Help please - very unhappy & desperate to move

Hello, I have been tapering for 6+ months now and life is hell because of this physical dependence.  My kids witness me.  My husband doesn't know what to do and is doing his best, but it is all up to me seeking help, trying to figure out what to do.

I am really unhappy for a number of reasons which are exacerbated by my withdrawal symptoms.  I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety in my mid-20s.  Since then I have felt there is something wrong with me and went from a person who always had friends to, now, one who really hasn't any.  I know I have underlying issues, but just feel unlikable and miserable.  I am unhappy living in this city, living in our house which has been under major renovation for 1,000,000 years.  We have had 2 major traumas in recent years.

We do not have any, I mean ANY support.  Likely because I burnt them out.  But, no true friends to call or anything.  I have a few family members in my hometown.

Being very desperate because my kids are witnessing my withdrawal, I decided to try an inpatient facility in my hometown.  As soon as I left this place, I felt levity.  I got home and I experienced minimal anxiety and depression.  I think it's because I was away from a place I literally HATE living and away from day to day stressors.  But, in my hometown, I have some things I don't have here.  My family.  A climate that is more suitable for me.  We even have a place to live if we move.  We'd have support & love.  My kids would have a few relatives.

So, I felt good & couldn't stand the inpatient facility and left it. I stayed with my family for a bit before coming back and was fine until coming back.  I dreaded, absolutely dreaded coming back here.

And now I'm here and everything is back.  I feel awful.  I want to move home so badly but one problem is that my husband and I  can't really have a conversation.  He doesn't want to leave his job & rightfully so.  He thinks it'd be hard to get a job in my hometown.  My kids have some friends and activities here.  We'd lose money on our house.  But I try to talk to him and he doesn't know what to say so generally says nothing.

But my mental health, I mean, I just want to disappear some days.  Today, I just don't have it in me to do much of anything.  I'm just about giving up.  And my poor kids, being asked "Mommy, are you sad?"

If it wasn't for the support of one family member, I don't know what I'd do.

I want to move.  I want to try moving.  It is a risk but I don't know what else to do.  And I don't want to lose my husband and family.  But I feel scared.  Help.

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time.  Unhappiness is almost surely exacerbated by withdrawal symptoms as you observe about yourself. 

You recently crossed over to valium from Klonopin, right?  Sometimes crossing over isn't completely smooth and people have symptoms as they adjust to the new benzo.  This may explain part of what's going on with you.  Hopefully you are continuing to taper slowly with small cuts and waiting for your symptoms to stabilize before making the next cut.

As you stabilize you will be in a better state of mind to think about whether moving is the right decision for you.

Take care,

Brighterday

that's a tough situation and withdrawal will definatly make this much harder to deal with than usual. I would recommend not making major life decisions while you withdrawal.

I can understand wanting to be in a more pleasant setting while you go through this. is temporary relocation for yourself an option. when you recover you will be able to make a more informed descition.

it's really tough to make any descitions or just survive when looking at the world through the eyes of withdrawal. it does improve so much.

Andrew

benzos, can't you talk to a therapist? Either alone, or a couples therapist who will talk to both of you? I know no one is seeing clients in their offices because of the pandemic, but my therapist sees me via tele-health. I really think you could benefit from someone else's take on this -- a professional someone who is used to dealing with relationships.

I really feel for you, and hope you will consider talk therapy. It's great for helping your sort out your feelings.

Best to you,

Katz

that's a tough situation and withdrawal will definatly make this much harder to deal with than usual. I would recommend not making major life decisions while you withdrawal.

 

I can understand wanting to be in a more pleasant setting while you go through this. is temporary relocation for yourself an option. when you recover you will be able to make a more informed descition.

 

it's really tough to make any descitions or just survive when looking at the world through the eyes of withdrawal. it does improve so much.

 

Andrew

This! I wouldn’t do anything major while you are withdrawing. I had a bunch of upheavals last year and moved twice. Part of my restlessness and unhappiness was due to interdose withdrawals. I decided to start my taper in December because things had calmed down. Then COVID happened. Sigh... well, at least we are trying! Hang in there! 😊