1 month user, almost 30 months to fully recover

Hello all, just wanted to share my experience as a short term user of benzos who had to go through the full recovery process even though I was only on it for a very short while, and I wasn't on any sort of drugs, and while this forum was a huge source of support for me, I couldn't find many users who had a similar experience as I. I was upset that there were success stories from people who used multiple drugs for years but wrote their success stories at 6 months.

 

My worst symptoms were insomnia (funny how a drug prescribed to help you sleep absolutely wrecked your sleep), muscle twitches, hypnic jerks, burning skin and high definition 4D vivid dreams (at least those were entertaining). I was sure I was damaged goods if not for a few users who constantly supported me, and I want to give a shout-out to Hockeyboy, a user who was also on the drug very short term but got screwed over disproportionately.

 

I was prescribed the garbage back in Jan 2016, and stopped in February 2016. I was on a mix of Xanax and Ativan, then did a very short taper of Valium, though I think it hardly helped because I was already experiencing symptoms by the second week and had no idea it was from the drugs. I was diagnosed with anxiety and some depressive signs by a pdoc and was given Lexapro, but I took maybe 3 doses and stopped that nonsense because I was only anxious of what was happening to my body and didn't want to introduce more drugs because that was what got me into trouble in the first place.

 

Anyway, the first six months to a year was pretty horrid, but I did see very slight improvements. I remember there were symptoms that came and went in between, a few particularly memorable ones were projectile vomit every few hours plus violent diarrhoea, and I probably lost 9kg in a week, it left me so weak it was hard to walk. Initially I thought it might have been food poisoning, but the vomit + diarrhoea combo always came with an intensity that was very unnatural and it is only now that I can say that it's very likely part of the process.

 

I managed to hold a job throughout, and although I was secretly crying at work often and my boss questioned me about my browsing of this forum at work once (whoopsie), being able to distract myself helped a lot since interest in my hobbies disappeared, on weekends I took long, long walks to kill time, and this routine helped until I was about 18 months off. By then my remaining symptoms were insomnia, though I was sleeping deeper and for longer periods as opposed to waking up 16 times during the night. Skin burning was also an issue and wearing a bra was often uncomfortable.

 

By 24 months I only had residual symptoms and was pretty much living life normally, although I still didn't dare take caffeine or alcohol. It's been about 4.5 years since I last stopped the drugs and with the exception of alcohol which I never enjoyed in the first place either, I am back to drinking tea and I don't avoid MSG like the plague, strength training and high intensity workouts, I hang out with my friends again (even though my friends really weren't the most supportive during the whole ordeal, but that's another topic) find joy in my hobbies again, I don't think about benzos, which I never imagined I could back then.

 

I know this doesn't sound terribly encouraging, but I just wanted to let those who might be in a similar position know that you do recover, you will get back your normal life again, but as it's popularly said on this forum, it just takes a longer time than you like. Please hang in there, it will end.

Thank you for your success story! I am also a very short term user (18 months off), and I’m looking forward to writing my own story when I’m completely healed!

I only did 58 pills (a little less than 2 boxes) during 4 months. I am currently 9 months out from a C/T I feel like I have damaged myself beyond repair, your story has given me a little bit of hope as I strongly fight not to kill myself. I have about 20 symptoms and I have only noticed very little progress. I hope I can write my own story of success I just don't know if I will ever be able to enjoy your health. You have been given a second opportunity.

@[ve...]

Such an uplifting story! Thank you for sharing and bringing us hope!

SG

Thank you for an inspiring success story

 

I need one today ,

 

I was on valium for 20 months but spent about 17 of those trying to taper off ,

 

Like you I was vomiting, and had massive weight loss very quickly, on the drug, 

 

But I was told it was my anxiety and to keep taking it,  Bad advice

 

Now at 8 months off I am still struggling with far worse anxiety than I ever had, severe disabling tinnitus,  numbness and  tingling in hands face and feet, and terrible sleep , and so much more

 

I  have been searching through the success stories trying to find some hope

 

Thank you for taking time to write,  as these stories do help those of us still struggling

 

I am 75 and to me time is very precious, 

 

I keep going only through hope as that is all we have really, Hope that we will recover as others have before us 

 

Jen

 

 

Great to read that you are on the mend. How severe was the muscle twitching and how long did it take for that to reduce? It's my main one and it's mentally exhausting

I only did 58 pills (a little less than 2 boxes) during 4 months. I am currently 9 months out from a C/T I feel like I have damaged myself beyond repair, your story has given me a little bit of hope as I strongly fight not to kill myself. I have about 20 symptoms and I have only noticed very little progress. I hope I can write my own story of success I just don't know if I will ever be able to enjoy your health. You have been given a second opportunity.

