Just can't do this any more.

I have tried so hard  through a long taper to get free of valium ,

 

Just 4mgs and I did get free , but not really as at 6.5 months I cannot go on any more,

 

I have tried to get help through the Doctor and the Psychiatrist, but as yet  I  have stuck to no other medication , but it's all to much for me at 75,

 

My brain and body wont take this hammering all the time, 

 

I cannot survive on a half hour to an hour of sleep

 

My arms , hands, face  feet are so nerve numb,, tight and prickly

 

The tinnitus is too bad , so many sounds, too much  for me ,

 

The endless dread that sits with me all day , and now  toxic nods as my brain tries to catch up ,

 

I have wave after wave of panic and fear, I don't know the way forward but there has to be a way

 

The long gone rash is back on my neck and  I feel so damaged,

 

I wish there was an answer to this, I  can't go on this way.

 

I cannot go back on valium as it made me so desperately ill and caused most of this but there has to be something as I feel alone and terrified,

 

I cannot even go into hospital for help at this time, so what can I do ?

 

I want to get better but I am getting worse and worse,

 

Surely this cannot be right?

 

There has to be something that brings a little help without destroying the healing , surely

 

Please can anyone help me,

 

I feel so lost and have nothing left to fight with

 

Jen

Oh you poor thing...

 

I am so sorry you're suffering so.  I know this can be hell...and my heart goes out to you.

 

Although many will frown on this, I did want to let you know my experience.

 

I went on a med called Mirtazapine/Remeron when my second jump from Xanax caused SEVERE Accute withdrawal.  I was so bad my Dr's and Psychiatrist refused to work with me anymore...and I had to find new.

 

It helped me SO much...was a miracle for the horrible anxiety and mental torment I was going through. Within 2 weeks I was sleeping all night and had zero anxiety.    I know it's best not to add any additional meds, but sometimes we do need help. 

 

Discuss it with your doctor...and do some research here in the Med Section.  My only issue with this med is that I weaned it too soon and am now in a wave.

 

 

Jen: I am so sorry for your suffering. Have you tried maybe hydrazine fro sleep or a melatonin? these were meds I used at first when I was trying to regain some sleep. I no longer need them. At 6 months, you are still early on when compared with timelines of others who have healed. I hate the word timeline as we are all different, but its all I could think of to use.

I'm going o caution you on Mirtazipine..it gave me horrific nightmares...like grotesque horror movie.

 

I notice when you write you often refer to your age, almost as if it is working against you. I hope that maybe you can view this differently. Many people in their 70's, 80's, even 90's heal from rough things all the time. I've seen on media people in their 90's surviving covid. My own father in his 70's looks like he's beating stage 4 cancer through chemo.

Your age is not against you in this healing. I just want you to know that.

 

Hang on Jen. We are happy to encourage you all the way.

Oh you poor thing...

 

I am so sorry you're suffering so.  I know this can be hell...and my heart goes out to you.

 

Although many will frown on this, I did want to let you know my experience.

 

I went on a med called Mirtazapine/Remeron when my second jump from Xanax caused SEVERE Accute withdrawal.  I was so bad my Dr's and Psychiatrist refused to work with me anymore...and I had to find new.

 

It helped me SO much...was a miracle for the horrible anxiety and mental torment I was going through. Within 2 weeks I was sleeping all night and had zero anxiety.    I know it's best not to add any additional meds, but sometimes we do need help. 

 

Discuss it with your doctor...and do some research here in the Med Section.  My only issue with this med is that I weaned it too soon and am now in a wave.

 

 

 

Thank you Diana,  I think were I to take an AD it is perhaps the only one that would not be too stimulating, 

 

I did try mirtazapine twice when on a full dose of valium for a week each time .

 

I really am so desperate for some relief from this process.

 

I am at a loss to know what is best ,

 

I need a break from this  somehow

 

Thank you so much

 

Jen

Jen: I am so sorry for your suffering. Have you tried maybe hydrazine fro sleep or a melatonin? these were meds I used at first when I was trying to regain some sleep. I no longer need them. At 6 months, you are still early on when compared with timelines of others who have healed. I hate the word timeline as we are all different, but its all I could think of to use.

