Which way to turn?

I'm struggling so much at 19 months off. I had previous physical health issues and they have come back full force with some extra sxs thrown in. I stabilized when I started my dlmt in 2018, and was functional til The end. The past 6 months I have been a complete mess that is worse than acute. I did well on my benzo for 7 years before I decided to come off it. I worry that my brain is one that needs this medication to function, like someone with epilepsy. I keep going back and forth in my mind trying to decide what to do. Do I continue to suffer and ride it out? For how long? Do I reinstate with a better understanding with these meds and just see if I improve like I did before? Anyone that has any words of wisdom or thoughts, please, I'd love to hear them. This decision is breaking me 😞💔

tidefan, there is no decision to be made, you're torturing yourself for no good reason.  There is no comparison between the brain needing a medication for epilepsy and the brain needing a benzo, so please, don't look for reasons to reinstate, this is just making you more miserable.  Indecision is stressful and you saying this decision is breaking you tells me that you need to let this go, you successfully tapered, don't throw away all of your hard work and suffering, what if your miracle is just around the corner?

 

Can you look back and tell us why you decided to get off of the benzo, you must have had a pretty compelling reason.

Thank you for your reply, Pamster ❤

 

I decided to come off benzos bc I was feeling better and thought I no longer needed them. (I was on them for vertigo, migraines, and an ANS disorder.) It was rough in the beginning of my taper, but it got better towards the end. Then it got worse and hasn't gotten better since. I promise I'm not making excuses to go back on it. My doc would put me back on it tomorrow if I wanted. I just worry that it's the only medicine that will give me a functional life. It did before. I am willing to listen to any advice.

Thanks for the support 

Oh dear, so you were doing great and decided to make your life even better by getting off of the drug, I'm so sorry, no wonder you look back at that time with longing.  But here's the deal, you can never go home again, things won't be the same this time.  I don't know exactly what will happen if you reinstate but I'm fairly certain by just what I've read here that it won't be the same as it was before. 

 

Have the migraines, vertigo and ANS returned?

 

I don't think you're making excuses to go back on the drug, this is your life and you're desperate.

 

Pamster you are so kind 😭

Yes everything has come back ten times worse, along with many other sxs I never had prior. I've been trying to stick this out for over a year now. I wish I knew what to do.

you are so strong. don't go back now. you have come so far. you drank a few times after your taper it says so that's going to set you back a little bit. they say the average BB takes 14 months to recover. you are just a little bit over that. give it a little more time. trust your intuition for getting off in the first place.

you are so strong. don't go back now. you have come so far. you drank a few times after your taper it says so that's going to set you back a little bit. they say the average BB takes 14 months to recover. you are just a little bit over that. give it a little more time. trust your intuition for getting off in the first place.

 

Thank you 💓 I'm trying to hang in there. You are strong too 🙏❤

Do you think the alcohol had something to do with how bad you feel ?

Do you think the alcohol had something to do with how bad you feel ?

 

I do. I was feeling bad before I even tried a beer and it made me even worse. That was 4 months ago and I have been declining ever since. I understand having a setback, but don't understand the continual decline after.

Do you think the alcohol had something to do with how bad you feel ?

 

I do. I was feeling bad before I even tried a beer and it made me even worse. That was 4 months ago and I have been declining ever since. I understand having a setback, but don't understand the continual decline after.

 

Give it more time , it has to get better and you never know you might be a month or two away from being healed.