 

Hello there, I totally understand how you feel when I was at where you were, especially the feeling that you're "damaged beyond repair", because that was what I would wail to anybody willing to listen whenever I got the chance. And trust me, you will not believe me when I say that you'll get through this and recover, because I doubted myself every single day, even though I was recovering. I noticed very very little recovery in my journey, and I got very upset reading people who got well just after 6 or 12 months, and those people who described a symptom visit just disappearing and never coming back? Well, I was so jealous of them. It really was just a gradual weakening of symptoms over months and years for me, so please hang in there, I believe you will get better.

Thank you for an inspiring success story

 

I need one today ,

 

I was on valium for 20 months but spent about 17 of those trying to taper off ,

 

Like you I was vomiting, and had massive weight loss very quickly, on the drug, 

 

But I was told it was my anxiety and to keep taking it,  Bad advice

 

Now at 8 months off I am still struggling with far worse anxiety than I ever had, severe disabling tinnitus,  numbness and  tingling in hands face and feet, and terrible sleep , and so much more

 

I  have been searching through the success stories trying to find some hope

 

Thank you for taking time to write,  as these stories do help those of us still struggling

 

I am 75 and to me time is very precious, 

 

I keep going only through hope as that is all we have really, Hope that we will recover as others have before us 

 

Jen

 

Hey Jen, I'm sorry to hear about your plight, and those symptoms are all too familiar to me...I know it sounds perfunctory, but please do hang in there, and it's so hard, but we have to just grin and bear it because we know so many people have been through this and we do recover from this. I am hoping for your recovery!! 

Great to read that you are on the mend. How severe was the muscle twitching and how long did it take for that to reduce? It's my main one and it's mentally exhausting

 

The twitching was pretty bad especially in the first three months I would say. Visible twitching in my legs, I guess hypnic jerks are also related to muscle twitching, and at my worst I was literally thrown off the bed from a particularly violent jerk, 0/10 would not recommend. The twitching persisted for more than a year, but after 3-6 months they got quite manageable, although sometimes I'd get a pretty bad spell, I would say that I was distracted by other worse symptoms.

 

Hoping that you get better soon, and please hang in there! 

I only did 58 pills (a little less than 2 boxes) during 4 months. I am currently 9 months out from a C/T I feel like I have damaged myself beyond repair, your story has given me a little bit of hope as I strongly fight not to kill myself. I have about 20 symptoms and I have only noticed very little progress. I hope I can write my own story of success I just don't know if I will ever be able to enjoy your health. You have been given a second opportunity.

 

Keeping you in my thoughts~~Wewillheal

 

 

kanoba

Thanks for writing this.

Your story is what I needed today. I would like to think that the time and amount we took does not necessarily mean we are damaged goods. You were severely affected on a month's supply! I constantly want to kick myself for taking up to 100 mg of Ambien (you check my past posts for why I did that) and I have been wondering if I will never recover. I have no joy for love for life. The one thing I could find joy in is food but I can't eat whatever I want because stomach and digestive issues are my biggest symptom. I did start back at work, but it is tough. I am wondering how so many were able to tolerate a year or two of going to work with these conditions!

 

Congrats!!

I'm a short term user two weeks with brain injury with over 30 pills or so. I'm 9 months out. I do see a difference. Hopefully fully healed within another year or less. Thanks for sharing your story and giving us hope.

Glad you made it and were able to get life back. I too was given Lexapro and believe it was one of the initial triggers that threw my CNC for a loop.

Good luck for continued healing.

 

B strong

bump for those that have used this poision as prescribed this is a testimony to the long struggle ahead or behind in this case 

Hi veggie!

 

Glad to hear your success story. I'm so glad you are doing well now! I know it was a rough one for you too. Someone mentioned you in a DM to me, so I thought I'd check out your post.

 

Take care and enjoy your new life. 

 

Sig

I learnt who my true friends were when I told them of my ordeal. Some were able to understand immediately and support me. Others were basically "suck it up like a man and power thru it". Yeah, power thru it when you haven't slept at all in a week's time. Honestly I can't really blame the ones that didn't understand though. Everybody always thinks you're exaggerating things, and it takes a compassionate personality to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Not everyone can.

Thank you for taking the time to write your success story. I am happy you're back to normal and hope you keep getting better every day.

 

Take Care,

 

HM

Your success story is great to read. I too was a short time user of Ativan plus several other anti-anxiety drugs - all prescribed. Never did I believe that I was diagnosed correctly, and looking back, I believe that my body and brain reacted to these meds as if they were poison. The good news is that I lost significant weight from a very overweight body, which brought all of my levels back into the “normal” ranges. I spent a year tapering from 5mg Valium after switching over from Ativan. The taper and the entire time I took Ativan/Valium was hellish. I was in breakthrough tolerance almost immediately.

14 months after jumping off at .50 mg Valium I am feeling quite human again. Cognitive behavior therapy helps me with my brain chemistry patterns. In my case I notice the healing process most by how much more I can engage with everyday life.

Healing happens. Only we understand the Hell we’ve been forced to endure and I for one would have been lost without Benzo Buddies. Thank you all. Best of luck to everyone in the process.

this story has legitimately carried me through months of benzo healing