Parenting in Recovery

I wear the foam earplugs too and husband uses cpap so I can’t sleep with him atm but one day I hold to again

Yes if my husband don't keep his cpap on,I might kick him out of here 

It's way too hard to fall asleep and be woken up by his snoring. When he wears the cpap, he barely snores. When he does, it's not for long and very soft. I'm gonna buy a lock and lock it on him 

I sleep In a separate room from my partner..Not a good thing, but I can't sleep In the same room with anyone for some reason.

My husbands snoring is not constant..just if he's had a busy/hard day. So I know I'm lucky:)

I have a hard time settling to sleep if he's not there, I guess its comforting somehow.

 

 

Cat jumped in on my teens school zoom call today - comic relief for all the students:)

My other teen slept through his alarm and woke up just in time for his zoom call 

 

Not gonna lie..I went back to bed this morning after I knew they were up. Body ached so bad, blah blah blah. You all know how mornings can challenge us. Leveling out now. Another day of healing.

My husbands snoring is not constant..just if he's had a busy/hard day. So I know I'm lucky:)

I have a hard time settling to sleep if he's not there, I guess its comforting somehow.

 

 

Cat jumped in on my teens school zoom call today - comic relief for all the students:)

My other teen slept through his alarm and woke up just in time for his zoom call 

 

Not gonna lie..I went back to bed this morning after I knew they were up. Body ached so bad, blah blah blah. You all know how mornings can challenge us. Leveling out now. Another day of healing.

 

Yes I don't rest well either if my husband isn't in bed with me. Unlike Lovelysoul, I don't like sleeping alone unless it's daytime. Since I've been so sick, I have had very scary things happen to me. So I'm a bit afraid that at night, if it happens again when I'm by myself, who can help me. And I have had things happen in the middle of the night early in my taper and during month 2.

Your cat wanted his 5 minutes of fame!  that made me laugh! Thx. And I don't blame you for going back to lay down. We must listen to our very delicate bodies or pay the price of a huge wave that lasts for many days. I'm happy that I have all of you to help distract. One day at a time, ladies! If you can't do that then 1 hour....if not, then 1 second! 

Thanks so much for all your supportive comments.  I had forgotten that my son also decided to join in French immersion this year, after doing school in just English for two years.  So add that into our choppy internet.  We are in a rural place without much choice of fast internet, so I actually just signed up for a second internet line, and I'm hoping that might help.  Though I'm not sure, but my husband was on board with that since he is already suffering with working from home and slow internet. 

 

I made my son go outside instead of hiding down in the dark basement watching youtube, when I found out the rest of his class has phys ed until 3:15, but he is done at 2:30.  I am finding it very challenging to get him to move around outside.  He will go out and come back in 5 minutes and tell me that he ran around and now he's done. Going out there with him tires me out so quickly, but I think he is using me as a guideline and thinking that he too gets tired really quickly. 

Greencup, sounds like he's pulling a fast one on you. My daughter does the same thing when she doesn't want to exercise. 5 minutes she's back claiming she rode her bike. She must thinks her Mama is  well, I'm not!

I can suggest you get him a fit bit so you can track his steps. Maybe it will motivate him knowing his watch says he took only 100 steps in a day.  it was a game changer for my daughter( 11 yrs old). But he's 17 so it may be an unnecessary stress for you to battle him about it. Perhaps let him have friends come over for some outdoor fun...perhaps basketball, throw football around, etc

Hi ladies, love reading all of the familiar stories of parenting. I also chose online learning for my two, and we don’t start until next week. I’m in a huge wave right now, feeling guilty about ignoring my kids, but they are miraculously getting along and bonding  so maybe this is a silver lining? I’m also mourning the mom I was before all of this, but grateful for the window days that remind me I can still do some of it, and that I’m healing.

I had an online session with Dr. Jennifer Leigh... what resonated most for me was to remind myself: ‘I am safe, I am healing’ then put my hands to work, as the brain will usually follow. So I’ve been baking with the boys, teaching them how to make meals... I look like a zombie doing it, but it does distract!

