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Cold Turkey Xanax .5mg - My Story


[Ti...]

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Hello everyone! Just looking to share my story, to give someone insight who might be in a situation like mine. I wrote an introduction you can find on the new members board, but I'll elaborate here, followed by some questions and suggestions for what has helped me.

 

I first used Xanax .5mg as needed for anxiety attacks in 2010/2011, I was about 20 year old then. I used maybe once a week for two years until 2013, when I stopped completely until 2014. 2014 brought on some trauma and life changes, so I started using Xanax a bit more often, steadily around 2x a week, maybe 3x. I secretly would take a couple pills at once just to relax and get a little high, this was extremely rare tho, as I thought I was diligent and responsible, I chalked it up to the same as having a couple beers.

 

Fast forward to 2018/2019, I semi-recently moved to a new city and needed to fill my rx. A doctor saw me once and wrote me my usual script, then months later when requesting over the phone told he he would no longer see me because he didnt believe in benzodiazepines. I found myself hoarding pills the more I heard about Xanax being demonized in the media, splitting my .5mg in half to .25mg so my rx lasted a bit longer and I could hoard. I found a new doctor who saw no issue as I never sought out increasing my dosage and even assured me I was at no risk for dependency. Unknown to her, I would drink alcohol, then Xanax the next day to take the hangover away, then alcohol or more xanax a few days later.

 

I moved across the country and my new doctor warned me the dangers of long term Xanax use, and I shrugged it off as her not understanding I NEEDED it and I WASNT ABUSING IT. Boy, was I wrong. Everything I outline above was a classic case of an addict. Maybe it wasn't a physical dependence as bad as most, but it certainly was mental. It was my crutch, carrying pills around in an unmarked case wherever I went.

 

After the pandemic hit I found myself panicking nearly every day, needing Xanax every day but still attempted to only take it 3 times a week, and even found my .5mg wasn't always working or the panic would return hours after it wore off. Its like a lightbulb went off then. I realized had a problem. All these years of Xanax usage and how young I was when I started, I feel as tho I made it so my brain couldn't handle normal stress or worry like the average person. I medicated almost every time I felt uncomfortable. I did this to myself.

 

I decided UNWISELY to quite cold turkey on April 22nd, after three days straight of Xanax use, .5mg a day. The first few days were hell. I couldn't eat, I was paranoid, had intrusive thoughts, shaking, nausea, extreme anxiety and rumination. This got better over the week, as I forced myself outside to walk the neighborhood for sometimes hours a day. I took my anxious energy and instead of obsessing over how terrible I felt, I tried to make sure I focused on getting about 10k steps a day for my health. It helped tremendously. I had this great window of three weeks where I felt mostly okay, some normal worry here or there, but nothing debilitating.

 

Now its May 20th, four weeks since I stopped taking Xanax, the longest I've gone since 2014. A few days ago the withdrawal symptoms I had back in April came back, rumination, anxiety, have not been able to eat for three days, worry over trivial things, obsessing over the pandemic, thinking im going to have seizures from withdrawal, thinking im actually losing my mind, guilt, etc. Every day I fear I may have a seizure, although it seem unlikely for my situation. I understand these are likely the dreaded post acute withdrawals. I have faith it will get better. I'm glad to have found this forum and be around so many that know what I'm experiencing. Its extremely cathartic.

 

Some non-medical advice, as I am not a doctor, but these things have helped me. Please consult with your doctor before trying:

Nausea/food aversion- Ensure, applesauce, bananas, fiber one brownies and vitamins. I sometimes have two ensure a day just to keep the tummy tantrums at bay.

Rumination/intrusive thoughts- Let go. Much easier said than done. See these things as unharmful annoyances, let them drift into your head, don't be afraid, and let them drift away just as they came. Thoughts alone can't hurt you, even though it feels like they can sometimes.

Stay away from the news- I find myself obsessing over the pandemic and the endless what-ifs and whys. Keep in mind much of what we see on the news is sensationalized as it brings in more views and revenue for the news stations. Keep yourself healthy and mindful of the illness making its rounds, but don't give into the fear.

Exercise, exercise, exercise- You can do it, I promise. I lived a very sedentary lifestyle and once I started forcing myself on walks my situation improved. I even dusted off my old bike and took a spin around. Sometimes I call a friend and catch up the entire time I walk my neighborhood, sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I look for the stuffed animals some have put in their houses windows for the pandemic, sometimes I just think about the good and how thankful I am to be on this journey no matter the difficulty. Because I know Im not alone, and you are not either.

 

I start therapy next week and am excited to do so after so many years of putting a bandaid on my anxiety. If this is something you're able to do, see a therapist, I highly recommend it. I wish I followed recommendations and started earlier. Cheers to you and your journey, you have a buddy in me.

 

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Tiny,

Anyone who can write this detailed, coherent letter is NOT someone who has gone insane. You are experiencing a very normal benzo wd. No one knows why some people have such a difficult time getting off benzos. Not much is really known about this, probably because the drug companies suppress a lot of stuff. We will probably never know. But I can tell you that everything you spoke of sounds purely like benzo wd to me.

You took benzos far longer than is suggested. Me too. And I went Cold Turkey too. And you know what? I DO NOT regret that! Being forced by my doctor to go CT was the ONLY way to save my life. Benzos had such a grip on me, and believe it or not, I DID NOT know this.

You strike me as a very intelligent young woman who will do very well recovering from this. You obviously have done your research, know a lot about this and are willing to fight to get "YOU" back.

You might want to read the first few pages of my Blog" Eastcoast's Trip" , under Buddie Blogs. It is actually my SECOND Success Story, for reasons I wont go into.

I would very much like to stay i touch with you and see how things go for you. Something about your story just resonates with me.

Annie (east)

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Wow, congratulations on making it four weeks.  Keep pushing, it only gets better the longer you are off of these drugs.  And going cold turkey, wow, I was never able to do that.

 

You shared some great tips.  It’s obvious you acquired a lot of wisdom over the past four weeks!

 

Good that you are trying therapy too.  It’s not for everyone but it helped me a lot. 

 

Thanks for sharing your story, it will inspire many others, especially those that are forced to quitting cold turkey.

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