Finally... 1 year off benzos after 2 months of usage "as prescribed"!!!!

Today is my first anniversary 

 

After taking benzos for only 2 months, as prescribed, I entered a living-hell when coming off them. This year was definitely the WORST I have ever lived for now. The worst roller-coaster we can think about.

 

I had tons of symptoms. Now, I have only few of them:

 

• Anxiety - panic attacks but less than before
  
• Depressive spells - less than before
  
• Problem with my stomach (RGO) which makes it difficult to eat sometimes
  
• OCD thoughts, mostly about the "s" word. I know it is OCD because when I feel very sad for a good reason (like when my birthday party was cancelled last monday...), I think stuff like " :'( nobody loves meeee  :'( I want to diiiiie  :'( " and I cry a lot, but it doesn't make me anxious at all. I know I'm just throwing a tantrum like a child.
  
• Dyspnea
  

 

Sadly, the most difficult for me is dealing with the depressive spells and the OCD thoughts. It makes me even more depressed because I really don't want to commit you-know-what, because it's totally at the opposite of my core values I'm still unsure that this is caused by withdrawal, PTSD, or a new mental illness. I hope that it's withdrawal and not the latter one. I'm still seing a psychologist since last august and I began sessions with a psy-doctor expert in hypnotherapy and EMDR. After 4 meetings with him to let him understand what's going on, he says he's ready to begin EMDR next week.

 

Anyway. I have some good windows, and last week I had even more than 3 days in a row where I felt 98 % normal.

 

I was able, during this year, to begin a new relationship with my amazing boyfriend. We will celebrate our 1 year anniversary next month. We stayed together during the lockdown for 2 months since march, and he is still living in my place 

 

I was able to work, and even to find new great contracts. This year, it's the first time, after 5 years of travel-blogging, that I'm was paid to write for a traveling structure. I also wrote for the first time for a paper magazine about gardening, and also I'll teach a whole class about copywriting in 2 weeks for 2 days.

 

I was able to feel happy sometimes. Being productive. Caring deeply about my parents, my friends.

 

Last week also, it was the first time that I was able to just sit down at a terrace and talk one whole hour with someone I didn't know without even feeling anxious.

 

My healing is not complete, but I feel strong enough to believe that it will, someday, be a 100 % healing. So I decided to transform my painful experience into a positive one. Since I'm an expert in digital marketing, I created a whole website in french to help people dealing with benzo withdrawal (https://www.sos-benzo.fr/). I hope to help a lot of french people who don't speak english, because we have almost 0 resources about protracted withdrawal, who to manage the withdrawal etc.

 

I launched it last saturday, in time for the world benzo awareness day, and I already had multiple feebacks from people who also had to deal in the past with withdrawal. They all said it was a nightmare and that they wish they had more informations at this time. A woman also contacted me because her doctor just put her on benzos, said to her they don't create dependance, that she can still drink alcohol, and asked her to stop them without tapering after one whole month of usage. Fact is, she already reached the tolerance level. I was able to show her Ashton manual and thanks to me, she will seek second medical advice to help her tapering.

 

Sooo... that's a short resume of this last year. You can check my blog in my signature, even if I didn't publish on it these last weeks. Fortunately, I wrote a lot in the beggining and can reuse that to explain my journey on my french website. I'm really happy I kept a written proof of what happened to me.

 

I wish you all the best 

Skalliz,

 

Sounds like you are doing so very very well! I admire all that you have done! Launching a site to help others in French!! Wow! What a phenomenal contribution !

 

For me being able to talk and visit with people without all the crappy symptoms was a great triumph too! It should be celebrated!

 

I had the "s" word thoughts too. It was definitely all from the benzo. I knew it wasn't my norm. When the symptoms are bad, this drug and the temporary damage (Remember, it's temporary. You will heal) from them can "trick" us thinking it's some new underlying mental illness. I had the same issues. It came and went for me for about 2-3 months. It would periodically come out of nowhere and make no sense. I would notice the thought and think "huh, that's interesting" and pay it no mind. I'd distract too by making greeting cards, or baking, and it would pass. Keep what you watch on TV and listen to in the news too in check. Avoid the negativity. If you started a site to help others be sure you are getting away too for time for happiness and nature, and self care. Like all the other symptoms it went away for me too.

 

Congratulations on your one year anniversary. You are coming along really well. Just keep moving forward. Time will continue to heal you. Someday this will all be a distant memory. You'll be moved on. Sounds like you're already moving on with many positive things. You'll build on this, and it will help you through the remainder of your healing.

