One year today!

I cannot believe it’s been a year today since my last benzo. Overall I definitely feel that I am healing more and more.  My skin (acne, rashes, burning, allergy) issues are still here. Somedays are worst than others but my mental state is improving slowly but surely. I do stay pretty wired a lot of the time and my OCD is still pretty bad but I don’t expect those to go away, as I have struggled with both since before benzos.  I can only hope the itchy, rashy, allergy issues get better over time. My face still burns every single day and as much as I want to say it is getting easier, that part is not... unfortunately.

 

I work full time.  I received a promotion two months ago and I am very grateful to be able to work (I work from home). I finished this semester of school with B’s and I am fine with that at this point. Staying busy, working out and eating well is key for me. When I stop doing any of those things my anxiety and OCD gets noticeably worse. I definitely didn’t expect to be having the skin issues that I still have a year later but i have also been on spironolactone since January and have seen some improvement. Once my skin is back to normal and I don’t have the rashes and itching and acne, I think I may consider myself healed. It’s hard to say since life before benzos was not great. I’m hoping to maybe find a new normal in time. I hope everyone is staying strong and safe.

 

I have tracked my symptoms since day one and I plan on posting them on here and checking off the ones that are gone. I think it will be a good picture of my healing and hopefully give people (including myself) hope that one day all will be OK!

 

❤️

Wow! Congratulations for making it to one year!

 

The fact that you can work full time, exercise, and be in school is absolutely amazing healing. 

Congratulations on one year.  It sounds like your life has improved greatly.

 

I have a rash too.  Was hoping it would clear up sooner, but I am only three months off so I will be patient.

Congratulations for one year and thank you for a very positive post.  Sounds like you're coming along nicely.  Congrats on the promotion and the good semester.

 

Basically, lots of congrats!! 

congrats! you have a lot going on with work and school. I think you've managed very well:)

Thank you all for the support. I truly wouldn’t have made it even this far without this forum. I know I’m not out Of the woods yet but I’m happy that I have seen a lot of progress. I know I will be 100% eventually we all will! 

 

Rshack, I know the rash sucks. Most people don’t realize how bad chronic rashes and itchiness are. It’s not a walk in the park. And I don’t consider it a “minor” symptom at I know plenty would considering the other symptoms that come along with this.

 

I truly thought nothing would improve and instead I have improved so much, so I want people to see all the symptoms I’ve had...

 

 

Rashes, itching, swelling, flushing.. on face 

—rashes and itching still here but truly much less frequent. The flushing has its days. It seems to be related to my period so I assume a lot of the skin stuff is hormonal since the withdrawals threw my hormones WAY off. The swelling is much better, I almost never feel like it is swollen now and this was every single day I had balloons in my cheeks.

 

Acne

—this got  pretty severe all along my jaw and under my jaw. I am still battling it but meds have helped. It has caused some scarring as well. Again the withdrawals threw my hormones into a giant mess.

 

Dermatitis/blisters

—I still have issues with this. Again, not as bad but still frustrating. The blisters use to be very bad around my eyes. I get one or two here and there now.

 

Eczema

—I hadn’t had a flare up of this for many months until about a few weeks ago. Again, I suspect this is hormonal. Never have eczema in my life. It was mainly on sides of eyes and between eyes.

 

Peeling skin

— this i still have. It’s almost like dandruff on my face. Very irritating.

 

Chemical sensitivity

—this I still have as well but like most things it is much better. I haven't been able to use moisturizer on my face since my taper began over a year ago and I recently started using vanicream lite which has been really good and I have tried TONS of things that all burned my skin and caused it to balloon!

 

Burning skin on face

—this is again much better but still persistent and I will be throwing and party when it’s gone.

 

Pins and needles/icy hot feeling on face

—lingering still some but again, much better.

 

Waxy face/cracks in skin/weird texture 

—only in the last couple months have i begun to see this improve but again with all the skin stuff I believe my hormones are to blame. I started spironolactone and I believe it it starting to balance things out.

 

Nausea, stomach pain

—for the most part this is gone. I rarely feel sick.

 

Dizziness

—gone

 

Feeling of throat closing

—this was very bad for the first few months. It was a strange and awful sensation. It truly felt like my throat was closing and like my tongue wanted to go back in my throat. I swear I felt like I was going to have a seizure but i have never had one so I can’t actually know if that’s how it feels.

 

Headache

—gone expect for from allergies

 

Fatigue

—gone

 

Crushing Depression

—MUCH better.  I feel happier than I have felt in I can’t remember how long. I reached a level of depression that scared me to death. The lowest of lows. I have lost both parents as a kid and went through a terrible divorce and nothing I felt during any of those times even comes close to the depression I felt for the first 8 or 9 months.

 

Record high Anxiety

—my anxiety still is very high a lot of times. Again I have always been a severely anxious person even as a little kid as I had a very traumatic childhood. I don’t expect this to disappear.

 

Numbness

—gone

 

Tingling

—still here some. Not bad

 

Shakiness

—gone

 

Brian zaps

—gone

 

Blurred vision

—still get this but I don’t think it’s related to withdrawals anymore.

 

Feeling like head is being squeezed

—gone. This was bad for many months

 

Weird sensations in head

—gone

 

Confusion

—gone

 

Consuming/overwhelming fears

—this has slowly improved. I have OCD pretty bad so it is still an issue but much better than early on.

 

Severe agoraphobia

—this has lessened as well but since I work from home and go to school online I have yet to really make a ton of progress here. I do get anxiety when I leave the house but it is not like the intense fear I use to have when I left my house. It was unlike anything I have ever felt.

 

Clenching fists and jaw

—this i still do... anxiety related

 

Heavy limbs and head, very hard to lift

—gone

 

Burning mouth briefly

—gone

 

Short term memory issues

—gone. This was truly bizarre. I would try to remember the face of someone I just saw and it would be a blur. It was scary.

 

Tinnitus - pre existing

—lessened

 

Depersonalization

—this was another very severe symptom. It was terrible and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It has been gone for a good while now. The first 5 months or so was bad.

 

Muscle pain

—gone

 

Brain fog

—gone

 

Electric current through vein feeling

—I do get this every now and then when I’m really anxious but this was daily and almost constant in the first few months.

 

Weird sores/blister bumps

—gone for the most part

 

Flu like

—gone. This was very often early on.

 

Popping/vibrating in ears

—gone.

 

Mouth ulcer

—gone

 

Boils

—gone.

 

Air hunger

—still get this every now and then.

 

Feeling of “going to snap” (cortisol rush?) while trying to go to sleep

—gone  This was bad daily. I couldn’t take naps. I couldn’t ever relax without surging electrical currents shocking me.

 

akathisia

—I do have this often. I have an inability to relax.  Always feelings tense.

 

Intense and worsened OCD

—still here but again slowly improving.

 

 

As I went through those I realize I’ve made so much progress.  We will heal you guys!  Thank you all for your continued support!!

Thank you penny for lsiting the symptoms that are gone

 

It is very reassuring. I am at 2.5 months from a setback and rescue dose and I am very glad to see that some of the same symptomsthat you have are gone.

I struggled a lot with the electrical current when I am laying down,  they turned onto full body jerks for me but yesterday I was able to relaxed for 15 minutes without that happening. So.I. caustiouly hopefull that they will lessen with time.

Thank you again to post your progress.