withdrawal of psychiatric meds after being polydrugged

Hi guys, thank you for letting me join. I would like to tell my story, which is pretty sad. I have always been an anxious person. Then, from 2015 till 2017 some life events happened that clearly overwhelmed me. My mother had severe cancer (luckily, she survived!!!!!), soon after that my grandma rot pancreas cancer and did very soon. My mother and my grandma were the ones that raised me, so my relationship to my grandma was very, very close. In 2017 I unexpectedly got pregnant. I did well until 6 months after the birth of my precious daughter. I then started to feel overly anxious and displayed psychotic features. To receive treatment I had to stop breastfeeding, which broke my heart. They recommended me to take Risperdal and an antidepressant. I did. And my breastmilk, that hasn't subsided, turned green. It was traumatic. I felt better, so it was worth it, I thought. Little did I know. My psychiatrist wanted to switch me to Abilify and reduced the Risperdal very quickly and I started to feel the same way that had led to being treated in the first place. Then she made me go back up with the Risperdal, but I still die not feel the same. I did some reading on antipsychotics and discovered how harmful they are. So I wanted to get rid of them. As soon and possible. I asked my psychiatrist if I could rid of it within 6 weeks. She told me I could, but what might happen is, that psychosis reemerges. I wanted to try....again, little did I know. This time tapering also had physical effects. I started to get tremors and to feel very confused. I had to be rehospitalized and no one explained to me what was happening. They switched me to Abilify and Sertraline. Telling me it was all my anxiety. It did not work and they upped the dose. Until I had enough. I quit cold turkey (continued with the Sertraline though) and was fine for a month. Then, I was fine for a month until I developped speech difficulties, a tight jaw and severe suicidality. I was hospitalized again and adminstered Olanzapine. I started to realize, that I had never been this sick in my life and that I needed to be off the meds. I stopped after five days, not thinking that could cause any harm. Well it did. I was never the same. I developped unwanted movements, myoclonic jerks, tremors, muscle twitches, I was freezing all the time and stopping weight like crazy. While doctors kept telling me it was my anxiety. Thinking I had permanent damage and feeling like I could not cope any more, I almost commited suicide. Afterwards I was forced in Olanzapine, the highest dose and effaxor. I then was discharged and I was determined to get rid of the meds, but this time safely. I tapered in 10 % steps every 3 weeks and stayed on effexor. It took almost a year to become rid of Olanzapine and all the time I did not know what was happening to me. I did not believe in withdrawal as I still had symptoms on the highest dose. When I got to 2.5 mg I started to get really sick,believing I had a deadly disease. I went from doctor to doctor assuming I had diabetes, COPD and what not. I took high doses of B vitamins at the same time and then one day I was convinced it was B6 toxicity. I was rid of the Olanzapine, but convinced it had never been the antipsychotics as I had taken B Vitamins all the time. I was admitted to psychiatric hospital and for the first time in a long time without any meds (had quit effaxor cold turkey without any effects), but felt so hopeless with all kinds of painful symptoms... I was in baaaad shape and my mind went wild. I then kinda figured it might have been withdrawal effects and reinstated the vitamins and had an immediate reaction of feeling like on drugs and all kinds of pain. So I switched back to my B6 theory and went back on Risperdal and another SNRI as I figured these meds had never harmed me. Well.... I was never B6 toxic I guess. What I experienced was a severe withdrawal due to kindling (repeated withdrawal) and I simply had a reaction to B vitamins, which I now no longer tolerate in their synthetic form. It took me months to understand what is causing what and in the meantime I really did not eat healthy, as I was paranoid of vitamins. I did start with 2 mg of Risperdal and slowly tapered. At 1 mg the withdrawal kicked in again. This was 2 months ago. I am much better. It took 4 weeks for most of the symptoms to subside and another 4 weeks for them to be almost completely gone. But I am so utterly depressed. I lost almost everything to this journey. I used to be a successful psychologist and had a husband. I lost my Job and my husband and almost my daughter. She is still with me and my parents are helping me. But it breaks my heart to know she has only known a sick mother. She is almost 3 years now and I am still on meds trying to get rid of them. I used to be very healthy. I have also been chain smoking for the past 2 years...I literally had no joy in the last years. I am very scared of what will happen when I go lower with the Risperdal after all I have done to my body and brain. I am only 33. I also am paranoid that this time the antidepressant will ne an issue also.

