I'll prove it's addiction and not just dependence

So first off, whoever is reading this, please don't ban my posts and censor them just because you don't like what I have to say. This might help a lot of people on here. I'm not talking about substance abuse or suicide and I'm not using profanity or any of the other things that break the rules on benzo buddies. So quit taking away my posts. Also I'm going through a hard time and people need to hear this.

So I think that all of this is serious addiction, not just a little bit of addiction like normal drugs, but a huge addiction like the most severe that there is. That's why people are confused including myself.

Now let me explain why, today I stopped taking my propanolol after taking it for 20 years. My symptoms are not that severe compared to the benzo withdrawal 10 months ago. So yes I'm getting hit by both at the same time, but it just kind of feels like a huge blood rush and anxiety and adrenaline on top of the benzo withdrawal. But that's not going to stop me from saying what I'm saying. Nor am I here to make anybody mad, I just think it will help.

When a doctor tells you that you are addicted to something, they mean that you have a psychological component as well as the physical component. I don't know anybody that takes benzos long-term and does not have a psychological component.

It's the same thing with my propanolol, when I go outside on the beach, it feels like I'm going to have a panic attack or something, just because I didn't take my pills so the only thing I'm thinking about is my propanolol. So now instead of the benzos, I'm thinking about four panel. Of course it's psychological. Which means that's also addiction.

Everybody is getting all worked up about whether or not it's a drug addiction, it doesn't matter one bit. It's not like my doctor's going to get pissed at me and call me a drug addict and treat me like a heroin abuser or something just because I quit taking my propanolol and I'm having a hard time. So it's the same with benzos. Only difference is they're not controlled.

So moving on, now I have an addiction to both propanolol and benzos that I'm trying to overcome. I've got the physical dependence as well. But whenever I go outside I start feeling overwhelmed because I don't know how to deal with life not taking Propranolol and Klonopin. I've taken them both for 20 years. Of course I'm addicted, what else do you want to call it?

You can't just say that I'm only physically dependent and just want my pills. No, I'm actually scared because I don't have them. It's like part of me at this point, part of my lifestyle. After 20 years, everything is repetition. And I'm not saying you took them for that long, but I'm sure you took them for quite some time otherwise you wouldn't be on here.

Doctors specifically told you they were controlled meds and that they were addictive and you can build tolerance and you refused what they had to say and kept taking them anyways. Everybody did, unless you're one in a hundred. They specifically told you they were for short-term not long-term use.

You did everything you could to stay on them and probably even increase your dose over time, I highly doubt your doctor came up with the idea to put you on pills for a long time that were controlled. And you went along with it, and you thought it was a great idea at the time and you never wanted to get pulled off of them. And then the pills became part of you. So then you were addicted to pills. Both physically and mentally.

I'm not judging you one bit, neither is anybody else. Nobody is trying to make you mad. Like with me, I don't want to be addicted to a blood pressure med but I am. I was addicted to water the past couple years when I was working out and I would carry a bottle with me everywhere I went. And then I became addicted to the water itself even when I wasn't working out.

Nobody gets mad when somebody tells them that they're addicted to water oh, so why would they get mad about being addicted to a highly addictive medicine? Why do you think the doctor's call it highly addictive? You build a tolerance and it's a controlled medicine. It makes you feel calm. It works similar to alcohol. You can't say it's not addictive.

Like look the definition of addiction up, it's where you feel like you need something psychologically and you're depending on it. There's probably a million different descriptions but that pretty much sums it up. I'm not trying to get all technical with Google definitions either. It doesn't matter.

All I can tell you is I live beachfront here in North Carolina, I can't give out details, but I can tell you it's really nice out there and there's lots of women out there in bikinis and guys jogging and kids playing and dogs out there. And I just want to enjoy my day but unfortunately I'm addicted to Pills and having a hard time getting off of them.

And yes there's physical dependence, but you can't say it's not addiction. If you say it's not a diction, you're just lying to yourself and everybody else. Everybody is supposed to be honest on here and lots of people are just acting like they don't have problems and everybody else does. I'm so sick of that mentality. I love benzo buddies but can't handle people that think they're better than one another.

So moving forward, I'm not breaking any rules and I'm not purposely pissing anybody off but we completely meet the definition of addiction. This is exactly what it is, support groups and horrible symptoms and not knowing if we should go back on them or not, among the million other things I could list but don't have the time.

