Author Topic: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..  (Read 2518 times)

[Buddie]

Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« on: September 15, 2020, 06:44:34 pm »
I want to encourage and remind all of you on this journey that a huge part of the depression you feel is related to benzos. I am sitting here today NOT depressed, but when a wave hits - depression likes to come with it. So in this I know it is a chemical issue.

Years ago i was diagnosed with clinical depression and was on AD's for 8 years - my meds pooped out and then came the polydrugging and benzos.
But I am not on Ad's now and am ok. I just have to ride out the waves. When it hits it hits hard..but it goes.

So technically a DSM diagnosis would say I now have "adjustment disorder" lol. Labels change. thank goodness.

I am not saying that no-one should take AD's. Some people do find relief with them.
What I am saying is that depression from benzos is a real thing and it is just the benzos. Also please understand the situational depression you feeling bc this journey upsets the life you once knew and it is soul crushing. But as you heal, life can be rebuilt, and hope can bring joy. Hope is powerful.

Just want to encourage those who are in a pit of dark despair. Today my body is hurting, but my soul is at peace.
We are healing.

And feel free to remind me of my own words in a wave :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2020, 07:01:22 pm »
Hi, Trina, what a wonderfully encouraging post!  :smitten:

I'm currently suffering from a depression, and it's exactly as you describe it - a "wave" hits and then everything is dark, gloomy, hopeless. But there are hours when the depression dissipates and I feel absolutely okay.

It's so good that you're conscious of the depression when it happens, even if you feel like you cannot control it. It seems you can manage without anti-depressants, which is great!  :thumbsup:

Yeah, well according to a test I took, I now have Dependent Personality Disorder - go figure, I'm dependent on drugs lol. The DSM is not the most accurate tool to diagnose a disorder, especially without a clinician supervising the diagnostic procedure. Also, disorders are often co-morbid with other disorders and tend to overlap, so it's a real jigsaw puzzle to research & research, then analyse, then diagnose. It can be unhealthy, so don't get too wrapped up in tests.  :P

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on depression, as they are going to help us a lot!  :smitten: Moreover, I hope if I'm not able to, someone else will remind you exactly what you've said if you're in a wave, and help you cope during that window. Stay safe!  :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2020, 07:03:38 pm »
Yes!

I got into the med game because a bunch of things beyond my control happened at the same time. I've always had the winter blues but it never got the better of me for too long. Living just took a bit more effort, that's all. Apart from that, stress and bereavement might bring on a minor episode but honestly, it was complete child's play compared to chemical depression.

I would add to your points, based on my own experience, that tapering has the potential to help clear depression. For anybody near the beginning of their taper potentially feeling panicked because their depression is already severe, it's entirely possible that it'll get better rather than worse when you taper, especially if you first experienced symptoms of severe depression while taking the benzo.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2020, 10:26:47 am »
I crossed over from Ativan to Valium. When things settled down I felt great on the Valium. I stabilized and was able to enjoy life again. Until I started tapering the Valium. After a few (too fast) cuts the depression hit me. And has stayed with me ever since. I did have down feelings before the benzo's, but not like this. This is much stronger and it literally hurts. I can only hope it is the benzo's doing this (or the taper) and it is hard to deal with. Strength to all of you. Greetings [...].
« Last Edit: May 26, 2022, 09:56:22 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2020, 03:11:09 pm »
Same here.  Work stress, general depression, and two suicides in my family caused me to blow out....  So after there I was taking antidepressants, ambien, and ativan...what a combination.  I know now that all I did was mask the problems that I needed to solve. 

It wasn't until I did cognitive behavioral therapy that I was able to start changing the way I thought and saw the world.  I learned that I needed to face my fears (and my therapist gave me plenty of exposure therapy tasks to complete), to stop looking for things to complain about, to stop filtering out all the good and seeing only the bad. 

Since many people have asked me for specifics, I will start a new thread and post some of the things I did. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2020, 03:16:57 am »
Hi  When you say waves, what or how long does a wave last.  my depression was severe before benzos now it is 10 times worse.  there is never a wave, it is just continuous depression and fatigue and body pain.  I have fibromyalgia but it is 10 times worse too.  I do not know where to turn It is like my brain does not have any serotonin at all.  I have been this way since middle school   I have not ever used hard drugs that deplete the chemical.  I am not sure what you can do for me or why I am writing you, just bored out of my mind and just reading a bit on bb but it is hard with this fog and depression and pain mentally and physically.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2020, 12:06:47 am »
Depression is very common while using a benzo, tapering, or after jumping. So I can see why you are feeling so rough.
I'm sorry you've struggled with it for so long. I've had episodes off an on through life, but I know I had a lot of situational things that contributed to it.
I always encourage ppl to look at diet, exercise, and what supports they have in life. In addition theres sometimes things we keep inside that we need to work through so I think a good therapist can be very helpful. but even with all that I know that once dealing with benzos a lot of this is bio/chemical.

