Author Topic: Parenting in Recovery  (Read 3500 times)

[Buddie]

Parenting in Recovery
« on: August 13, 2020, 02:31:02 am »
Hi everyone! I wanted to start this bc parenting brings a whole other set of challenges to this already challenging journey. Thought I'd make a space where we can discuss our fears concerns, as well as tips and tricks to getting our families through this as best as possible.open to Moms and/or Dads (parenting grandparents, etc...), single or coupled.

I'll start...I'm parenting with my husband. My kids are 14 and 17. "Fake it till you make it" seems to be the name of the game most of the time, but let's be honest - they know us. they know when things are off. It's a fine line between them being aware that we are needing support and time to heal, but also wanting them to feel safe and secure and have some kind of  "normal" life.

Hats off to those of you single parenting or those with little ones..that is definitely harder.  :smitten:
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[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2020, 08:26:47 pm »
Great idea Trina.  My son is 11 years old and at this point, not going back to school to start 7th grade this Fall.  Every noise drives me nuts.  I love him to death, but I can't think inside my head or read anything if he is talking or making any sort of noise.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2020, 08:39:08 pm »
Thanks For starting this.  this is probably my biggest guilt.  My kids are constantly asking me if I'm ok or feeling better.  I had to get off my normal facebook because I see all of these moms doing amazing things with their kids.   I am definately 'faking it until I make it' I watch movies which are overstimulating and I listen to them even though I feel overwhelmed.   Covid makes it harder because normally, I could just take them somewhere...like the museum or fun place while i sit and watch. I feel like I need to keep them entertained in the house.  I do give them hugs and kisses way more than I used to. and when I'm feeling better, I just lay with my kids and tell them how much I love them.    I had an idea of writing them notes each day.   I want to put it in their rooms each morning.  Interaction is still overstimulating for me.  But writing notes is something i could definately do.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2020, 08:33:34 pm »
[...], that is such a great idea- writing notes!  I yell at my kid so much more than I care to really think about.  I am working on it, and usually it is about noise level.  I recently decided I must move my desk and computer into my tiny bedroom, now that my son will be home all day and every day, for the foreseeable future.  We currently have our desks all together in a common area, and his constant talking and noisemaking drives me nuts. 

I haven't moved anything though, as getting motivated and doing anything lately, seems just so hard, even when I am not actually in pain or feeling ill. 

Also, just a correction, I said he wasn't going to school in the Fall, but he is going to school remotely, which is school, I guess, technically.   :-\
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2020, 10:36:55 pm »
Wonderful idea for a thread, Trina. My children are 12, 10, 8, and 4. Iíve been faking it until I make it all through taper, and of course, still now in the first weeks off of Lorazepam. My hope is that this will all be filed in their minds under ď2020...coronavirus and quarantine sure made everything weirdĒ and not ďour mom sucks.Ē

We canít go anywhere, our school is online for the foreseeable future, youth sports are canceled, and my husband is back to traveling for work as of this week. We parent these kiddos together, and heís been a rock through the entire benzo experience...for me and for them. Iím anxious about how Iíll do by myself when heís out of town, but I also know having things to do helps me distract from symptoms.  My older two are extremely independent (both boys), but my younger two (both girls) need a lot from me.

Thankful for the support here.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2020, 11:48:26 pm »
I was so happy to see this thread.... this has been my biggest struggle so far... the guilt of being less available to my children. I struggle with forgiving myself for taking these pills in the first place. My boys, 14 and 11 are sweet and independent, and our small group of neighbourhood friends have been great about including them in outings on days that I am really paralyzed.

My husband has also put his work travel on hold for this past month, and I dread the idea of him being gone.  Here in Canada, kids are set to go back to school on September 10th, but I have decided to keep mine home. My youngest has asthma, so I can't take the chance. I am worried about the energy it will take, and also, I am not sure how to proceed with work (currently on a sick leave).

[...], I echo your sentiments that I hope their memories aren't distinct about this time... my best friend assures me that her mom went through something similar when she was a teen, and she has barely a memory of it... fingers crossed!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2020, 01:04:49 am »
Hi Guys.. :)

I was a full time (no respite) single dad to C18 through this, -he was about 11 when I got out of hospital.. A few yrs later L21 joined us for a while, which did NOT help things...

Somewhere in there I threw my hands up in the air, and I guess its working out ok...
There were some big losses in there for sure, but I could blame society as much as the meds, eg education dept, child support services, etc..

At 11 he was doing all his washing, cooking, helping shop, and getting himself up and off to school.. Turns out he was far more mature than the school staff/system... All they taught was power corrupts...  Yup, im pretty dirty about it still.. :(

I was so glad when he got his licence and could go to work..!!

I think I could say that for every loss there is a gain, but it might take a while to see...
The short story.. lol
-Im the one you DONT ask for parenting advice.. :(

Nice to read im not on my own..
:)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2020, 03:55:18 pm »
thanks guys - this is great to see you all on here - not that you're struggling - but able to share and support.

All of this would be so much more manageable if we weren't all about to become homeschool teachers! lol.

[...]: def relate to the overstimulation..I think you'll notice a big diff with separating the electronics. We did that and its a game changer. Also a good set of headphones so I don't hear their online computer stuff. worth the money if its in your budget - esp with the upcoming school year.

[...]: I like the notes idea!! Something interesting about FB - don't fall into the comparison trap  I've done that too (still do...). But I'm quickly noticing that many of the people who are posting all their awesome pics are actually trying to present a perfect life actually have a lot of struggles too. Like I just learned a friend of mine who posts the perfect life all the time actually has a marriage on the rocks...so ..things are not always what they seem.

[...]: My husband doesn't travel but he does work 12 hr shifts so when he's on along stretch of them I feel so much is left to me..somehow you just get through..day by day. But when he's off he's my rock too. And yes..we can just say 2020 was weird bc of covid - not us:)

[...]: So nice that neighborhood friends have jumped in! What lifesaver. I to am struggling with going back to work and how. I don't really feel ready but am looking at part time (literally gave up my former job) as I know i will need to be at home to help navigate the kids. Our school has a hybrid option (for now) which we are doing. But one of my teens has a hard time with online instruction - just kind of needs that "in person" environment.
FYI...my husband and I are both born and raised Canadian..move to US 15 years ago for his career..we are now Americans. We live so close to the border yet have not been able to cross and see family in many months:(

[...]: Kids are so resilient aren't they? I like what you shared about yours..we get so much guilt in all this yet the kids somehow seem to thrive.
BTW - you always seem to bring a great sense of humor to a lot of your posts - thank you for that! Def need that to cope with all this!

So to all I'm not gonna lie - a wave hit two days ago and I'm in a crappy place right now - your posts blessed me today and made me feel less alone. Thank you:)

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2020, 07:15:47 pm »
Thank you Trina for starting this group. My son starts kindergarten tomorrow (distance learning). Iím a stay at home parent, but this is such uncharted territory for me and in combination with tapering has me feeling a lot of things. Mostly right now I am super emotional that my baby is a kindergartner now. 😢
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Parenting in Recovery
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2020, 08:02:26 pm »
Thanks Trina, -Everyone.. :)

Hope its not a big wave and you bounce back real soon.. -Then you can tell me your secret method..
:)

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.