Jump to content

A cautionary tale: using benzos after complete recovery


[Kr...]

Recommended Posts

I believe I posted something similar to this previously when it all (re)started, but I feel like I’m finally out of the woods (again) so I wanted to reiterate my story in the hopes that no one else has to repeat it.

 

On June 4th, 2019 I stopped using Klonopin after a month-long taper. I’d used it for approximately 4 years at doses ranging from 1.5mg/day to .5mg/day. What I endured over the next 2 months was nothing short of hell on earth. I had a migraine for most of the next 8 weeks - a blinding, crushing sensation that I can say with all honesty is the most continuous and unrelenting pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. I did anything I could do to simply get through the day. Miraculously, somewhere around the 2 month-mark I began to experience very rapid recovery. The headaches began to relent. The head pressure began to relent. I began sleeping more - a lot more. I went from 1-2 hours per night to 6. I had windows that lasted days, not hours. Before I knew it the window stayed open and the storm was over. After only 3 months I had achieved almost complete recovery. I literally broke down and cried. I hugged my wife’s feet and wept like a child. It was really over. I went on with my life and my Hell faded into a memory.

 

In April of this year I hit a terrible run of insomnia that lasted weeks. I still had some Klonopin so I figured one or two nights’ use couldn’t hurt me. I took 1mg the night of the 25th and 1mg the night of the 26th. About 5 days later, ALL my old symptoms came back, and they brought friends. The headaches were just as severe, only this time the skin on my face and head felt like it was on fire. The dizziness was way, way worse. I couldn’t believe that I’d voluntarily let myself back into prison. 2 days use and back in prison!!!! What had I done?!?! I was so angry. But I knew I did it. I chose this. I buckled down and did what I could to ride out the hell I knew I’d thrown myself back into. I started posting here again and began to grab on to whatever shreds of relief I could find in exercise, CBD oil, prayer and meditation.

 

Here it is almost exactly 60 days since using again and I feel like I’m almost normal. This last week the windows have been getting longer, and yesterday most of the day I felt normal. Today so far the same. The timeline matches almost exactly with that of my recovery last year. 60 days. Around the 60 day mark something happens and the healing really accelerates. I could be jumping the gun but I don’t think so. This is familiar territory.

 

So for those of you considering to reinstate, or for those of you who’ve had some time free and it’s lingering in the back of your mind that it may be possible to use benzos again safely, take this cautionary tale with you. For me, even a very short period of re-use sent me all the way back to the starting line.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[77...]

Thanks for sharing this Krocksteady.  I just finished a 6+ month taper and I have NO plans to even take a benzo again but it doesn't hurt to read about experiences like yours to reinforce why 'you can never go home again'.

 

Best and good to hear you are leveling off,

 

Kate  :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Krock, I am in the same boat. Had a terrible setback with akiteisia for a week with 0 sleep caused my MSG. Had to take a couple of rescue dose to cam down or was going to end up in the hospital. 9 weeks out and still in acute.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Once my taper over, I made sure to throw away whatever benzo pills I had left... to avoid the kind of situation described above.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also responsibly disposed of all my benzos once I finished my taper.  While I had no desire to take a benzo ever again, sometimes the pain of withdrawal makes you wonder if a dose would eliminate the symptoms.

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Krock, are you  fully recovered?

Jasmine it was a window. Lasted about a week. It ended Saturday and I’ve had one of the worse headaches of my life since then. The good news is I know eventually this window will stay open. Thanks everyone for reading. I just want to make sure no one makes the mistake I made. We're never immune to the effects of these poisons. Like they say in another community I'm apart of, "we'll gladly refund your misery". Be strong friends!!!! <3

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for sharing this.  I often wonder about what would happen, though I personally do not want to risk it even a tiny bit.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my taper was over, I took my remaining pills back to the pharmacy. They disposed of them for me. I didn't figure I'd ever give in to "temptation" but I wanted to be sure.

 

I had many nights of insomnia, but there are plenty of ways to treat it, Krock. Maybe line up a few in case you have another run of not sleeping? I'm sorry you thought you had to grab your benzo to get sleep.

 

Hope you get rid of the remaining pills.

 

Best,

 

Katz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my taper was over, I took my remaining pills back to the pharmacy. They disposed of them for me. I didn't figure I'd ever give in to "temptation" but I wanted to be sure.

 

I had many nights of insomnia, but there are plenty of ways to treat it, Krock. Maybe line up a few in case you have another run of not sleeping? I'm sorry you thought you had to grab your benzo to get sleep.

 

Hope you get rid of the remaining pills.

 

Best,

 

Katz

 

I should have taken them back to the pharmacy but I flushed them - with great anger and furious intent I flushed them. I don't know if anyone has ever thrown pills into a latrine like I did that day  :laugh:

 

It was honestly one of the dumbest things I've ever done, assuming I'd be ok taking Klonopin after all the hell I'd been through. I should know better too - I've been sober from alcohol for almost 8 years...I don't keep booze around just in case. Oh well.

 

Very grateful for this hard lesson and I'm really happy my headache seems to be lifting today. Feeling lots better so far. *crossing fingers*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Krock, I am in the same boat. Had a terrible setback with akiteisia for a week with 0 sleep caused my MSG. Had to take a couple of rescue dose to cam down or was going to end up in the hospital. 9 weeks out and still in acute.

 

This is so sad. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, Jasmine. Just remember in time the pain will fade. It's maddening though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am still struggling everyday.

My husband got rid of the pills

 

I didn't have any left before my setback but I was so suicidal that I had to take some to calm down. The second biggest regrets of my life.

My main symptoms are heart palpitations, jerks, cortisol surge. The symptoms are 10 x worse.

I feel very fragile and any thougths can bring a panic attack, or jerking movement.

I am almost 10 week out . I seriously think that it will take me 2 years to recover

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From what I just read, the taper offa k was quite fast, one month? That may of had a lot to do with it.

 

I'm off benzos myself now but do take the occasional hit on a very bad day. Of course I'd never recommend this to another folk.

 

For sleep problems you can try anti-histamine. And self massage for headache. I posted on another page but can't remember what one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...