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Parenting in Recovery


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I’m now managing my son’s distance-learning for kindergarten, plus massive wildfires nearby. Ugh. Thankfully we haven’t had to evacuate, but we are ready if needed. Life doesn’t stop for us in withdrawal, that’s for sure.
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Awe Kits! you're out west?! now that is stress.....I'm really sorry. Thats a lot under normal circumstances.. but then add a pandemic and benzo wd... :(

 

My kids came home from school in decent spirits...chatted about the changes and even had funny things to share. So I'm happy that the first day was not the worst...I guess my "mom worries' went into overdrive the night before.  ::)

 

 

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I’m in Australia and have 3 kids, 17B, 12G and 8B. My 8yr old has autism and my hubby had a stroke last year and is disabled. I had to home school earlier this year for 2 mths, that was during a very difficult time during my wd. In Australia things are a bit different to other countries and I was allowed to send my kids back to school on compassionate grounds. I take my hat off to parents in countries that have been homeschooling this whole time, and going thru what were going thru. U are amazing! Please don’t compare to what other parents are doing, we’re doing the best we can, and no one posts bad things on Facebook anyway! I try my best and always take my kids somewhere fun during my windows. They’re good kids and they know their dad and I are doing the best they can x but I have to admit they are on devices a lot more than I’d like  :-\
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Hi everyone! I wanted to start this bc parenting brings a whole other set of challenges to this already challenging journey. Thought I'd make a space where we can discuss our fears concerns, as well as tips and tricks to getting our families through this as best as possible.open to Moms and/or Dads (parenting grandparents, etc...), single or coupled.

 

I'll start...I'm parenting with my husband. My kids are 14 and 17. "Fake it till you make it" seems to be the name of the game most of the time, but let's be honest - they know us. they know when things are off. It's a fine line between them being aware that we are needing support and time to heal, but also wanting them to feel safe and secure and have some kind of  "normal" life.

 

Hats off to those of you single parenting or those with little ones..that is definitely harder.  :smitten:

Yes indeed. It's tough trying to heal and be a parent. I'm bedridden and my daughter is doing virtual school online due to covid. It's hard when she needs me to get up to help her with schoolwork. Sweetest child ever cuz she cheers me on then congratulate me for making it long enough to help her. Makes me cry that she sees me like this every day.

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It is hard for them, my daughter used to write me letters saying what we’d do once I got better. Kids are pretty resilient though a lot more than we realise.  :smitten:

 

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I couldn’t bring myself to jump in, because my health has been so crazy the last few months. Between the UTI, antibiotic reaction, oral thrush, severe reflux, random fevers, and breathing issues (all of it wd related, but it’s the thrush and reflux causing inflammation - visible by laryngoscopy - in my throat giving my sensitive nerves a feeling of breathlessness), I was too scared to put four kids back into it all. The middle schoolers do a better job distancing, but I have three in elementary/pre-K.

 

So, right now, my grieving is over an entire sense of normal lost. I have four kids who want to be back with their friends so badly, but we kept them home to minimize contacts wherever possible. Sadly, their home doesn’t feel like it should either. We have a tutor helping manage all of the homeschool with me, and she’s been a huge blessing. It’s still so hard not to compare myself today to the way over-functioning me of yesteryear.

 

I know it’s important to allow ourselves to feel the feels and to remember that the whole world is learning how to do life in a new way. I guess we all need to practice kindness towards ourselves as we figure out which way is up again. Hang in there, Trina.

 

Me too.

 

Beauty

I also had thrush and acid reflux badly. My doctor gave me a medicine they give to babies called nystatin.  squish it around your mouth, gargle with it then spit it out. It worked quickly and wonderfully! For reflux doctor had me to order gaviscon advance from the UK on Amazon. Awesome stuff!!!!

I hope things get better for you. We parents have the added stress but we must remember not to let it stress us too much because that causes waves

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Thank you for sharing with me, Lady! The Nystatin was working well for me, but then my ENT added Pepcid for reflux. The Pepcid did something crazy to my pH and the nystatin just couldn’t keep the thrush at bay against that. It got awful, so I had to go on Diflucan. I will look into the gaviscon, but I’m worried that anything extra in the mix right now will upset an already fragile situation.

 

Believe it or not, I’ve had some success this week with just elevating the head of my bed for sleep. I’ve already been eating a modified diet for months, so no change needed there. The red patches are gone from my throat, and I’ve had two days of better breathing. I’m so hopeful that the thrush is gone and the reflux is well on its way to being managed. I may be more susceptible to it in withdrawal, but I don’t want anything I’m doing (or not doing) to be making it worse.

