Reclaiming My Time

Well, it will be 31 months this Saturday since I CT off .25 mg clonazepam twice a day. Even though I m not where I want to be I am still happy. I have learned to be grateful because I am sure there are many that would trade places in a minute. It has been a long journey and just in the last couple of months while going over my records, I saw where I had also had a cold turkey off .25 mg of Lorazepam in 2013 after 4 years use. I knew nothing about benzos and that is why I willingly took the clonazepam in 2014. Now looking back now I see that all the weird symptoms I was having back then was from the cold turkey of Lorazepam.

 

Here is my story in a nutshell:

 

I was in a high stress job helping disabled veterans receive compensation from military service, along with helping their spouses once they were deceased. It was an extremely hard fought battle dealing with the Federal Government. I had thousands of veterans ranging from the Korean War and Persian Gulf. I myself am a 20 year retiree from the US Army. I gave it everything I had and would bring work home on the weekend and never took vacation. Needless to say I started having a little anxiety and was prescribed .5 mg of lorezapam by the VA Medical Center ( I only took .25 mg though). When I retired I wanted to stop because I have never wanted to take pills even though they worked fine (So I thought). They told me to just stop and so I did.

 

I started having weird symptoms but never put it together. I was put on .5 mg day and night of clonazepam ( I only took .25 mg). My Psychiatrist told me they were fine and I could take them for the rest of my life and I believed him.

 

I started having strange symptoms a year or two later and went to many specialists because I was determined to find the problem. I have had numerous EKG's, MRI's, Scans, blood work and trips to the ER. Of course everything came back normal.

 

Fast forward to one day I had a hunch while leaving physical therapy for torn rotator cuff surgery that my legs started shaking uncontrollably. I rushed home and googled clonazepam and stumbled upon Benzobuddies. I was so afraid and wanted to be off the drug asap. I called an 800 number and 2 and a half days later flew to Ohio to rehab center and was ripped off clonazepam and $23,000 upon entering. It was a very nice facility and with extremely nice people, but they knew zero about benzos. However, they did cater to my wants and did not try to make me take other meds. Still in touch with a few of the staff once in awhile just to see how they are doing.

 

I had the usual symptoms of burning skin, heart palpitations, POTS like symptoms, ear pain, tinnitus, memory loss, internal tremors, exercise intolerance, slight depression, anxiety, could not take any kind of stress, weight loss, anticipatory anxiety, insomnia, sensitive to heat and cold, mind racing, looping thoughts, could not finish sentences etc.

 

I told my family very little except that I would be out of action for about a year and did not even try to explain this mess to them. I knew no one would believe me so I saved myself the aggravation. I knew they would try to convince me to take more meds or God knows what else. So, me and my rescue dog started a routine of waking up and getting out of bed whether i felt like it or not. I would feed him and give him his medications for the day. Then I would take my medications for HBP, get dressed, walk to the mailbox, sit outside in the sun and repeat for months on end.

 

Healing was very slow and I had what I think were windows and waves until the windows started getting longer around the 9 month mark. I think most of my healing happened during the 9, 12, 18 and 24th months. It slowed down from 25th month through the present. It is hard to remember when I look back and it is true that we forget some of the symptoms.

 

What helped me the most is my faith in God, eating healthy, drinking lots of water, distracting by keeping the same routine, staying away from negativity. I took the advice of a member SSR1975 and others who basically guided me through this process and was always there to answer my questions.

 

Thank you ThEwAy2 for getting you friend to call me on the phone and pray for me that first month because God truly did answer that prayer. Special to BenzoBuddies and the entire staff that volunteer to help all of us.

 

Hang in there people and believe it or not, I pray daily for each of you and will continue. I started not to write this success story because I feel guilty that i have not suffered enough to even write this story. (Believe it or not I am sure a lot of people do not come back to write one because they feel the same). However, love for you all would not let me just not write one. :smitten:

 

PG

 

 

I know I spent over $5,000 in supplements but was too afraid to try them after I got them. I only take a Multivitamin, Vitamin C, D3 and Zinc.

 

I still have the sensitive to stress, burning skin, temperature still runs 95 to 97 degrees, BP and HR get crazy (but only about once a month), slight internal tremors especially if I try to exercise or over exert myself. Still cannot drive over the main highway. Anxiety is much improved and I still stay away from negativity and have not watched the news in over 3 years.

