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4th of July was Bitter Sweet


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Last night we celebrated my son's Birthday.  He turned 14. Hes our 4th of July baby.  I was having a not horrible day yesterday.  Some of his friends came over.  The whole time, I loved seeing my boy happy.  However,  my symptoms aways get worse at night.  People were trying to talk to me but I'll I wanted to do was go escape to my bedroom due to the intense preassure in my chest and throat. The preassure began to build in my head too.  We began to do the fireworks and the smoke and sounds were too much for my senses.  I watched as everyone ate cake and BBQ, while I ate avacado and spinnach.  I woke up feeling physically in so much pain.  My throat is so tight that I'm trying not to gag.  I'm feeling so much sorrow beyond belief. 
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Hi TG,

 

Bittersweet is the perfect word for it.  You really tried to power through the event and it sounds like it wasn't easy.  It looks from your signature like you're really early in recovery - in the thick of it really.  I could barely have a conversation with a good friend at that stage much less be in a social group with fireworks!  I'm sure it was priceless seeing your son happy and having fun but it still had to have been hard. 

I'm not surprised you didn't feel good when you woke up today.  When our central nervous system is overloaded with stimuli it can intensify symptoms. 

I hope you'll remind yourself that healing is happening and you won't always feel this way.  Better days are coming.

 

Brighterday

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Hi, Thanks for the response.  Yes.  I did try to power through and I paid the price.  I did love seeing my son so happy.  My symptoms have me in tears today.  I guess I need to use this as a lesson learned to not try to power through things.  I need to make my health the priority.  It really is hard seeing life pass me by.  4th of July has always been one of my favorite holidays.  I'm also trying to wrap my brain around the fact that this could be weeks, months, or even years.  I think I definately go in and out of a Benzo Depression.  Things are so up and down for me.  There are days that I feel well enough to walk the garden or even run an errand. I still don't feel great but my mind is positive.  There are days like today where I am in bell all day, and totally hopeless. 
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I applaud your effort!!! So many of us do that for the sake of the ones we love...

 

The fireworks were a bit much for me too this year..it felt like sensory overload. But even my "healthy" family thought so - so I didn't feel so bad.

 

So you need to come up with an excuse to excuse yourself when things are too much, without feeling like you have to explain things. I don't advocate lying, but say you have a migraine..something like that. People seem to get that. I've used that. Or some friends know I have had cortisol issues this year ( not a lie...), so sometimes if I can't do morning stuff, I just say my cortisol is off again.

 

The fact that you have days where you are well enough to run an errand or walk the garden is a great sign! I can totally relate to how it is...one day I can do things...the next day useless! But..I'm noticing bigger gaps between those now...its lengthening out. Soooo...it gets better.

 

hugs :smitten:

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