I'm going o caution you on Mirtazipine..it gave me horrific nightmares...like grotesque horror movie.

 

I notice when you write you often refer to your age, almost as if it is working against you. I hope that maybe you can view this differently. Many people in their 70's, 80's, even 90's heal from rough things all the time. I've seen on media people in their 90's surviving covid. My own father in his 70's looks like he's beating stage 4 cancer through chemo.

Your age is not against you in this healing. I just want you to know that.

 

Hang on Jen. We are happy to encourage you all the way.

 

 

Thank you Trina

 

I am so very tired of this and in such a mess, I know I need some help

 

My Doctor  wont prescribe hydroxyzine, for some reason . I have asked,  I do have some prescribed 2mg  melatonin tablets which I have been afraid to try ,

 

People say you need less than that , I really don't know though

 

I am so very afraid and broken,

 

I have been making this  journey for over 2 years since my bad reaction the drug and the long taper,

 

I need some relief, and yes this is still early days but I get no windows , and I keep getting worse

 

I so regret the day I took valium and now  I feel broken and not mending, at all

 

I need the rest in order to heal ,

 

I need some relief, I cannot go back on this drug as it made me so very ill,

 

I am fighting my way through but feel I am losing  ,

 

I am so sorry that Mirtazapine gave you nightmares, , I  did try it twice for a week each time ,  I think it was gave me sleep the first night but after that I felt dried out, and my throat started to close up

 

I think too that it might increase my really severe tinnitus, 

 

Just lost at this point, ,  ,

 

Oh for some rest

 

Thank you so very much for caring, 

 

I don't know how to go on any further, , I have nothing left in me

 

I feel my spirit has been broken and my body wont heal, I don't know why 

 

oh for a window, of for the noise to stop and to feel my hands and face and feet, again, of to not live in panic and fear,

 

Sorry . I am so very lost and down , ,

 

Maybe tomorrow I will be stronger,

 

I really do want to live but how to keep going when I keep getting worse and worse and think my body is failing me .

 

Thank you so much Trina ,

 

Jen

 

 

Hey chinchuck!  I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly.  Have you ever used melatonin?  Honestly, I like the sleep I get from benadryl better, if I'm weighing between the two.  I did lean on both of them at some point during my taper, just to get some sleep.  Maybe you can break your melatonin pill up, and just take a quarter or something, and see how you feel. 

 

I do think that lack of sleep makes everything feel worse. 

Hey chinchuck!  I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly.  Have you ever used melatonin?  Honestly, I like the sleep I get from benadryl better, if I'm weighing between the two.  I did lean on both of them at some point during my taper, just to get some sleep.  Maybe you can break your melatonin pill up, and just take a quarter or something, and see how you feel. 

 

I do think that lack of sleep makes everything feel worse.

 

 

Thank you for your message , 

 

Support when so down means a great deal

 

I think the formula for  benadryl has been changed in the UK, and is not suitable for the over 65's  Probably because of links to dementia with prolonged use,  , I am not sure what is in the original

 

I do know I am so down , having had such a hard time when on valium, tapering it , and off it ,

 

It has been over 2 years now and none of it good

 

I do thing a good sleep can make a difference,

 

A window would give some hope of healing instead of what feels like getting worse,

 

Sadly I haven't as yet had a window and so I am afraid I will stuck this way ,

 

I am so very tired ,, this has taken so much from me and I feel at rock bottom ,

 

I do hope that soon things will start to  improve and give me a little bit of hope

 

Thank you so much for your thoughts

 

Jen

 

 

Hey chinchuck!  I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly.  Have you ever used melatonin?  Honestly, I like the sleep I get from benadryl better, if I'm weighing between the two.  I did lean on both of them at some point during my taper, just to get some sleep.  Maybe you can break your melatonin pill up, and just take a quarter or something, and see how you feel. 

 

I do think that lack of sleep makes everything feel worse.

