same age I’m 31!

Congratulations on hitting the 4 month mark.  You should start seeing some steady progress now.  It’s good that you cannot nap during the day as that can impact your ability to sleep at night.

 

I just hit 8 months off this month and while I am not healed, my life is much better.  I wish you another 4 months of success!

Good work, Icy. Things seem to be coming along well for you.

 

 

Katz

Way to go, Icy! I'm also 4 months post jump. I've had some things disappear and still dealing with boatiness. It's caused me to be bedridden as well. It's finally improving a bit. I'm excited for our healing. You're doing a great job! Thx for sharing. Big hugs