And if I point it out everything you did that was wrong or rude, I would be rude myself and I'm not going to be rude on here. But I do want people to understand that we actually literally meet the definition of addiction.

Like what if you went up to your family members or friends and you said was I addicted to benzos? They would say of course. They would say you took them all day long everyday for years and years regardless of consequences or recommendations. It was your decision to take them.

And there's probably tons of times in your past that you wanted off of them but couldn't get off of them due to the physical dependency, but you kept taking them anyways because of the psychological aspect and not thinking you could stay off of them. It wasn't just physical and you know it. So I am not going to get blamed and look like the bad guy just because I'm pointing out facts.

So like with my propanolol, yeah there's physical symptoms and physical dependency to that. But there's also a psychological dependency which is called addiction. Back in the 60s and 70s they wouldn't have said it was anything else.

So now, just because it's 2020 are we going to start getting all technical on everything and acting like it makes a difference? Maybe I would have been better off being born in the 60s or another generation where they called it what it was and didn't get all butt hurt.

And I'm not going to have my post censored if I'm not saying anything wrong or breaking rules. If somebody doesn't like it, they don't have to respond. I'm definitely not trying to hurt anybody's feelings or provoke anybody or whatever else I was told yesterday and I had some administrators removed my post. I didn't even do anything wrong.

Somebody that had an addiction problem who doesn't want to admit it, probably gets really butt hurt about being called a drug addict. They must have had a bad experience, like all of us. They are no different and they are not excluded from addiction. But the quicker people realize that doctors and everybody else are right and they shouldn't have taken them that long and they got addicted to them, the better.

The quicker you can come to terms with yourself, the better. Nobody's calling you a street drug addict. Nobody said that you were off stealing things and pawn your TV so that you can get Euphoria and get really high and nod off. We are simply saying you have a psychological dependence as well. And you know you do, so if you say you don't you're lying or you were one in a hundred.

Now this does not go for every single person so don't jump me. Don't attack me because it's benzo buddies and you don't like what I have to say about certain groups. Also I'm going through way more than you can imagine so I don't want to hear it. I'm stating the facts and some people don't like it. Well I don't like what I'm going through either but I'm going to do everything within the rules on here and try to make you realize what you're going through.

Another thing, if you didn't need support groups, you wouldn't be on benzo buddies. Support groups are for drug addicts. You already know that you want to be off of the benzos and your doctor has already made it clear that it's a good decision and you know it is as well. Nobody said it was going to be easy, but if you need psychological support, that's an addiction.

In my case, I requested to be off of my medication. I hated the way it made me feel. That doesn't mean I'm not a drug addict. You don't have to like the way it feels. You don't have to get pulled off of it in prison or whatever weird scenario you're trying to come up with in your head so that you don't sound like a drug addict. You don't have to like any of it. You can still be really addicted.

With every addiction comes physical dependence. That's just part of it. You can't say that you're just part of it.

And I don't care if it was prescribed by a neurologist or a gynecologist or a back doctor or psychiatrist or whoever else, that's irrelevant. It doesn't matter if you took them for a month or four years. Of course they were prescribed and of course you took them the way they were supposed to unless you were abusing them. That doesn't matter either.

Drug abuse is just a term. That means you took more than you were supposed to. Nobody said you were a criminal. But if you didn't, that doesn't mean you're not a drug addict. Drug abuse is a whole different thing.

Legal or illegal, it doesn't matter. I'm so sick of all the technicalities. Call it what it is, you were addicted to benzos. You're not better than anybody else just because you had a prescription. Maybe if you had listened to your doctor you would not be going through horrible withdrawal right now. That's not my fault, don't get mad at me. You're the one that did it. People need to take responsibility. Now that I'm 10 months off, I'm starting to see that.

I'm only in my thirties, but you can consider me like a parent. Maybe I'm scolding you. Maybe I'm just wanting you to see the truth so that you stop being all-defensive your whole life. It doesn't matter. It is what it is and you move on. I will go on the beach and take a walk while being physically and psychologically dependent. You can do whatever you want.

But I'm not going to have moderators deleting my post when I haven't said anything wrong or broken any of the rules. As for the moderators, you know I'm not breaking the rules and I'm not starting anything on purpose. If other people can say what they want so can I. I think this will help them, not start wars, but help them in the future. Maybe it will help you as well.