 

How is everyone this weekend? I feel like weekends are tough, because we lose the structure of school and there isn’t anywhere fun to go. My kids play way too many hours of video games!

 

Beauty

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I've been in a wave since yesterday evening. Feels like it's beginning to lift. My Saints are playing their first game right now so I'm happy! Still struggling with boatiness but I'm getting a new plan to get out of this darn bed!!!!!!! How are you
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Ladyden...it will get better..I'm sorry you're stuck in the bed..but I see resilience as you make the needed efforts to help your child!

 

Shayna: So sorry about your husband..you definitely have your hands full and sounds like you're holding it all together on the home front.  :smitten:

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Shayna: lol - that was cute:) and that is why I'm doing hybrid with my kids. One of them is doing pre-calculus..I cannot teach that!!

 

I also feel like that meme could apply to how we feel/look in benzo recovery. Was thinking of myself today, how my hair roots need doing..and it just doesn't matter like it used to years ago lol. I'm happy if I've pulled my hair into a ponytail smoothly.. ;) Priorities...

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Oh my lord calculus? That’s one way to find out if the cog fog has lifted  :idiot: I can’t remember what my name is some days. Ur amazing Trina!

 

Lady and I were just talking about this today! How much effort we used to put into our appearance and how it just isn’t important in wd! I did my regrowth today shaved my legs and my armpits  :thumbsup: kicking goals with hygiene haha! Let’s just say that razor is Now very dull  :-\

 

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Hey guys!  My son is doing his first real virtual school day tomorrow.  Today he used Teams to talk with his teacher to test everything out.  The way it is working in his class, is that the teachers will live stream the class.  There is only one other student doing virtual schooling and 19 kids who are doing in person school.  I feel like the crazy Mama, who won't let her kid out because of the virus.  I think I am doing the right thing but I feel like nervous about judgement of others, a little bit. 

 

The teacher said that they may have to move to online school for others, after the school year begins, so it will be good to figure out how it works.  Honestly, when we signed up for online schooling, I thought to myself, "Oh good.  Maybe we can have playdates with some of the other kids doing virtual school."  But now, well there's only one other in his class and only 20% of kids are doing virtual school in our school district.  It makes me feel like I am overreacting by keeping him home. 

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Greencup: There is no judgement in this stupid pandemic..each of us has to do whats right for us and our families. there are so many variables to consider and there is no scrapbook for us to follow. Your kids are loved and supported.

And honestly who knows how long school will be open for anyway..there is a chance that it will be full remote (in my case I hope not..but thats my situation ), but I have to kinda prepare for that. So maybe you'll be ahead of the game on it :thumbsup:

 

Shayna...Oh I'm not doing calculus....it was an example of why my kids need their teacher and not me  ;)

However, my kids are doing french instead of spanish in school bc I can actually help with that as I took it when in school (way back when...).

My son literally just sat beside me this past hour and got my help.

Now this is challenging the cog fog bc I haven't used my french in along time. However, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I remembered...so this is hope that I have a brain left lol.

 

We are resilient. Our kids are resilient. We got this! :smitten:

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Oh my lord calculus? That’s one way to find out if the cog fog has lifted  :idiot: I can’t remember what my name is some days. Ur amazing Trina!

 

Lady and I were just talking about this today! How much effort we used to put into our appearance and how it just isn’t important in wd! I did my regrowth today shaved my legs and my armpits  :thumbsup: kicking goals with hygiene haha! Let’s just say that razor is Now very dull  :-\

Lol dull razor after shaving. I bet when I shave mine, it will make sparks.

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Ladyden...it will get better..I'm sorry you're stuck in the bed..but I see resilience as you make the needed efforts to help your child!

 

Shayna: So sorry about your husband..you definitely have your hands full and sounds like you're holding it all together on the home front.  :smitten:

 

Big hugs Trina! You're a sweetheart

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Hey guys!  My son is doing his first real virtual school day tomorrow.  Today he used Teams to talk with his teacher to test everything out.  The way it is working in his class, is that the teachers will live stream the class.  There is only one other student doing virtual schooling and 19 kids who are doing in person school.  I feel like the crazy Mama, who won't let her kid out because of the virus.  I think I am doing the right thing but I feel like nervous about judgement of others, a little bit. 

 

The teacher said that they may have to move to online school for others, after the school year begins, so it will be good to figure out how it works.  Honestly, when we signed up for online schooling, I thought to myself, "Oh good.  Maybe we can have playdates with some of the other kids doing virtual school."  But now, well there's only one other in his class and only 20% of kids are doing virtual school in our school district.  It makes me feel like I am overreacting by keeping him home.