My waves vary..I've had them last days/week/ and weirdly wash over me for a few hrs and lift. My window days are by no means perfect, but are noticeably better than my wave days by far. There are may who do not have definitive window/wave patterns, and sound a lot like how you describe.

I don't know you so its hard to have a good discussion on this to find what may benefit you. but sometimes its just good to talk and know you're not alone in this:)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2021, 10:02:15 pm »
Depression is very common while using a benzo, tapering, or after jumping. So I can see why you are feeling so rough.
I'm sorry you've struggled with it for so long. I've had episodes off an on through life, but I know I had a lot of situational things that contributed to it.
I always encourage ppl to look at diet, exercise, and what supports they have in life. In addition theres sometimes things we keep inside that we need to work through so I think a good therapist can be very helpful. but even with all that I know that once dealing with benzos a lot of this is bio/chemical.

My waves vary..I've had them last days/week/ and weirdly wash over me for a few hrs and lift. My window days are by no means perfect, but are noticeably better than my wave days by far. There are may who do not have definitive window/wave patterns, and sound a lot like how you describe.

I don't know you so its hard to have a good discussion on this to find what may benefit you. but sometimes its just good to talk and know you're not alone in this:)

Thank you Trina!
Iím struggling with depression I believe. I have tried almost everything from exposure therapy, reading self help books, CBT therapy and more. And it feels no matter how hard I try the thoughts and feelings wonít go away. My waves and windows are on and off all day, so it confuses me if this is WD or not. Feels like mood swings. One minute Iím ok the next sad and scared. And itís on the same topic every time. I guess this benzo likes to go after people and things we love the most.

But I also think I might have anhedonia on and off I donít find pleasure in many things. I still do things but it feels as if my reward system is off. Iím never proud of myself. I canít feel majority of the time. I hope this gets better !

Thank you foe your post it gave me some hope!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2021, 11:01:23 pm »
I suffered from depression before benzes and ADs and so on, and then was polydrugged. Result: addiction to a lot of meds and the worst depression ever. After this horrible journey and finally being medfree: No more depression at all. Although I was in horrible situations in my life. Nothing. Not comparable at all to what I felt like on meds and in withdrawal. There is nothing else like this depression on meds and in withdrawal which I call chemical depression.
So, after 5 years tapering and other years in wd, I had practiced so many strategies to handle anxiety, panic, depression and other stuff that i seems these illnesses just do not come visit me anymore. Marigold has too many tools now.  :laugh:
Thats the mental part - I just know what I need to do when I feel low or anxious or whatever.

The other part is biochemistry. I now know when I get a depressed day, something is missing. And then I check my diet and my supplement regiment. And every time this has happened, my body was right and a blood test showed a lack of something, I changed my diet a little bit - and the smpyomt was gone again. For me, the kitchen has become my pharmacy and I can read my body well so that the little signs can be used as a compass for my health.

Depression is not always a thing of the mind. I hate it when people tell other people to just do this or that, it implicates that it is the fault of depressed people if they cannot make themselves feel better. But without the right amount of minerals for example, you will not be able to produce the neuro transmitters it needs to fight a depression. Without the knowledge about a healthy diet, a therapy alone will not help. We are more than just the mind, it is  a hole system we run - and thats the reason why there are TONS of different strategies which can help. It may be difficult to find out what to do first, but I promise as soon as you have found the first helpful option, the others will follow.

Hugs to everyone in depression! :hug:
5 years ago I thought I would not make it. And now look at me :yippee:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Just a thought on depression for those struggling..
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2021, 03:38:13 pm »
I got off ADs in October of November and started the benzo taper shortly afterwards.  Not surprisingly, my depression started getting a lot worse. 

Itís only been 4 days but the deep, deep depression seems to have lifted significantly this week, as well as the crushing fatigue.  Iím sure it will come back strong again but it does feel like something has changed on that front, and I have some optimism that my brain can actually produce some feel good chemicals on its own.  It was pretty unrelenting for a couple months.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.