Feeling like a "ragdoll"? Is this normal? I'm pretty worried...

My nervous system seems to be doing really strange things...Basically, it seems like I oscillate between under-activation and over-activation...When I'm under-activated, my whole body just feels...limp. It makes it hard to stand without leaning over. Sometimes my head just kind of nods off or bobs onto my chest. But it's not just that...my whole being- body, mind, emotions- just feels like a ragdoll.  When I feel that way, my brain will just feel blank or "offline". As if my brain has almost no control over the way I am holding and carrying my body. Quite literally, it feels like I'm a puppet or ragdoll. I don't necessarily believe in spirits or anything, but as a metaphor, it feels a bit like I'm possessed...

 

Then there's the over-activation. This might be what some people call akathisia, but I'm not sure. I'll start to get real bad nerve pain and then I basically involuntarily will rock back-and-forth in a fetal position or make somewhat involuntary (I'm able to control them but I feel a strong urge to) movements such as flapping my hands, rocking back-and-forth etc.

 

My boyfriend admitted that the "ragdoll" type movements have been creeping him out a bit, and I'm scared too. It has been like this since I started going through interdose withdrawals and after I cold-turkeyed. I do think for the majority of this hell, I've experienced the akathisia-type feeling more frequently. The "ragdoll" feeling has been more frequent as of about a month ago. But I'm a bit concerned, as I've gotten ECT and been put on other medications in the past couple of years...seems like my nervous system is really wacked.

 

Please don't be afraid to tell me if this sounds like it is beyond withdrawal...I have an appointment with a neurologist soon so he may have some good insight.

So the good news is our brains have neuroplasticity - the ability to heal. However the brain needs time and healthy habits.

 

Yes you've been through a lot, but I really don't believe you're beyond hope - you're typing an intelligent thread, and articulating very well what is going on -some people can't even do that! So give yourself credit, you're making a positive choice to be well.

 

I've had days of "extreme restlessness" only to find myself barely walk and shuffle to the bathroom.on another day.  And then there's days like today where I seem normal in my physical behavior. I've used rag doll as a description before.

 

I too had polydrugging and ect. And so have others. It is not the end. But I can tell you I have had days that were a lovely "window" where I felt more like me than I have in a long time. Sp be patient with the process. Eat for brain and gut health, do what exercise you can tolerate (little walks?), flood your mind with positive stuff when doing tv or internet. All these little things help. There will be bad and weird days. There will also be better days.

 

The appt with neurologist cannot hurt, but there is no quick fix and whatever you do I humbly suggest do not take any more meds. Let the mind find its balance.

The rag-doll feeling of not being able to hold yourself up or walk right....totally WD.

It's ok to see Neurologist, but probably won't find anything.

Some people get it worse than others, but a ton of us got it

It's horrible and weird, and can be very scary, but I promise it's a common symptom. But hey get checked out, Lord knows I did- a lot!

It all sounds like WD to me, no surprises there.  I experienced a lot of what you are going through.  I would be careful with a neurologist as he/she most likely won't find anything wrong and might refer you to a psychiatrist that will want to put you on more Rx drugs?

 

From your signature, it looks like you have been off about 7 months from a CT?  I did a CT too.  It's not uncommon for symptoms to Wax and Wane.  You can feel good for a day or two or even a week only to get slammed back into symptoms during a wave.  It's a real roller coaster ride for most.  There's nothing linear about healing and recovery and there's certainly no rhyme or reason to any of it.  Expect the unexpected.

 

If you didn't have these symptoms prior to taking Benzos then they are most definitely caused by going off the Benzos.

 

But if it gives you peace of mind, get checked out.  I had almost every medical test they could do and everything came back "normal" or negative.  I went to four different ERs in 4 different cities over a one month period and all of them could find nothing wrong.  It got so bad, that my PCP would no longer see me and said I needed to see a psychiatrist first.  I did, and she told me I had all sorts of underlying conditions that I needed more drugs for.  I politely declined and completely healed proving them 100% wrong.  ALL of it was BENZO related, but they assured me that it was not even after I explained my CT to them from 4 different Benzos. 

 

Hang in there, it gets better.  Trust that time is the healer.  Trust that it's all Benzo WD related.  It will end one day.

Super: A very good description. Life is a combination of overwhelming and a body that doesn't work. Sometimes (or most of the time) it's just too much.

I have the rag doll weakness combined with extreme muscle contracture and rigidity.