Horrid wave at 9 months off

Oof. I have not been on here in a long long time. Mostly I like to not even think about all of this anymore because the whole taper and withdrawal process was so traumatic I had to forget it all happened. Absolute nightmare. Right now something seems to have triggered a severe post acute wave. My whole body is on fire, every nerve burning and aching. Ok so nauseated I can hardly move. Sitting and watching tv to try and distract myself is painful. Agony. Ugh. It just hit me like a truck a couple of nights ago and it really just brings back the flood of memories (and ptsd) cultivated during this process. I am thoroughly convinced benzos are one of the worst drugs on the face of the earth.

 

I am in 12 step recovery and not one gets it. Thought I would post here because I know that y’all do (unfortunately). Eeep need some compassion and support. Thanks. 

Hi Rose!

 

I’m right there with you. I jumped on 12/25/19  and the last 3-4 weeks have been horrific at times. I have some of the same symptoms you describe. I agree that benzos are the worst drugs on the face of the earth. I keep reminding myself that healing is not linear, but I never expected healing to take this long.

 

Wishing you well, Sandy

It happens! Very common and just part of the process.  Windows and waves is the healing journey. You will be okay. Just take one day at a time. Nothing is permanent.

Stress seems to bring the return of symptoms for a lot of members, have you had any major stress lately, any new medications or health issues?

I honestly have no idea what triggered this. Nothing. It’s such a hellish process. It’s like as soon as I get well again I get knocked out. Can’t keep a job? Barely surviving. What’s the point? World has gotten pretty awful and that’s probably enough of a trigger for anyone.

My daughter and I have some pretty harsh words for the year 2020, I get what you're saying.  But you're right, there doesn't have to be a trigger for things to go wrong with this process.

 

I tried to go to an AA meeting when I was hurting like you are, couldn't make myself get out of my car, I knew no one there could comprehend what I was going through.

Thanks, I appreciate you.

I think that sometimes I get a wave not as a result of a single trigger but rather a build up of day to day events that stress me.  2020 has turned out to be a really bad year and I am hoping that 2021 will be better.  The fact that you have been off for 9 months is a great thing and that means you will recover.  If this is just a wave then you must know that it will pass and you will feel better.  I hope you feel better and that your personal life problems improve and go away.

Thanks John. I’m white knuckling it. It is amazing I made it 9 months and nothing could get me to take a Benzo ever again, that’s for certain. I never thought my taper would end. I think you’re right too many things just piled on top of one another.