 

Peace to you mamas 💗

My husband is basically a single parent right now. I have 2 adult children and grandchildren that I haven’t seen for over a month due to this hell. But my 9 year old son is very bored( quarantines) and very rambunctious. He only see’s me when I get out of bed to get water and whatever I can eat that day. I see he’s upset with me. I have so much guilt. But I just can’t right now. He’s our surprise baby. I breast fed him for 3 years. We were so close at one time. But I’ve failed my beautiful baby boy. I have to get pass this. Poor baby. He’s basically a single child because his other siblings are adults and live in their own homes. My 27 year old daughter lives in Oakland Ca. She doesn’t come over because she has a 4 year old and a set of twin boys that are 3. They are just normal loud babies but I cannot handle them right now. I helped raise those babies! But Gamma’s sick. I’m soooooo sad about all of this.

Scorpio, you have to be kind to yourself. Benzo withdrawal messes up so many things. At my worst I couldn’t stand being around my 5 yo son because the noises he made were just intolerable. It was heartbreaking for me. He’s my one and only and I breastfed him to 2.5. We have so much mom guilt, this just adds icing on the cake. You will get through this and it will take time. You haven’t failed him, you are fighting to get better and that is not failing.

Greencup, sounds like he's pulling a fast one on you. My daughter does the same thing when she doesn't want to exercise. 5 minutes she's back claiming she rode her bike. She must thinks her Mama is  well, I'm not!

I can suggest you get him a fit bit so you can track his steps. Maybe it will motivate him knowing his watch says he took only 100 steps in a day.  it was a game changer for my daughter( 11 yrs old). But he's 17 so it may be an unnecessary stress for you to battle him about it. Perhaps let him have friends come over for some outdoor fun...perhaps basketball, throw football around, etc

 

My son is 11 years old too!  Sorry, did I say he was 17? That was a mistake. LOL.  I actually have been thinking of getting a fitbit for myself, so maybe I will get him one as well.  It's frustrating cause there is no where for him to ride his bike there, that I feel is safe either, unless I drive somewhere with the bike, and that takes a lot of energy.  Most of the friends he has are back in school, so I'm not sure how I feel with him having play dates with them, but honestly, he has not wanted to have anyone over, even before the pandemic.  That, I think, is because I am a terrible example of how to have friends and I don't have any come over, at least not for years because of benzos and withdrawal. 

 

I was hoping he will somehow make friends in his new virtual class, but it doesn't seem likely, as he never sees the other children.  The camera is only on the teacher.  Though there is one other little girl doing the virtual learning.  Maybe we could work something out with her or her family.  It's so much effort though. 

Yes Greencup. Get him a Fitbit. They make them for kids. Reaching out to the other girl would be a good idea as well. I wish we lived nearby so my daughter could be his walking buddy. She does very well when she has someone else with her. I think that's your son's issue. Socializing isn't easy for everyone. It took my daughter awhile to be confident around other kids especially in her age group.

It's very important that you get him outside in the sun & fresh air. Even though the other kids are at school, he can play with them on the weekend wearing his face mask. Even though I'm bedridden, I let the other parents in my neighborhood know I'm sick and can't take my daughter anywhere. They kindly call or text to include her in things. Plus have play dates, bike rides, etc Do you have anyone you know & trust with a kid his age that can pick him up for a few hours? Or come over to your house to hang out? Maybe a church member or relative? If not do you have a community center? Big brother's club?

Great ideas LadyDen:)

Great ideas LadyDen:)

 

Thx Trina sweetie. It came to me as I was typing. I'm sure a big brother would get him off the computer, source of entertainment & exercise without her worrying about him. If she doesn't want to trust a stranger then maybe someone in church can be his big brother.

How are you feeling today, Trina? I'm doing ok just boaty with some heartburn. I posted a new question in guess why thread.

