Is this really Real?

I ct'd Klonopin/Clonazepam a few days over 10 months ago and the depression and anxiety that have hit me the past week and now is debilitating and makes you feel hopeless.  Is it really from the benzo that I stopped taking 10 months ago after 10 years of use?  I had a couple weeks of peace and serenity and out of no where and for no reason the depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and ideation hit me.  I don't know what to believe anymore because my mind is not being my friend.  Any thoughts from long term users of benzo's who have recovered would be appreciated. 

I would also love to hear from any long term benzo user who is any where around 10 months out, give or take several months.

 

Any reply would be great.

Tex, I am sorry I didnt write sooner. I can FEEL your worry and fears here. Because I am now healed I dont stay on BB for hours a day now. I do check in daily.

Here is my take on this. Benzo wd is well known to cause depression. Who wouldnt feel down going through the weird stuff we do?

But THIS sort of depression is a bit different from the ones you used to know. THIS depression is a chemically created one, a response of your brain, which is trying to heal itself even as you read this. Your brain is still in a huge uproar, trying to heal itself from the benzos. Ten months is normal, Tex. It took me a lot longer than that.

If I understand you, you took a benzo for 10 years. Thats is over 9.75 years too long. People who continue to take benzos for over a couple months tend to have difficult withdrawals. I sure did. In MY mind, at 10 months, you are still in the beginning of your healing. And that WILL happen, Tex. I know this. As long as you dont slip up or start another similar drug (ADS) you will heal from this.

I could FEEL your pain reading this post and my heart cried for you. Of all people I DO know how awful; you feel.

Please keep going.

east

 

My mom suffered from schizophrenia and she believed what her poor sick brain was telling her, but really what choice did she have, this is how we perceive the world around us.  Can you imagine how horrible it would be to not be able to trust your own mind?

 

I can because several years later I went through benzo withdrawal and found myself in her same shoes because I can no longer trust what my own mind is telling me.  But how can I not, how can this be, this is the only way I know how to navigate this world.  I joined BenzoBuddies and people began to tell me not to believe the lies the drug is telling me, how can I trust strangers on the internet and not my mind?  How can I believe them when they tell me this is the drug talking, that I will recover from this, that the hopelessness and fear will leave me and I'll be whole again?

 

We know what you're feeling because we've been where you are and we came out of it and you can too if you just stay the course and wait it out.  I know it's been going on for too long but read the success stories, keep distracting yourself and stay busy doing anything but thinking about your symptoms.

 

Believe those of us who have gone before you and not the dark lies the drug is telling you, you can do this, I know you can.

Any reply would be great.

 

OK since you asked.

I ct'ed clonazepam more then two years ago.

8 mg was my daily evening dose.

I had/ have severe muscle cramps.

On my bad days I would take another 4 to 16 mg clonazepam if the cramps required it.

In six weeks I was done with clonazepam.

Replaced with tizanidine.

Did I feel weird sometimes?

For a few months. Yes. But it passed.

I have had no short term or long term issues.

So I guess you could say that I am a success story.

 

 

 

 

 

Either you were lucky or it is because Tizanidine acts as a glutamate blocker.

Wish I could take Tizanidine.

Tex, anytime a poster does not return to their thread, it worries me. Are you all right? Please dont be shy.

I will say this again. At 10 months out you are way within the normal parameters of benzo wd. Most fairly heavy users feel awful for over a year, and some have estimated maybe 18 months to heal. It took me a lot longer but my case is extreme.

 

Please let us know how you are doing???

east

I’m here and so very thankful for your responses.  I’m just discouraged and trying to see some hope, and your responses give me some.  Thank you.

Tex...this whole process is overwhelming..I'm so sorry. When your head says "you're permanently ruined " but the BB mentors tell us "we will heal".

 

Some days its a fight to believe. But they are proof. Living proof. We are healing. 

For what it's worth, I am struggling in a similar fashion, very depressed but newly off K, only 6 months after an antidepressant taper. I'd say hold onto memories of recent windows. I am trying to remind myself I have not always felt this way. It is a paradox about whether to believe our brains or others. Maybr in my telling you not to listen to yours, I'm also reminding myself not to listen to mine.

Have you been drinking alcohol or anything that affects GABA? Also was the intensity of your symptoms the same as when you started your taper or did you notice a reduction in intensity?

Tex,

Feeling like that is so normal for us. Discouraged, afraid, terrified at times. Its almost impossible NOT to feel like that when you are beseiged with weird scary feelings and thoughts 24/7. It takes courage and determination to go through this. And depression is not at all unusual. Benzo wd is terrible! It really can be so awful.

If you or I had known, we might not have done what we did.  But its too late for that. Both of us are in it now, me still recovering and you just starting your journey back to health. I can tell you that my overall health is SO much better now. But I am not a young person, I am now an old person of 70 years on earth. I fell lucky to be alive.

 

When you feel real down, reach out to us, Tex. Dont try to be a hero. Be needy, as you deserve to be cared for.

east (Annie)

Tex I empathize fully for you. The people here are so caring. Find and follow your plan and keep reachable by out for support.