I feel so alone

Lockdown hasn’t helped things at all, and I'm feeling very isolated. I feel like no one understands or wants to understand the withdrawals and so it’s hard to talk to anyone about it, not even my therapist. I have never been good at making plans and have relied on memory to get me along, but now that is failing. It’s very tough.

This is a brutal process and difficult for anyone to understand who hasn't gone through it, many in the medical profession don't recognize or validate our suffering so how can those close to us understand it?  This is why support groups are such a necessary tool for us, we need someone to tell us we're not going crazy!

 

I had trouble remember things too so I started making notes of everything I needed to keep track of, we have to find ways to maintain our lives while we're recovering from this nightmare. 

I’m with you on this, the symptoms are so crazy you feel insane just describing what is going on.  I have learned just to keep it to myself.  I am struggling with the taper, but I know I will get there.  Please don’t feel you are alone, so many are right here with you.  Hang in there.

Hi superpopelectro,

I know exactly how you feel. I feel so so alone in this hellish benzo withdrawal. Nobody in my life understands which makes me feel even more alone. I isolate myself to cope but then feel so lonely. It’s like I’m trapped feeling isolated but feel kind of agoraphobic and too frazzled to engage with the world. Leaves me with a deep sense of despair.

 

I hope this doesn’t bring you down. Just wanted to reach out and let you know I totally understand what you’re going through. I’m so envious that you’re down to .125 2x a day klon. I have a long way to go (.5mg am/.25mg pm klonopin). What taper method do you use?

Thanks everyone for replying, I really feel your kindness and fell a little less alone here.

 

@lilpea I am cutting a .5mg tablet in half and then into quarters. I know it’s not precise but my current provider doesn’t want to go out of his way to support a taper. I am hoping to see another provider who is familiar with Ashton this week and will either let me switch to a slower Valium taper or help with a liquid Klonopin prescription.

 

I feel agoraphobic as well. Today its helped me a little bit to think of the windows I’ve had in the past and how much better I’ll feel when this is over.

Thanks for answering my question. Good for you! Sounds like you have alternative options besides the unsupportive doc to taper. The psychs in my network are not very sympathetic with benzo tapering. They think it’s a simple 2-4 wk process. Anyway, HOPE is so important and those windows you’ve had will surely come back. You’ve been on here longer so you probably know more but the success stories forum has given me hope.

I literally was just thinking everyone who went through this lockdown all alone should get a purple heart. (And then on top of that, add tapering ....)

Hello superpopelectro!

You’re definitely not alone.  I don’t have a supportive doc anymore so I can relate to that for sure. Seems like you’re hanging in there. Like us all, I’m trying to keep my focus on the end result and the times I don’t feel horrible even if it’s a few minutes knowing one day I’ll be well again.

If is definitely hard to try and explain to others what we’re facing and going through. 

 

We’ll get there!!

 

I can relate. One of my worst symptoms is the memory loss. I have to write everything down now or it gets lost in the fog. Those symptoms will get better in time. For me, it's worse about a week or so after I cut my dose and then it finally improves somewhat after that. I usually get more and more windows as time goes on. Covid has definitely made everything more isolating.

Gatekeeper, I have the same with memory loss!  I hope it comes back..

I feel alone also. Anyone want to be friends with a 35-40 female?

Absolutely!  Are you trying to taper off your current dose?

Benzo withdrawal can be such a lonely, isolated time.  That's one of the reasons this forum is a lifeline too many of us.  Here, you're surrounded by others who get it.  No one else, no matter how wonderful they may be, can really understand what we're going through. So please come here often and ask for support!

 

As far as keeping track of things - withdrawal is a time we have to develop a variety of new tools, including new ways of soothing ourselves without reaching for a pill.  Another tool a lot of us have to develop is a system for planning ahead and keeping track of details.  I use my smart phone.  Others prefer paper and pen.  Like any new habit, the more you practice it the more second nature it becomes.  I hated having to make the transition at first but now it doesn't bother me one bit!

 

 

I'm alone too. I have 2 adult children and a 9 year old son. Grandkids. 2 Sisters, my mom and a husband. No-one understands. This all started in early August 2020. Reached a tolerance with my lorazepam. Switched to diazepam. Having so much anger. And all withdrawals. So many people yet so alone. I want to go to a psychiatric hospital but they'll drug me with other stuff. I know I'm dying everyday. I'm 48 and I have never felt this way.

Scorpio71, hang in there.  I dosed down yesterday and tomorrow should start to feel side effect (always starts on day 3) and the worst is three weeks out. I have to get out of this drug hell..

@[su...]

 

Hang in there.  I know how you feel.  I was there seven months ago.  It does get better, but it takes time.

 

My memory has gotten a lot better and the agoraphobia is gone. 

 

The quarantine has been a total blessing for me and has helped my recovery greatly...but I’m more introverted and so I can be away from people and not feel lonely.  But for you, try to make an effort to be with people at a safe distance.  On Thursday nights the neighbors get together outside and we drink some beer and wine and just chat.  It is a nice distraction.