OCD, fear, intolerances and triggers

Hello Benzo Buddies!

 

May sounds weird but... Is anyone here devolopped severe OCD about death, being violent, losing control, intrusive dirty thoughts and so...? This is kinda crazy for me.

 

Also, I don't tolerate violence, porn, TV or even stupid things can triggers my anxiety so bad... Even being with my friends or my family, is like I cannot tolerate anyone whitout being completely anxious and about to collapse so now I stay alone most of the time. Going to the grossery is pure hell but I do it anyway.

 

I am really scared for my mental health at this point, I cold turkey but the had to go back to Xanax and then stopped again.... I feel like I really have to do a proper taper.

 

Maybe the levels of my serotonine is really low and should consider taking anti depressant, but kind of scared to make things worst.

 

Give you all love and hope for the best!

 

Everything you're going through is pretty common especially if you CT. It's because glutamate an excito-neurotransmitter is rampant and you don't have enough GABA because you abruptly quit the benzo.

 

When I CT'd I went through living hell before throwing in the towel and re-instating, stabilizing and doing a slow taper.

 

Only you can make the decision to just hang on and power through it or to get back on and taper slowly giving your body time to adjust as you slowly lower your dose. Some feel that a CT is faster as far as recovery goes but from I've seen it isn't that much faster. What you need to weigh is if you want to go through terrible symptoms with the idea (not guaranteed) of healing faster or to go through manageable symptoms and taper slowly.

 

Maybe the levels of my serotonine is really low and should consider taking anti depressant, but kind of scared to make things worst.

 

 

Many members have gone on an antidepressant while withdrawing or recovering from benzo use and it has turned out to be a bad idea, we don't react to things the way we normally might.  Our central nervous system is so sensitized that its difficult to predict if something is going to hurt or help.  Add to that the side effects you can expect by adding another drug and you won't know what is causing what.  I'm not saying don't do this, I'm just saying do your research and proceed with caution.

 

I know you're worried about your mental health but as Jwl said, these are typical symptoms which will leave you when you recover. 

Thank you so much to both of your for your answers . I am kinda of relief... But still scared. The thing is, I never really used Xanax on a daily basis, only when I needed it, but like since 2 years now. So my doctor never told me : take 1 pill every morning and night or whatsoever. I never crossed the dosage of 0.25 mg of xanax, wich bring me to this brain injury, this is insane. The question is : how to tapper proprely from here. Because now I have to take it everyday to tapper it right? I should go to the taper topic maybe to get helped.

 

Edit: Content

We typically see members who don't take the drug every day average out their use and begin to take it each day.  Some have tried to reduce their dose the same way they took it but it doesn't seem to work out.

 

Can you figure out how much you take in a week?

I would say mostly at night for sleep 3 times a week, one day yes, another day no and never the week end because if I fall asleep at 4am I don't have to work so it was OK for me that way. I actually CT in February this year, it was hard but manageable. I took it again on June because I moved and it gave me a lot of stress (the night before), unfortunately in the new appartement it was too noisy so I had to moove again, I end up with no appartement, (lucky me now I have an appartement for the first October), but basicly those past 4 month I did not stop going from a place to another (friends and family) and the stress was intense. Definitely not a good time to CT. But everytime I took a xanax I was ok and then the next days, always worst than the last time I stopped. I don't know if I make sence, my English is not perfect I am from Switzerland sorry.

I'm sorry to hear about all of the stress you've been under, I can understand why you're taking it for sleep, you need to function.

 

Many members have reported having a more difficult time stopping the drug when they've done it multiple times, it seems like the drug remembers previous use and discontinuation so hopefully this will be your last time.

 

If you take .25/ 3 times a week, perhaps you could cut your tablets in half and take .125 each night, this will mean you'll be going up in dose to start out but it may help you get on a regular schedule so you can begin your taper.  The problem is, while you'll be getting a consistent dose in your bloodstream, you probably won't be able to sleep.

 

I feel that whatever you decide to do, it might be a good idea to wait until you move into your new place before you make any changes. 

Everything you're going through is pretty common especially if you CT. It's because glutamate an excito-neurotransmitter is rampant and you don't have enough GABA because you abruptly quit the benzo.

 

When I CT'd I went through living hell before throwing in the towel and re-instating, stabilizing and doing a slow taper.

 

Only you can make the decision to just hang on and power through it or to get back on and taper slowly giving your body time to adjust as you slowly lower your dose. Some feel that a CT is faster as far as recovery goes but from I've seen it isn't that much faster. What you need to weigh is if you want to go through terrible symptoms with the idea (not guaranteed) of healing faster or to go through manageable symptoms and taper slowly.

 

Actually, it's not just glutamate; it's not that simple. Catecholamines such as noradrenaline, acetylcholine, lack of serotonin have all been implicated in anger.

Thank you for your answers! At this point I really don't know what to do. I talk to my therapist, of course he never heard about benzo withdrawal and prescribed me Seroquel (25mg really low dosage). I did not took them (yet), too afraid to make things worst. I talk to him about my symptomes, he don't seemed to be that worry... But well, I think he don't realize the severity of it. I am confused now. Going back to Xanax, anti depressant, Seroquel? Doing nothing at all? And of course the more I read, worry, search... The worst I get. If only we know what our brains needs to go back on track

I feel your best course of action would be to taper from the Xanax and recover from your use, but of course, this decision is yours to make.  Let us know how we can help. 

