Goodbye Benzobuddies

Man oh man have I been looking forward to write my success story. It's been 15 bumpy months, not gonna lie.

 

01. march last year I decided enough is enough with benzos after 10 years or more with benzos. I have used it as prescribed, but also recreational/self medicating. Got diazepam, nitrazepam and z-hypnotica from my MD and from a shrink and I supplied with on and off use of clonazepam from the black market. Sometimes xanax aswell but very rare as I didnt like it.

 

The moment that got me to realize that I had to quit was when I had a week long anxiety attack when I was visiting my brother and when I flew home and had to get oxygen. It was a combination of social anxiety and anxiety attack. I knew this was benzo related as I never have social anxiety and agoraphobia before I started using benzo. I have had benzo induced symptoms like that before as Ive been through withdrawal a few times over the years, but I have never had any problems going off it. Maybe a month or two with withdrawal. The kindle effect I guess. This time was different, I had acute and protracted for the first time. I was getting better last summer, but some stupid life choices sent me straight back to scratch (almost). Lesson learned I guess. 

 

I havent really had any waves until corona exploded. I felt really shit mentally so I decided to do some changes. I leased a car and moved to a place on the west coast of Norway where there isnt much people which is perfect as the introvert I am. Here my final stage of the healing process started. This was in the beginning of April. I went for daily walks in the mountains when the weather allowed it and focused on eating more healthy. I improved very fast from this point and in the beginning of May I started working from home again. I work 11 hours a day now and it's stressfull, and Im not gonna lie bad Im really proud of how I cope with the stress of what I do for work. I feel stronger mentally than Ive done in my adult life (Im 36 in a month). I think this is a result of the pain of benzo withdrawal.

 

I have droven to my home town a few times to visit family and friends. Been out eating in restaurants, went to a bar to play shuffleboard, been to the dentist and to the barber over the last two months. I even felt I could talk to women! I couldnt even do this with benzos before.

 

Two weeks ago my tinnitus went totally away aswell.

 

I still have some work to do with my muscle strength. I used to walk hours after hours in the forest of mountain. Im not totally there yet. Also having a bit high resting heart rate, but it's getting better and my sleeping pattern isnt 100% yet. Im now working on the seroquel taper but Im going to take it very very slowly. Also going to keep alcohol consume at an absolute low for atleast another 6 months. Wine has always been a big passion of mine, but Im not going to take any chances. Had a few beers couple of a days ago with no problem but I know my brain need to be healed 110%!

 

Havent been the most active poster here but I have been lurking a lot. Probably won't be back after this week as I want to close this chapter of my life.

 

I send you all much love and wish you the best for the rest of your healing process. Life can be better even when it's at the darkest.

Congrats! Best of luck to you!

I'm so happy for you Virre, thank you for letting us know about your recovery, reading new success stories makes my day! 

Congratulations Virre! I am so happy to hear of your success and wish you continued health and happiness.

I look forward to these! congratulations May you go on to have a rich and blessed life.

Congratulations! I am pleased you are ready to turn the page and start a new chapter of your life, benzo free and well.

 

pianogirl 

congratulations , I could see a lot of me in that story. All the best.

So happy for you. Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear your tinnitus stopped. Enjoy your life and take care.

Congrats 

Congratulations! And thank you so much for coming back to share your story with others here. It means a lot. I wish you all the best for whatever comes next!