 

 

Thank you for your message , 

 

Support when so down means a great deal

 

I think the formula for  benadryl has been changed in the UK, and is not suitable for the over 65's  Probably because of links to dementia with prolonged use,  , I am not sure what is in the original

 

I do know I am so down , having had such a hard time when on valium, tapering it , and off it ,

 

It has been over 2 years now and none of it good

 

I do thing a good sleep can make a difference,

 

A window would give some hope of healing instead of what feels like getting worse,

 

Sadly I haven't as yet had a window and so I am afraid I will stuck this way ,

 

I am so very tired ,, this has taken so much from me and I feel at rock bottom ,

 

I do hope that soon things will start to  improve and give me a little bit of hope

 

Thank you so much for your thoughts

 

Jen

 

hey beautiful,

 

I am in a tough spot myself...back in bed and I thought I was going to be writing my success story soon...unfortunately not.  hang in there and do a little self care.

I’m so sorry ❤️ Keep holding on with me

 

 

I will do,  as best I can, my  dear friend  Tweed, 

 

It's all we can do until it gets better.

 

It surely has to

 

 

Love

 

Jen

Do you have nausea? Phenergan is an antiemetic ( stops nausea) and has some drowsiness associated with it. What about Trazadone? It is an old, not very effective anti-depressant which also makes you drowsy. I take it for sleep. You may or may not approve of these but I am just sayin '. The Trazadone is prescribed frequently for sleep these days. I don't think it is dangerous.

Do you have nausea? Phenergan is an antiemetic ( stops nausea) and has some drowsiness associated with it. What about Trazadone? It is an old, not very effective anti-depressant which also makes you drowsy. I take it for sleep. You may or may not approve of these but I am just sayin '. The Trazadone is prescribed frequently for sleep these days. I don't think it is dangerous.

[/quote

 

 

Thank you for trying to help

 

I think my state of  fear about my lack of recovery is getting to be too  much for me, at this time

 

I need a way to manage it somehow, as I feel my symptoms get worse and worse as time is passing

 

I am really struggling with the dead hands and feet, the numbness in my face hands and feet and tightness in may arms and leg muscles,

 

I cannot tell if my hands are warm , I feel they are cold but they are not

 

The blood vessels in my hands feet and lower arms are standing out,

 

My face is prickly numb ,especially round the mouth and  left side of my face ,

 

The tinnitus is beyond bad,

 

I spoke with my Doctor on Tuesday and she does not recommend hospital visits and tests at this time due to my age and therefore high risk ,

 

I cannot  just turn up as you are triaged anyway before going, and they will read my Doctors notes that they think it anxiety

 

I do wish I knew of others who had this lasting state of  ice numbness and horrendous  noise and still got better

 

 

I fear this is my end, as I am getting worse and worse and not better at all at 6.5 months

 

I keep trying to hold on, but this is beyond me , 

 

Just desperate and nowhere to turn at this time

 

Sorry to always moan,  . Just hoping something improves soon

 

No sleep again last night which hasn't helped, probably due to the humid weather

 

Jen

I understand. So many days go by when I feel that I just can’t go on. I am 23 months benzo free and still sick. Please hang in there, people do heal...

is going back on benzo for life an option if it gives you relief?

I understand. So many days go by when I feel that I just can’t go on. I am 23 months benzo free and still sick. Please hang in there, people do heal...

 

 

 

 

Yes people do heal but I am not one of them

 

I begin to think that those who react badly and quickly to this drug do some major damage .

 

I soon became more and more ill on a low dose of valium but it took me a little time to work it out

 

I tried to free myself once I realized, at 3 months, then tried to taper off for 3 months and ended up in hospital for 3 days  , and went back to 4mgs of valium, and tapered again for 14 months, down to zero

 

 

Here I am at 6.5 months off and worse than ever I was

 

I get no windows and hope feels gone

 

What little I could do last month I cannot now, and so on

 

I feel as if at my age I am  just waiting for God ,when before this drug  I was young for my  years,  and now I am back in bed and even my walking seems pointless

 

I hope I will heal,

 

However I feel so damaged  and so quickly from taking it  plus the other bits they tried before that  at he beginning of 2018,  that  I wont recover

 

I have tried so hard to stay positive but  now I am lost

 

I hope with all my heart I am wrong because I so much want to be well again

 

Thank you so much for your message

 

Jen

 

 

 

Hi jen,

I noticed that when I don't sleep, it gets harder to deal with the symptoms.  I have been taking melatonine for 4 years now. 3mg. I started during my taper and never got off. And it works well for me. When I had a full day of anxiety, it makes me.slightly sleepy enough to let go.