Thank God I'm in a window (knock on wood no jinx..). Symptoms reduced today. I've had three days of good sleep so I'm sure that plays into it. But its been rough for over two weeks so today is a miracle.

My daughter las a late season softball tournament this weekend so I'm saving my energy for that. Its a little cool here to be outside all day but I'm thankful I can go.

Hey Guys..

I have a new parent..!! -C18..  Seems hes pretty well trained, -If I shut up and do as he says.. lol

 

Yes, the guilt is hard.. But is it really ours to wear..?? -I think not, for what thats worth... We just do the best we can, and I have to say, Iv seen development in C18 thats well beyond his peers and older brother (who wasnt here so much).. It is a juggle though, -less than ideal..

 

Strength to all..

 

 

Trina I'm happy you're having windows. My fingers are crossed for it to remain until the game is over. I'm hoping I get a window soon. I've been in wave misery for a few days now. It makes me sad that I'm in this bed because of Ambien. This dizziness/ boatiness/ push pulling elevator floating thingy is awful  it's chilly here today thanks to hurricane Sally. I really like it. I love fall time. I'm hoping I get a window by the end of the month so I can gently decorate my porch for fall with my daughter.

Cantfly is right about no need in us beating up ourselves about our illness. We didn't ask for this. What's tough is trying to explain it to our kids. My daughter asks me everyday am I better. She's even ask me will I get better & told me it makes her want to cry seeing me like this. She once had a happy, energetic, fun,active,there for her events, hands on mother. Sadly I couldn't answer when I'll be better.

Thanks for starting this post. This, for me, is one of the most difficult parts. I am not half the parent I want or need to be to both my kids, one who is chronically ill. I am in tolerance and just shy of bedbound. I don’t know what to tell my kids. Have others shared what’s happening?

 

Sun🌻

Hi Sunflower. I know this is difficult for us and the kids. Yes I did have a talk with my whole family about what's happening with my health. But I had a separate chat with my daughter & my 4 yr old grand daughter. Amazingly they understand better than some of my adult family members. I didn't know my kids were scared, worried & angry because of my health. I'm bedridden everyday...so far. My suggestion is to have a talk with them. They're pretty smart little cookies!

I told my 17 yr old what’s happening, he knows the real truth. I told my daughter who’s 12 drs tablets made me sick and I’m slowly getting off them. My little 8 yo asks all the time if I’m better now and brings me an apple a day. When I have windows I make sure to take them out somewhere fun so when I have the bad days they don’t mind being home so much. It’s so hard when they know how you were before, so vibrant and full of life. At the very least I use it to warn my kids to always ask questions about medication. And to look after ur health and sleep so u don’t need to ever be in my shoes. X

Yes indeed Shay. That's very wise to teach them that. I told my daughter the same. I hope I make some strides in healing soon so even if I can't drive, I can sit up to do things with her. I just started teaching her to cook before I got hit with severe dizziness. Kids are really smart. They understand if we tell them. I heard my 4 yr old grand daughter tell her daddy to don't be so loud cuz grandma is sick.

U will be well enuf soon lady I’m sure x I have 2 weeks holidays now with the kids! Not the best. Time to reduce but when is the right time. I’ve bought paint to paint outdoor table and chairs so that will keep them busy!

That's a great idea. If I were you, I'd reduce now so by the time you have to shuffle them back to school you'll be a bit stable

I agree we have to explain something to the kids bc the not knowing creates worry/anxiety. Of course this has to be communicated in a way that appropriate for their age levels, which it sounds like what you guys are doing:)

My teens are 14/17. Was in a world of hell last year. What they know is the truth.

 

"The medication(s) they gave to try and help me made me worse. The last med (benzos) I had to go through withdrawal and it takes time to heal after that. I will have good days and rough days. Iwill always give you my best.

I love you".

 

They don't need to know the gory details. But I too have instructed them to "look into" their meds if ever given any to make sure its a good choice.