 

My questions are:

1 is there anybody that can offer some hope? When I jumped oft Olanzapine I thought I would die. I could not even breathe properly anymore. Has anyone had a similar medical history and still made it ? It would help me so, so much. I want to eventually be the mother for my child I feel I can be if I ever survive this.

 

2 has anyone also smoked during withdrawal?

 

3 my leukocytes are quite elevated. They were mildly elevated when I took Olanzapine. Doctors told me this was due to smoking. But when I withdrew they even rose and other infection parameters showed infection. Then I took the Risperdal and infection parameters went down except for the Leukocytes. I am so worried. Does anyone have experience with this ? Doctors still say it is from smoking, but I am not sure....at least trying to quit.

 

3 For the first time in my life I was diagnosed with an abnormal pap smear and HPV infection. I am so scared this will be negatively influenced by withdrawal. If it stays like this, I will need surgery and general  anesthesia. I am paranoid this will cause more harm to my brain. Anyone have experience with this ? Also...wounds are not healing properly anymore since this whole ordeal. I am so scared my body won't  heal after surgery.

 

I just want to some day wake up again and not hate my life anymore. If anyone could soothe me....offer hope after going through similar experiences. I would be so very, very grateful. I don't want to give up, but sometimes I am very close. Not feeling suicidal though...just so, so sad.

 

Thank you.

I am sorry my post is so full of mistakes ! I was in a hurry as my daughter wakes up soon and I have to care for her. Also I am German ...so English is not my native language.

 

I feel so very guilty for having done this to myself...... I really hope someone can offer hope. Nobody that hasn't been through it themselves, can relate.... I feel so alone in this :-(.

and I have one more question. Did anyone have issues tapering one med and then no issues tapering an antidepressant. I do think I will get through Risperdal withdrawal as I realize, that symptoms do subside eventually. But I am so scared, I will have to go through all of this again when getting rid of the antidepressant :-(

Hello und Hallöchen,

 

as you can see in my signature I have been on tons of meds and I got rid of one after the other. Its a ride through hell but my life is great now.

You are lucky that you are German. There is a book I highly recommend. It is about treating diseases by healing the mitochondria. Its called "Mitochondrientherapie - Alternative zur Schulmedizin" from Bodo Kuklinski. It has saved my life and was the beginning of me studying the processes of the body. There is a chapter only about "mental illnesses" and what you can do to either ease up withdrawal or if you dont want to take and AD, what you can do to heal your body with minerals, vitamins, amino acids, fats and so on. He also talks about a proper diet. And lists the blood marker you can get checked, because you only need to take what the body does not have any more.

 

So, - before you start the next taper of the AD, maybe read the book first and you can fix some things and then start the taper in a more stable condition.

 

My experience is that my healing began quickly after I had stopped all meds and my brain had to learn to function without them. But I did almost everything written down in the book. Life changes, diet changes, - and tons of blood tests:-)

And even if you dont want to take anything, the first chapters explain so well, how the body works, why we feel something on a biochemical level - its amazing to read how nice a body works.

 

Good luck and chin up!

Marigold

Hi Larilu. I can relate to you as I've been polydrugged too. I got off of Ambien and trazodone and tapering mirtazapine. It was not easy to do but I'm feeling better and better and more like myself. Don't worry about getting anesthesia for surgery. A one time thing is not a big deal. When you get to the low doses of meds is when tapering it gets harder so go even slower. Make smaller cuts and don't cut for four to six weeks. Low and slow at the end for risperdol. Deal with the smoking when you are ready, maybe slowly cut back? You are young and that is very much in your favor.

 

Becky

Hello, I don't have much in way of advice but if you type in anesthesia in the search bar, there are forums that discuss what kind of anesthesia to get that shouldn't cause problems. Also, I can no longer take B vitamins either. My family kept saying I was making it up or psyching myself out, but on this site, there are a lot of people who can't handle B vitamins anymore.