 

(Do not know how this part jumped to the bottom, but oh well)  :D

 

Thankyou do much for your story PG

 

You have come a long way and have found your way forward ,

 

You may not be fully healed as yet but well enough to enjoy life  again, and over them next few months more improvements may well happen

 

The main thing is you have your life back which is what we all want

 

Thank you for all your prayers, they mean a lot

 

 

Jen

Thankyou do much for your story PG

 

You have come a long way and have found your way forward ,

 

You may not be fully healed as yet but well enough to enjoy life  again, and over them next few months more improvements may well happen

 

The main thing is you have your life back which is what we all want

 

Thank you for all your prayers, they mean a lot

 

 

Jen

 

Thanks so much and I am always in your corner. Lord willing I will follow your journey with much prayer and cannot wait to celebrate with you. 

 

PG

Thank you for writing your success story preachergirl and thank you for all you've done to help our service members, you went above and beyond and risked your health in the process but I don't see regret in you, I see strength.  You survived and appear to be thriving and I'm very happy for you, you're an inspiration. 

Thank you for your service as well as the service and care you provided for our veterans! Congratulations to you for reclaiming your life, your story will bring hope and encouragement to others still in the process.

 

You've given so much to others and survived a detox from a strong drug.  You are a pillar of strength, thanks for being you.

 

pianogirl 

 

 

Thank you for writing your success story preachergirl and thank you for all you've done to help our service members, you went above and beyond and risked your health in the process but I don't see regret in you, I see strength.  You survived and appear to be thriving and I'm very happy for you, you're an inspiration. 

 

Thank you Pamster. I do not regret it at all and I have been retired for 8 years and still get calls from my veterans. Of course I still help because it is deeply ingrained in me. Lol

Thank you for your service as well as the service and care you provided for our veterans! Congratulations to you for reclaiming your life, your story will bring hope and encouragement to others still in the process.

 

You've given so much to others and survived a detox from a strong drug.  You are a pillar of strength, thanks for being you.

 

pianogirl 

 

Thank you pianogirl! I have always admired you and the rest of the BB team for your unselfish service. I would even go so far as to get secretly angry when one of you gets attacked.  :laugh: I have always been a fighter for others and absolutely abhor bullying. Even when those that hate me are treated bad I will stand up for them. Be blessed and keep doing what you are doing.

 

PG

I’ve followed your posts a bit and had a feeling you’d be posting a success story soon. I’m so happy for you!  Can you explain the sensitivity to stress?  I always see this as a lingering thing and it scares me. Thank you.

I’ve followed your posts a bit and had a feeling you’d be posting a success story soon. I’m so happy for you!  Can you explain the sensitivity to stress?  I always see this as a lingering thing and it scares me. Thank you.

 

Stereo it has gotten a lot better than it was the first 12 or so months. I would jump at the sound of a door closing, phone ringing and every little thing. I could not take the slightest bit of stress, bad news, good news and so on. Could not follow a conversation longer than a few minutes or my heart would start racing. On the rare occasions when people would come over my house, it would take a day or two to recover. I made a point to have my nephew take me grocery shopping once a week and it was so stimulating it would take me the rest of the day to calm down.

 

I have an elderly brother that live alone next door to me. One day he would not answer his door and I completely freaked out. It took me a few days to get over that. My BP and heart rate would go up every time I changed positions. I was asked to do the eulogy at my sister-in-laws funeral last September in front of about 200 people. I did it but thought I would have a heart attack the entire time. It took about  or 4 days before my symptoms calmed down and I was able to get out of my recliner. I do not watch the news or allow people to talk to me about negative stuff. The least little thing would start my inner trembling and heart racing.I am much better now, but I still can't take much stress or even exercise except for walking a little.

 

 

PG, it's good you're doing better now.  What was your rank in the Army?

Thank you for your story and for your prayers. When I read that you were praying for all of us going through withdrawal, a lovely feeling of peace settled over me. I’m glad you are feeling much better.

Thank you for your story and for your prayers. When I read that you were praying for all of us going through withdrawal, a lovely feeling of peace settled over me. I’m glad you are feeling much better.

 

Hope, that is so cool because I just finished praying when I got this  notification. You are an overcomer and will make it through this. Keep focused and continue to put one foot in front of the other and you will get to the finish line.

 

PG

Thank you for the prayers.

Thank you for the prayers.

 

Believe me the pleasure is all mine.

 

PG