To Dwell

So many on here are really good (and possibly mature enough) to not dwell on how we got on benzos or ADs, but I can't help it. Each day that is worse and no better, I can't help but remember how a professional, someone with a big fancy title, told me it would be OK to try Lamictal and if I didn't like it, I could just stop. All I needed was a natural way to cope with my anxiety. I didn't necessarily need or trust medications. After Lamictal sent me into withdrawal, I was not validated. Instead, both my psych and therapist assured me that I was not experiencing withdrawals or even a side effect (paradoxical). The benzos were then given to relieve me of the symptoms.

 

All I wanted was help with my anxiety.

 

Now, my future is jeopardized.

It is driving me insane as well. I was prescribed lorazepam for sleep.. I didn't sleep well for 6 days or so and I had to run to the doctor immediately... I was 25.. a doctor ruined my life.. even if it is all gone tomorrow.. I don't want these horrible 6 months in my history.. All my friends can live their live as usual and drink beer and so on... I have to suffer.. run from doctor to doctor.. can't focus on my studies and career. I was always the "funny guy" among my friends.. now all I can do is cry and despair.

 

I want to be strong for my girlfriend but she has to see me suffer everyday.. The last time I could do sports I felt like a god.. The last time going out with friends was the best night ever.. now my life is ruined.. I didn't want to miss out on that so early.. I feel so betrayed by life.

 

And the wort part is lik you mentioned it could have been avoided so easily...

I was so close to avoiding this hell hole. I know what these meds can do because I experienced something similar in my early 20s. But, the doctor assured me that I was Bi-polar and that SSRIs will do that to someone Bi-polar. Stories like yours sadden me because you are so young and it really isn't fair. I am 32, but I was about to finish my dissertation for my PhD and my career was starting to expand in the direction I have been working toward since I was 18.

32 is still very young but no one should go through benzo hell. All the doctors i visited told me that benzos are bad and they cannot understand why he prescribed them so carelessly. The most evil part is that the doctor gave me one pill when i visited him to "calm" me. He was annoyed by me because I was talking too fast. Now he says I was trembling so much he HAD to give me one pill. I have so much anger and I feel so humiliated. When I went home I was under the influence of the benzo as i read the package insert.

I know it is 99.9% the doctors fault but I still could have prevented this... I had exams and I was using them to sleep well. After I passed the first ones successfully I decided to take them longer to pass the other exams as well. So stupid.. why did I take them daily.. just one for each exam and nothing would have happened.

 

 

Icy: There is definitely a grieving process in this benzo recovery....as well as a kind of righteous anger that comes from trusting someone and being harmed. Its ok to feel these things. I know I have...

 

Please know that MANY professionals really truly do not know about the harm these meds cause, and are only prescribing based on what they know or are told. Yes there are horrible docs who start ppl off on absurd dosages of benzos when a smaller dose would have "done the trick" - those docs make me really angry  - but thats another issue.

 

Only research and education can change this. Sadly change takes time.

 

 

I just want you to know that I often feel the same way and that I can very much relate to how you feel. 15 years ago I was Someone who rarely used any kind of medicine and was put on 4 mgs of Xanax a day. I had no idea what I was up against. 💕

Hey Trina, you're so right. Both of my doctors, the therapist and pychiatrist really wanted to help me. I am just so angry that the profession doesn't teach the nervous system or the effects of these drugs. Neither of my doctors were lazy or dumb, but it's like I want to blame someone for what has happened.

 

Hey SRR, I had promised myself long ago that I would not go on these drugs again. All pills and drugs scare me, but with the paradoxical effect of the Lamictal, I made my way into an Ambien addiction. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone in this.

Icy: Big pharma only tested the effects of these meds for the duration of like 3-4 weeks. Initially there were no long term studies. Studies are only invested in if there is something to be benefitted by them. When news got out that something might be wrong..pharma is not going to pay for studies that say their new money maker might be a problem if used for long term duration. 

 

These drugs are actually fine if used for a one time deal, like to stop or prevent a seizure. Or if say someone has suffered a traumatic event and needs to "chill" for a day or two. The problem comes from long term use over time and systems get disregualted. Problem is that benzo tolerance symptoms present like psyche symptoms, so professionals assume that a persons condition is just "worsening".

 

Take heart, studies are starting to be done. Awareness is being put out there. In the meantime we have fallen victim to a type of silent crime. The hardest part is there is no one person or situation to blame as it is multifaceted and systemic. I promise to you and to all members on here as I get back into my role as social worker and therapist, I will do my darnedest to promote awareness:)