Hello,

 

Just to give you a little update.

 

I finally moved into my apartment, unfortunately the soundproofing is very bad and I can hear all my neighbors and even the noises are triggers. At least I have a roof over my head. But I get scared with every sound.

 

I still haven't decided to go back to Xanax and haven't taken any psychotic drug since, but my condition is not improving.

 

I'm currently doing a detox (juice feast), it's my 4th day I'll try to do a maximum of 7 days (not sure that's a good idea but I tell myself that it can't hurt me and clean my system and gut).

 

I have 2 strange symptoms, the first one and that when I try to fall asleep, I have lots of thoughts and images that come to mind, even with dialogues, the subjects are not disturbing but it is is like I'm not in control of my thoughts, I'm not quite awake or asleep at this time but it's very strange. It doesn't make any sense, because I'm still conscious but have no control over it, it can happen also in the morning when I try to get back to sleep. The second symptom, when I try to concentrate on doing something, it's like my brain is too stimulated and that directly leads me to restlessness and anxiety, it even hurts to think . It's annoying.

 

Can you reassure me about these symptoms and tell me that it is more or less normal or I am becoming completely psycho and am sinking into a mental illness, I am sometimes afraid of being schisophrenic (even if I don't hear voices or hallucinate) because I feel so far from myself.

 

Mornings are always the worst time, barely awake my heart beats very very hard and very quickly, my thoughts are in disorder and my skin burns me. This morning, a big anxiety attack, I thought I was going to die or go crazy.

 

I am always able to go shopping. I am less afraid of people but I still feel so strange in society, every time I leave home I tremble, my legs are weak and dizziness accompanies me everywhere.

 

At the end of my detox I might do a good and proper tapper because I don't know how long I can live like that. I feel nothing like a human anymore.

 

 

Kayiel,

 

it was few months ago now, how are you?

 

Bumped into your post and it talked to me a lot, and nobody answered to your last post

 

hope you are feeling better 

 

xx

Yes I’d like to see an update too, I’m feeling the exact same way as this 6 weeks after a CT, feeling hopeless and fear that this won’t ever improve and that I’m losing my mind, would also like to know if you went ahead with reinstatement/anti-depressants, this is something I’ve also been trying to decide.

This def sounds like wd. Sx. To me. My mind went banannas scared the crap out of me. Never had my brain think like that before. Im tapering and I still. Have it not as bad, but at least I know its wd, I didn't before. They say if you didn't have these sx before the drug then its the drug. So you just use coping skills, strict! Don't feed into the thoughts. Im on an antidepressant and im not sure if its doing a thing. I have been on them for years. But I was on that and benso at the same time. I still feel like crap. I xant say it won't help you though, 8 just don't know. It you ctd and its to much and you a going through hrllish sx you can't manage may you could reinstate at a lower dose and maybe it could stabilize you and when your sx settle you can taper of at  your own pace. You will be ok. This drug is horrible but we can do this and will heal. See what others say, im no expert.

Hello,

 

Just to give you a little update.

 

I finally moved into my apartment, unfortunately the soundproofing is very bad and I can hear all my neighbors and even the noises are triggers. At least I have a roof over my head. But I get scared with every sound.

 

I still haven't decided to go back to Xanax and haven't taken any psychotic drug since, but my condition is not improving.

 

I'm currently doing a detox (juice feast), it's my 4th day I'll try to do a maximum of 7 days (not sure that's a good idea but I tell myself that it can't hurt me and clean my system and gut).

 

I have 2 strange symptoms, the first one and that when I try to fall asleep, I have lots of thoughts and images that come to mind, even with dialogues, the subjects are not disturbing but it is is like I'm not in control of my thoughts, I'm not quite awake or asleep at this time but it's very strange. It doesn't make any sense, because I'm still conscious but have no control over it, it can happen also in the morning when I try to get back to sleep. The second symptom, when I try to concentrate on doing something, it's like my brain is too stimulated and that directly leads me to restlessness and anxiety, it even hurts to think . It's annoying.

 

Can you reassure me about these symptoms and tell me that it is more or less normal or I am becoming completely psycho and am sinking into a mental illness, I am sometimes afraid of being schisophrenic (even if I don't hear voices or hallucinate) because I feel so far from myself.

 

Mornings are always the worst time, barely awake my heart beats very very hard and very quickly, my thoughts are in disorder and my skin burns me. This morning, a big anxiety attack, I thought I was going to die or go crazy.

 

I am always able to go shopping. I am less afraid of people but I still feel so strange in society, every time I leave home I tremble, my legs are weak and dizziness accompanies me everywhere.

 

At the end of my detox I might do a good and proper tapper because I don't know how long I can live like that. I feel nothing like a human anymore.

 

Go read my ‘Success Story’ in the forum here...

I'd be interested how you are doing. I was made to CT by new doctor. Often wondered if saw another GP and reinstated then tapered would it be better 2nd time round?