desperate for some support

hi everyone.

 

i am more than a month off klonopin and i am suffering with poor sleep and exhaustion. i am trying to not despair. yesterday i started having feelings of depression and self hatred. i can barely get myself to work. i am struggling with marriage and a son's pot addiction. this is not me. i am not feeling other symptoms of W/D so i think it's just the anxiety about sleep. i was on klonopin for so long for this and when i have been here before, i have given in and gone back on. so now it is hard to believe that i can sleep without it. therapy does not help this. i want to check myself into hospital for a break, but they wouldn't take me last time and plus they would give me drugs. i have been meditating, doing yoga, taking walks, trying to not read too much about the terrible news of the world. i am just feeling so bad about myself and hopeless. this is not who i am. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to get my life or myself back. if someone has gotten better for this place, i would appreciate some hopeful words. thanks so much everyone!

Healing from Benzos is a very difficult journey for most.  Unfortunately you could very well be in the "acute" phase of WD, which typically lasts from 30-90 days for most.  It can be a period of intense symptoms and feeling like you are dying, with no hope of healing or getting better.

 

Depression, anger, hatred and hopelessness are all pretty common thoughts and feelings during this time.

 

You are correct.  This isn't you. It's only a "temporary" version of you.  It evens out and slowly gets better over time.

 

When you say you've given in and gone back on, does that mean you are taking K-pin again for sleep after being off a month?  If that's true, I would highly recommend that you get rid of all Benzos in your home and ask your PCP to not write you any more scripts for Benzos or any other Rx drug.  That way, in a moment of weakness, you won't be tempted to reach for a Benzo to help you sleep.

 

Unfortunately the only way out of the mess you are in is through the WD and healing/recovery process.  There are no shortcuts, pills or potions to take to speed this up.  Time is the healer, but your symptoms and their intensity won't always be like they are now.  You'll get windows, or periods where you feel normal for minutes, hours or even days.  You'll also get waves where symptoms are acting up and you feel hopeless and lost.  Eventually you'll get more windows than waves until it's almost all windows and then one day it all ends. 

 

You have the power to choose how you respond to this "temporary" condition.  You can use it to enable yourself to wallow in self-pity, or you can choose to be strong and fight everyday.  You can't control your symptoms, but you can learn how you will respond to them.  The root word of "responsibility" is "response."  What is your response to your symptoms and how you feel going to be?

 

It's not going to be easy.  It will be very difficult, but it can be done with determination and persistence.  You can get past this.  Time will heal you.  Do your best to let the time pass in a right state of mind.  Eat as clean as possible.  Meditate, distract, focus on anything positive and be grateful for any sleep you get and any improvement in symptoms, no matter how small.  Avoid negative things and negative people.  You can sleep without drugs...but it isn't going to happen overnight.  It will most likely be very UP and DOWN for some time before it finally evens out.  Sleep returns in fits and starts, sort of like the stock market. 

 

Chin up, hang in there.  You'll get past this!

 

 

thank you dear THEWAY2. your words are so soothing, they take much of the anxiety away. it sounds like your journey was much like mine. no. i have not taken any Klonopin since i made the decision to stop. it's just that i had tried to stop a few times before this and when it got this bad, i went back on. then i thought it was "me" and that my sleep anxiety was just too severe to sleep on my own. after all, that's why the DR put me on it in the first place. i did not realize that it was the getting off the klonopin was the problem. so, reading all these posts has been so helpful and calming. because i thought that i was just crazy and needed klonopin to sleep. i am so willing to hang in there. i am more than one month klonopin free. i am not taking any med at all. i will say that i get enough sleep about every other night and when i do, i feel so good. but sometimes i wake up at 3 am with my heart pounding, i think that may be the klonopin. i will just assume it is for now and keep living my life the most positive that i can, not complain to others or feel sorry for myself. please know that your words are healing to me and helping me in my recovery. much gratitude to the whole community.

Isn't is amazing how a few words written with understanding and kindness can make such a difference?  This is why BenzoBuddies is so important, we all need to feel validated, to be understood and we need hope, especially when we can't get it in our real life.  Not many can understand what we go through and they lose patience at how long it takes to recover from this, it's good you've reached out for help.

 

I'm glad to hear you've not reached for the Klonopin for sleep, when your body learns how to do this on it's own you're going to be amazed at how good it feels.  The sleep I get now is so deep and restful so much more satisfying than the shallow sleep I got when taking Klonopin and Ambien.  It will come for you too.

 

You're amazing and strong and that good attitude you're striving to hold onto will see you through this, I can't wait to see the real you buried under your pain.

hi everyone.  almost 60 days drug free. i am doing better some days. my main problem is sleeping. if i get enough i feel good and even feel like i'm getting my life back. but i also wake up at 3 or 4 in a panic and can't get my thought or pounding heart under control. is this WD or will i always have this fear? i could really use a friend. this is feeling scary and lonely. please, if anyone has had insomnia as their main symptom and has gotten better from this, i would love to talk with you. it would be nice to know that i am on the right track. thanks to everyone who is on this forum.

Try to find a way to lighten your load. Your son's "pot addiction" is probably nothing much to worry about. Encourage him to vape instead of smoke if you're concerned about his health. Maybe take a little yourself.

 

I'm not meaning to come across flippant, it's just not a big deal. At all.

I was on klonopin for a month, and when I stopped taking them, i got severe form of insomnia. I thought it will last forever. I thought I will be a zombie forever.

 

I experienced insomnia for 2 years, then I found few videos on YouTube that changed my life. I got my healthy sleep back on track 

 

Those videos were about RAW Vegan Lifestyle. "You are what you eat". If you put the right kinda fuel in your body, your body will heal itself.

 

I found a video of a woman who cured her Insomnia with RAW vegan lifestyle. She started raw vegan for weight loss, but the diet cured all her health problems including Insomnia.

 

So I decided to give it a try to cure my insomnia. After 7 to 8 months i got my healthy sleep back on track. I noticed my sleep time gradually increasing, even though it was really hard to fall in sleep. And today, im completely cured. I sleep like a baby, 8 to 10 hrs every night.

 

I will add those video links below:

 

Sadhguru about Raw food diet

    Heal Yourself 101

    Rawsy RAW Vegan Story

      Rawsy Shopping

      Free from adrenal fatigue, liverproblems, gout, anxiety, depression, insomnia, PMS, brainfog