I would take mine at 5 pm and at 7 pm I would be in bed and doing some affirmation "I love myself unconditionally,  I welcome these symptoms of healing" and repeat this until I fall asleep.

Once you start sleeping better. Things will look different.

You can try taking half of 2mg tablet?

Hi jen,

I noticed that when I don't sleep, it gets harder to deal with the symptoms.  I have been taking melatonine for 4 years now. 3mg. I started during my taper and never got off. And it works well for me. When I had a full day of anxiety, it makes me.slightly sleepy enough to let go.

I would take mine at 5 pm and at 7 pm I would be in bed and doing some affirmation "I love myself unconditionally,  I welcome these symptoms of healing" and repeat this until I fall asleep.

Once you start sleeping better. Things will look different.

You can try taking half of 2mg tablet?

 

 

 

Thank you Jasmine,

 

I am feeling so very low today and lack of good sleep is in there with the mix , 

 

I don't know, it's all  just getting to me, the having no windows, 

 

The feeling I am getting worse as time goes on and losing any ground I had made,  like doing a bit of cleaning, etc

 

I do not even feel like doing my walks,  around the block I am so low having spent the night crying and mourning the life

 

I feel I have  lost to this drug

 

I have lost faith that I can and will heal, as I see others progress,

 

I was so stupid to have  taken this drug  and ruined my later life,  I really doubt my healing

 

I cannot go back on it either as it made me so very ill ,

 

Just crying and crying in bed 

 

Jen

 

 

Jen, try to focus in the present moment. I know it is really hard but be kind to yourself. No one is perfect. Try to say the kindess thing to yourself to lift up your spirit. And accept those symptoms as a sign of healing. Affirmations will help

Don't fight the symptoms. Breath and relax and let the tension run leave your arm and down your hand. Imaging them leaving your palm and relax.

Then count from 1 to 10 and backward from.10 to 1 and focus on your bellie breathing. Try to float through them.

 

Jen, try to focus in the present moment. I know it is really hard but be kind to yourself. No one is perfect. Try to say the kindess thing to yourself to lift up your spirit. And accept those symptoms as a sign of healing. Affirmations will help

Don't fight the symptoms. Breath and relax and let the tension run leave your arm and down your hand. Imaging them leaving your palm and relax.

Then count from 1 to 10 and backward from.10 to 1 and focus on your bellie breathing. Try to float through them.

 

 

Thank you Jasmine

 

I am very low today,  I will try some of the things you suggest ,

 

I do some positive affirmations in the early morning and tapping but I am not seeming to  improve

 

It's getting me so down that I  am not like others and do not have windows ,  but get worse

 

Surely by 6.5 months I should feeling a tiny bit better ? 

 

I only need to see something small improvement,  but nothing,  just worse all the time I don't even want to do my walking round the block now,

 

I know I am depressed and I have never suffered from depression,

 

I cannot take AD's  I have become too sensitive to any drugs

 

I am  so low

 

I feel my life is over.

 

How stupid of me to have  destroyed my brain with this drug, 

 

I have lost belief in healing happens for everyone ,

 

 

I hope it returns,  all I need is a sign that I am getting better,  time for me is precious at my age, just struggling to accept this is life now,  sorry ,  just cant seem to stop the tears 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Jen, I agree with Jasmine, that trying the melatonin, for a good night's sleep, might really help you.  Everything can feel so much worse and more overwhelming when you haven't been sleeping properly.  Hope you feel better. 

Jen, have you looked into Lenire?

Hi Jen, how are you doing , just let you know you aren't alone. Taking the anti depressants made things so much worse, the citalopram giving me awful withdrawal symptoms. My GP wouldn't give me hydroxine dud get some from private GP cost lot and made anxiety worse. Even though my sleep not too bad still feel rubbish. Hope you soon get some relief but just let you know you aren't alone. Helpline that I rang said as had bad withdrawal from zop would probably be same with anti depressants sadly she was right. Take care x