Jump to content

Update at two months off


[To...]

Recommended Posts

Hey Buddies

 

Today marks two months since jumping from benzos. I took Xanax for 5 years then tapered Valium for a year and a half. I quit Citalopram 27 months ago cold turkey after taking it for eight years.

 

Things have improved a lot even after just two months. I still have some issues but things have got so much better. At one point I was in psychosis and could not leave the extra bedroom at my parents house. I had blacked out the room because even light hurt too much. I was constantly terrified of just about everything. I could not watch tv, listen to music, even reading a book was overwhelming and terrifying. Bright colors bothered me and I was scared of peoples faces in photographs. I was terrified to go into stores and restaurants etc. I could not be around people, even my family. At one point I counted over 50 symptoms. I was in constant agony and I could not distract because everything made me fearful. For the longest time just being alive was a burden.

 

I almost cannot believe how far I've come back from such a dark place. Almost every symptom is less intense now, and some have gone away completely.

 

I am living back at my own house now and taking care of myself. I can shop on my own with no issues after not being able to set foot inside stores. A few nights ago a group of my friends took me to a busy restaurant for the first time in almost two years and it was awesome. I felt a little anxious but it was so great to be out with friends and engaging in life again. All the good stuff outweighed the slight nerves. I can watch tv and movies again, but still have to be a little careful about what I watch. There are somethings that are still a bit too much for me to view just yet. I am driving again after not being able to for quite awhile.

 

SYMPTOMS I STILL DEAL WITH:

- Minor tinitus

- Hearing inaudible music or voices in my left ear when I try to sleep at night. It sounds like a muffled radio somewhere in the distance, and every night is a different station :) It ranges from every type of music to talk radio and sports. This doesn't scare me in the slightest. If anything it's amusing to find out what I'm in for each night. Last night it was mariachi music. I have no idea why it's only my left ear.

-Sound sensitivity but not nearly as bad.

-Eye floaters

- Some vision blur and moving objects leave trails sometimes.

- I can't handle much stress at all yet. All in due time though.

- Toxic mornings. I have never been a morning person but since the benzo injury it's ten times worse. It takes me a couple hours to shake the morning dread.

- Difficulty sleeping.

- Cracking joints

- Probably a couple other intermittent ones I'm forgetting right now

 

SYMPTOMS THAT ARE GONE OR NEARLY GONE:

- Panic attacks

- Constant state of anxiety (just have it sometimes now and it's usually for a reason)

- Agrorophobia

- Derealization

- Depersonalization

- Burning skin

- Fear of random things

- Also a few of these I am forgetting at the moment

 

To sum it up I still have a long way to go to be completely healed, but I have already recovered SO much. I need to handle stress better before I can go back to work. I still have waves and even though they are less intense I still question healing while I am in them. Sometimes I worry about only healing part way and being stuck in that middle ground. I am able to do things that I couldn't for almost two years and am actually enjoying them. I told one of my friends that I compare my experience to a forest fire. The flames are finally out, but the recovery takes time.

 

I am only recently able to start doing things again, but I am cautiously optimistic. I am grateful for every ounce of healing and for the buddies who helped.

 

Tom

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is so great Tom!  It looks like a lot of healing has happened already after two months and is continuing. So happy for you!  Thanks for sharing your progress!  :thumbsup:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

:) I'm also 2 months and 3 weeks since tapering and jumping off Ambien. Your symptoms and current state are similar to mine. I'm so happy that you're getting better. I've healed in some ways as well but still mostly bedridden because of boatiness and feeling faint every time I walk around a bit or try sitting up. I'm also concerned that I'll be stuck like this permanently but we must not think Ike that! I'm told it's the withdrawal talking so how about telling "IT" to shut up.  :laugh: that's what I've been doing & it feels good that I did something to help myself. I'm wondering HOW do you began to exercise when you can't even stand up for long???? I hope someone sees this and give an answer. I heard exercise speeds healing. We must keep going & trust the process
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is amazing! Thank you for sharing. I’m just ten days off and in a not so great place. Every day is different. Some worse some better. You give me hope! Thank you 🙏🏼
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is amazing! Thank you for sharing. I’m just ten days off and in a not so great place. Every day is different. Some worse some better. You give me hope! Thank you 🙏🏼

Absolutely! Time is our best friend. Patience is our wisdom. We must trust the brain's process even though we feel bad symptoms. We feel cuz we are healing. Keep fighting DesperateMom

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
So happy for you that things are already so much better.  I know you were in a really dark place and glad it's letting up and you are feeling joy at the little things again. 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...