Author Topic: Need some support for this dark time  (Read 169 times)

[Buddie]

Need some support for this dark time
« on: June 28, 2020, 12:20:40 pm »
Hi all. I hope this Sunday finds you as well as can be expected. Boy am I struggling. I [...] posted before but I'll just do a quick update. I had a strong six month taper that was difficult but manageable. I'm over halfway through but hit a wall with the last taper which was a month ago.

This month has been the hardest taper by a mile. Is it possible that this is an accumulation from all the other cuts before? I [...] read on here that out of the blue you can just hit a wall. Or, is it just a very bad cut this time?

My psychiatrist suggested holding until I feel more stable. I am not there yet. My symptoms are, morning panic, ruminating on all my failures, especially in the mornings, jittery, anxiety, panic attacks, weight gain of 35 pounds which has made me very depressed, manic type sx, my mind runs all over the place. My tongue is coated all the time. I feel exhaustion, brain fog, depression and burning in legs and feet. Horrible tinnitus.

I understand that part of this could be because my underlying diagnoses are coming back to the surface after being suppressed by 14 years of xanax. I [...] been diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid, Gen anxiety, panic disorder and moderate OCD. I [...] also been diagnosed as bipolar 2 by two different doctors but my current doctor of ten years does not think I am at all. Who knows. I always feel like I [...] every disease known to man.

Covid and the protests and awful pain and suffering people are going through is what seemed to push me over the edge. My doc says holding makes sense because of my sx and how the state of the world is affecting me. His point being that if everything was normal, I might not be having such a hard time with this. I [...] to make allowances for things that are out of my control and taper accordingly.

So, I guess I'm just looking for support. Anyone out there feeling the same way? Are current affairs causing you stress? How are you coping? I do tons of stuff every day to stay calm but lately, not getting much relief.

I'm also scared to take even a simple vitamin because that seems to cause more sx. Is there any harm in holding or is it just an excuse to not drop more of the drug? That's really what I'm wrestling with right now.

Also, I'm wondering if I should switch to Valium for the last part of my taper. I may be too far into the taper to switch now but it could be an option?

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need some support for this dark time
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2020, 04:19:50 pm »
You're not alone. There's plenty of grief to be had in the world, and that's on top of our own griefs with how our individual lives [...] changed. You are however making a change for the better by taking care of yourself while you taper.

I'm really struggling with not being able to do some of the things I enjoyed before the pandemic. It's just a matter of letting new things come into your life, though. I try to be grateful for what I do [...]. I just try to pack more enjoyment into the things I can do, like walk to a nearby park. I try to let myself feel the grief when it hits and not push it under because I [...] to "perform".

Being able to ask for help is of course a gift on its own. Hang in there!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need some support for this dark time
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2020, 04:50:58 pm »
Thanks for responding. Yes, I [...] definitely been trying to enjoy the things I can during this difficult time. It looks like you [...] come very far with your taper. Congratulations on that! I will get there! [...] a great rest of the day. ☺
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need some support for this dark time
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2020, 05:14:27 pm »
Try not to be so hard on yourself for debating whether to hold or not. And regarding the state of the world, you can think about how well you're doing - carrying on with a taper despite everything! Keep it up!

I wouldn't rule out Valium as an option. Options are good to [...]. I decided to stay with my Klonopin and not cross over for simplicity's sake but I did consider switching.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need some support for this dark time
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2020, 10:32:49 pm »
Thanks, that does help. [...] a good evening!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need some support for this dark time
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2020, 11:06:39 pm »
Hi SsR,
Yes, cuts can be cumulative. Same thing happened to me. There seems to be a lag time with benzos. You can be tapering and all seems tolerable and doable and then a few weeks or months into it the hammer comes down.
Dont be alarmed if you are symptomatic with new sxs showing up in the days and possibly few weeks to come. You will get better you just need to stop cutting and hold until these sxs let up, they will. Everyone is different as to how long that will take. Don't give up on the hold, I promise holding is your friend right now.
Be well,
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need some support for this dark time
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2020, 11:21:51 am »
Thanks, that's very encouraging. It definitely feels like holding is the right thing to do. ☺
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.