4 years off today

Wow what a long journey it has been these past four years. Looking back, I do not know how I survived that first year off. Recovering from benzodiazepines has easily been the hardest thing I have ever been through in life, I have kicked heroin and alcohol, in comparison those two where cake walks. I have been through trauma and suffered many losses in my life and yet still everything I have experienced has been shadowed in comparison by this trail. The fortitude required to withstand this hell, has made me a stronger person and the wisdom gained from this, I may have never learned had I not experienced this.

When starting this journey, I was young (25) and now I am 30 years old. There is a sense of grief for the loss of my youth to this drug. Mostly recovered at this point I would say, I do not want to delve too much into my symptoms because I would like to keep this positive if possible. I do still have sensitivities to sound and other things.... Still cannot work out super hard without having issues. At this point I can live a normal life maybe not the life I was able to live prior to this but I am grateful for where I'm at even if it's not a full recovery. It is my belief that what is left will be permanent and you know what that is okay as I have survived.

If you are just getting off do not read this and get discouraged everyone’s recovery is completely different. I believe I was just unlucky in how my body personally responded to all of this and also looking back I'm pretty sure I kindled multiple times when doing my taper that was not done properly and that may be the reason for my journey being more hellish and long. Even with that after the first year most of the hellish symptoms where gone. So, if you can just find it within yourself to make it through that first-year things will get better and some normalcy will return.

My outlook is very positive right now when I look into the future, I no longer see darkness like the early days. Now I can see myself succeeding in life again and flourishing. This experience has left me with a powerful motivation to live my life the best I can and to really appreciate all the small things I took for granted in the past. Hopefully, whoever is reading this and is in the darkness right now, can take it from someone who made it out the other side of that. You will get better you will be stronger, and you will live your life again. Its all about perspective you know. Sorry this turned into a long rant a bit, take care.

What a beautiful post Remy, thank you for sharing it with us.  I'm happy to hear you've made progress and are seeing positive improvements and looking at life with renewed appreciation.

I wish you continued recovery and hopefully a success story from you, soon.

Congratulations, you are so strong! 

A small question; I'm 52 months off. Most symptoms have disappeared. But so weak and breathless. Sometimes I can't stand, and just want back to the couch. I try to do exercises and get strong. Is this something you recognize?

Thanks! 

Congratulations, you are so strong! 

 

A small question; I'm 52 months off. Most symptoms have disappeared. But so weak and breathless. Sometimes I can't stand, and just want back to the couch. I try to do exercises and get strong. Is this something you recognize?

 

Thanks! 

Thanks translator you are also strong your ahead of me . I do feel fatigued all the time still if that's what you mean. It is my belief that the constant strain on the body and especially the nervous system during recovery causes adrenal fatigue or chronic fatigue syndrome (just a theory) . I would say keep exercising as much as you can though cause it will help regain strength and stamina even if you do feel weak all the time .

What a beautiful post Remy, thank you for sharing it with us.  I'm happy to hear you've made progress and are seeing positive improvements and looking at life with renewed appreciation.

 

I wish you continued recovery and hopefully a success story from you, soon.

Thanks pamster I really appreciate that 

Congratulations, you are so strong! 

 

A small question; I'm 52 months off. Most symptoms have disappeared. But so weak and breathless. Sometimes I can't stand, and just want back to the couch. I try to do exercises and get strong. Is this something you recognize?

 

Thanks! 

 

Thanks translator you are also strong your ahead of me . I do feel fatigued all the time still if that's what you mean. It is my belief that the constant strain on the body and especially the nervous system during recovery causes adrenal fatigue or chronic fatigue syndrome (just a theory) . I would say keep exercising as much as you can though cause it will help regain strength and stamina even if you do feel weak all the time .

If ppl actually have CFS (not just fatigue) the last thing they should do is push to exercise. It can make it more severe and cause permanent disability.

Hi Remy

I remember you 4 years ago as we were withdrawing together on this site. I am also 4 years free this month. I am older and took that poison over 20 years. It is such a good feeling to not be dependant on that stuff. Congratulations on your recovery!

Hi Remy

I remember you 4 years ago as we were withdrawing together on this site. I am also 4 years free this month. I am older and took that poison over 20 years. It is such a good feeling to not be dependant on that stuff. Congratulations on your recovery!

Hey thank you so much ! I remember you as well, we were in the early days together 

Congrats to you for making it this far as well how is your recovery now are you fully recovered??

That's an impressive feat to kick benzos after 20 years, I imagine that was very difficult, to say the least .

Thank you so much!. I'm 62 now. I have also been back to work for 4 years now as well. Yay!

However, I do still have lingering very loud tinnitus that has remained constant. I have always had insomnia even before benzos so I can't complain on that as benzos fault. I would say that the tinnitus is the worst symptom that remains. Since I took them so long I'm hoping it isn't permanent.

Hey remy!!!!

Another one who started together with me

Happy happy birthday! like you I feel life is wonderful now. I am so happy you made it, you have always been so helpful to me and others. May your life be beautiful you deserve it!

Marigold

Hi Remy

I remember you 4 years ago as we were withdrawing together on this site. I am also 4 years free this month. I am older and took that poison over 20 years. It is such a good feeling to not be dependant on that stuff. Congratulations on your recovery!

I saw your avatar and thought "oh!! This one started at the same time with me...!" Hello!

Happy birthday also to you, buddy! How do you feel?

As Remy, I still struggle with fatigue, my adrenal glands are weak... although they are healing, but very slowly.

Let us know how you are beebop

Marigold