Skalliz:  congrats!

 

You list some really great and significant positive things going on in your life! I am truly happy for you! I really believe the rest will come for you.

Thank you for posting this.. we all need to hear the positives in someones life - even if their situation isn't "perfect " yet. Your honestly is appreciated

bon anniversaire!!!!!

 

 

Congratulations!! You did such a great job, I am soooo proud of you!!! :smitten: :smitten:

 

Marigold

on a benzo for two months, approximately 8 weeks. I could be wrong but you have no idea what w/d is.....IMO

on a benzo for two months, approximately 8 weeks. I could be wrong but you have no idea what w/d is.....IMO

 

Yes, you could be wrong, so sh*t up 

You didn't even bother to post a "congratz" first, all that interest you here is to mirror you own pain to mine. What a selfish post.

on a benzo for two months, approximately 8 weeks. I could be wrong but you have no idea what w/d is.....IMO

 

This is totally inappropriate. Each of us is different, some people with just short term use experience strong and long lasting withdrawals.  If you can't give well wishes to someone posting about their healing progress, then refrain from posting at all.

 

pianogirl

You are showing good signs of healing and your life is getting fuller and happier. Thanks for sharing this news.

 

pianogirl 

Skallis,

 

thank you for writing your post - I was on Ativan for only 8 weeks - tried to come off too quickly and was dropped into hell. I reinstated and spent 6 months tapering. I am now 9 months off and my anxiety is through the roof. I had a window of 6 weeks in April (month 5 off) - i thought i had made it through but this window closed and i feel the last 2 weeks of month 8 off have been sooooo bad - my anxiety is through the roof. I can see from your signature that you also felt bad months out. A few word of encouragement would be greatly appreciated - I cannot believe how bad i feel at 9 months out.

 

Take care and thank you for writing.

Lumpy

 

 

on a benzo for two months, approximately 8 weeks. I could be wrong but you have no idea what w/d is.....IMO

 

I have reported this post.

Please respect that people here make different experiences and that you are not owner of the ultimate truth.

 

Here comes some source based knowledge for you: All benzos are ecommended for short-term use only - this means a  2-4 weeks maximum. Just ask yourself why.  Skalliz took them for 8 weeks- - - are you able to combine? Correct!

 

The source for my statement is the Ashton protocol but you can as well just have a look into the papers which come with your personal benzodiapine, depending on the country you live in, its even written on the package / bottle. I was highly addicted from Ativan after only 1mg daily for one single week, so badly, that it was impossible to stop it. The power of these meds is crazy.

 

Besides this, the board here is full of people who only took a benzo for a very short time, sometimes just for a week, - and they are in hell right now. If so many people can link their symptoms to the fact they stopped or tapered a benzo, I personally believe them.

Out of my experience - anything is possible when you take a medication of this kind. 

 

The other thing is - this is a success story. Someone has survived, worked hard to reach this one year mark.

What does it say about you, jumping in, reading it and then react the way you did?

I wonder if this kind of reaction has ever helped someone on this planet, when people say "oh, in my eyes it is not so bad, your agony". Does it help you to feel better? Or anyone? Come on, buddy. This is a time for joy. I know her journey and believe me, that woman has made such a great great job - and did not lost her lovely character in withdrawal.

 

Marigold

 

 

Marigold ...

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Kudos to Marigold for your beautiful answer which made me cry 

 

I'm sorry I didn't answer quickly to your wonderful messages, I had a lot on my mind lately with health problems in my family.

 

All of you made me smile

 

We will all made it towards complete healing, I'm sure of this! 

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Kudos to Marigold for your beautiful answer which made me cry 

 

I'm sorry I didn't answer quickly to your wonderful messages, I had a lot on my mind lately with health problems in my family.

 

All of you made me smile

 

We will all made it towards complete healing, I'm sure of this! 

 

Skalliz, HUGE congrats!!!  :yippee: I have detoxed off high dose narcotics after 15+ years in a pain clinic and lyrica after 10+ years use. My 4 months of xanax use as Rx'd led to a wd that was hell and remains, at 6 months off, a struggle. It took 8 months of tapering to get off 4 months use and I was off the narcs in a little over a month. So, J Stone, your reply was beyond cold, arrogant and rude. I have seen so much support and understanding on this site and could not be celebrating my successes without some of the kindest people in the world helping me here. One has to ask...what was your motivation? When one puts others down it's often to try to look more impressive oneself. You failed.