 

Greencup please be assured that you made the best choice. Let me ask you this...if there's an outbreak in Mrs Jones class....the class he would have been in...your son got the virus, got extremely ill and now you're looking at him struggle to live through an ICU window --- outside the hospital. Would you wished you would have kept him home????? Of course! What you're doing is being a good parent. This virus isn't respect of person. It doesn't care if you're a kid, old, black, beautiful, healthy or green! I'm also virtual schooling my daughter that's 11 yrs old. She understands the magnitude of the virus. Here they're going to school 1 - 2 days a week then the other days at home anyway. Our kids are very adaptable. Your child is not missing much excepts chance each time he goes to school of  being exposed. Plan him a play date or two during the week. Explain to him why he's not at school. Ask him how he feels. Ask him what he would like as play time. He will be fine.

My daughter plays with neighboring kids twice a week but practice distancing. They have much fun

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Hey guys!  My son is doing his first real virtual school day tomorrow.  Today he used Teams to talk with his teacher to test everything out.  The way it is working in his class, is that the teachers will live stream the class.  There is only one other student doing virtual schooling and 19 kids who are doing in person school.  I feel like the crazy Mama, who won't let her kid out because of the virus.  I think I am doing the right thing but I feel like nervous about judgement of others, a little bit. 

 

The teacher said that they may have to move to online school for others, after the school year begins, so it will be good to figure out how it works.  Honestly, when we signed up for online schooling, I thought to myself, "Oh good.  Maybe we can have playdates with some of the other kids doing virtual school."  But now, well there's only one other in his class and only 20% of kids are doing virtual school in our school district.  It makes me feel like I am overreacting by keeping him home.

 

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. I’m in CA so our schools here are all distance-learning. Ultimately what I think will probably happen is schools that opened up will have to close again when the infection rates go up. That seems like a lot of stress to put on kids who are already grieving for their sense of normalcy.

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I agree! This is one of the reasons my daughter is at home. School is not going to be normal anyway. There's schools here that just opened and now have to close again. I feel that is mentally torturous to the kids going back and forth. I feel bad for them.
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I'm a father of a 9 year old boy,  I will say I have no tolerance for noise at this point. I thought at 49 It was a getting older thing but now realize It's the weaning down on these pills thing..I'm very patient with my boy, but have no tolerance for adult noise.

 

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Lovelysoul, I understand because I'm having the same issue. I got some noise canceling earplugs because I got tired of begging my family to be considerate of my noise sensitivity. It has helped sooooo much. My neighbors are constantly mowing as well. They're comfortable enough to sleep in. I hope this helps you resolve this. I had to realize that I can't control adults. I can explain, ask them nicely but I refuse to let it stress me out. That would mean I'll have a huge wave.
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Lovelysoul, I understand because I'm having the same issue. I got some noise canceling earplugs because I got tired of begging my family to be considerate of my noise sensitivity. It has helped sooooo much. My neighbors are constantly mowing as well. They're comfortable enough to sleep in. I hope this helps you resolve this. I had to realize that I can't control adults. I can explain, ask them nicely but I refuse to let it stress me out. That would mean I'll have a huge wave.

I was on Ambien for a  decade...Rough sleeping without It,, I still Occasionally take It even though I shouldn't.  I'll give those ear plugs a shot.

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Awesome lovelysoul. You won't regret it. Yes Ambien was a tough taper. And all the z drugs are harsh insomnia consequences. But I did my homework and started CBT-I when I started tapering. It made a huge difference! I'm 3 months post jump and sleeping 6-7 hours on a good night and 4 on a rough night.
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I've become a light sleeper after all of this..I put in those foamy earplugs at night to sleep (husband sometimes snores, teen kids are sometimes up later..)

 

But I have noticed some nights one of them falls out and apparently I sleep ok without it..so I think for me its the falling asleep part, but now once I'm asleep I'm good. It never used to be that way. So yay for progress of any kind!

 

 

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Yes indeed. Any progress! Mine don't fall out. My husband also snores BAD! Sounds like he's calling hogs, chickens, monkeys  :laugh: He didn't believe he snored so bad. I recorded him & he couldn't believe it! So he went to the doctor to get a CPAP. It works pretty good but I'm now having trouble with him keeping it on in the middle of the night. It wakes me up after it took me awhile to fall asleep on my worst insomnia nights. I noticed that if I don't sleep well the night before, I feel terrible all day. Anyone else?
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