What amazes me JustInTime is your insistence on stressing yourself out.  You work yourself up with seeking to bring lawsuits and provoking others with your words then you'll tell us how your symptoms are acting up.  When I and others point out that you're bringing this on yourself, you'll agree and reasonably say you're going to allow your body to heal without additional stressors. 

I removed your other post from the open forum because we're all tired of being labeled, it hurts and to have one of our own doing the labeling is even worse than hearing it from those outside of our community.  The backlash your post may bring is a drain on our small team in terms of moderation and frankly, your post isn't worth our time so I hope others will ignore it and let it die out.

You have the absolute right to label yourself if you wish but you won't be successful in getting others to your way of thinking so you're wasting our time as well as yours.

I will tell you what's horrible Pamster. You locking my post just because you don't like them and you're a moderator. But I haven't broken any rules, so maybe you shouldn't be a moderator at all. You're the one creating problems for the members like myself. You could unlock it and there wouldn't be a problem anymore.

And what do you mean by we? There's plenty of people on here that admit to having addiction problems. There's just a select few that won't admit it because they think they're better than everybody is what I think. Judgemental people should not be allowed on here. This is a non-judgmental website remember? Read the description on Google. It's specifically States it's non-judgmental but I don't feel you are being non-judgemental anymore.

If you would like, I can attach the names of everybody that admits to being a drug addict on here. There's more than you think, over a dozen currently. Just because you don't like being called that, doesn't mean that you're right. You probably are dealing with addiction and have not faced reality yet.

I'm not saying anything mean and I'm not breaking any rules, I'm not judging anybody, I'm not doing anything wrong at all. So you don't have any right to remove my post unless you just don't like it and do it anyways. But it's just benzo buddies, it's not like it's the end of the world if you do.

I'm just sick of you censoring everything and telling me your opinion about not being a drug addict. It doesn't make any sense it's contradicting this whole healing process. You're not any better than anybody else on here.

And of course I asked for opinions on withdrawal, that's what this website is for. If I didn't want opinions on withdrawal, why else would I be here? And you're right I don't need stress, so why is everybody giving me more stress just because I said I was addicted to benzos? Am I not allowed to say that?

Also for the record, I didn't call everybody a drug addict. I specifically stated it's just a select few that are not. I guarantee you 99% of people that take benzos have some kind of psychological dependence as well. They might not admit it, but most likely they do. However, like I said, not all of them. Nor does it matter in the first place. Who cares about labels?

I actually didn't lock your thread, that was another team member who was tired of wasting precious moderation resources on topics which we know from experience will waste our time better spent supporting members who truly need our help.  You're right though, I did remove one of your threads which is pretty much just like this one, a waste of our time and that of our other members.  Call it censorship or expediency but this is a privately owned forum staffed by volunteers so we take whatever steps we need to take to keep the forum operating safely and harmoniously.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and I sought the drug you're accusing me of being addicted to, many on this forum know my history because I don't hide it, but neither do I glorify it, brag of it or try to convince others they're just like me, what would be the point?  We all have reasons for starting, staying on and stopping benzo's, what difference does it make to you or anyone what those reasons are?

Own your past, present and future, take responsibility for your actions and move on from this JustInTime, you're accomplishing nothing, let it go.

A "waste of OUR time"? So now you're speaking for everybody on benzo Buddies? And I'm the one that's wasting time? Basically what you just said was that I am wasting everybody's time on benzo buddies because I decided to accept the label of addict. I don't care about the label, but obviously you do.

You claim that you're speaking for everybody here, but you're not. There's tons of people that disagree with you. You might think that you have a big fan base here, or lots of people that support you but obviously not as many as you think. People are sick and tired of you and forcing stupid rules on a constant basis. But I'm actually on your side with that, they're there for a reason.

And now you want to tell me that you're not going to allow posts that waste your time? I thought this was a non-judgmental website? I didn't know that it had to amuse you and that you had to like it. Or how about the whole paragraph thing? At least I'm writing in paragraphs now to suit your taste.

And of course it's a privately owned website, all websites are privately owned basically. Somebody creates it and puts a bunch of content on it and somebody manages it and that's about it. Unless you start putting advertisements on it and stuff.

But let's get real here, it doesn't matter if you're a drug addict or not whatsoever. I'm tired of discussing it. But I'm not going to have you start censoring my post just because you don't like them and think that everybody agrees with you when you haven't even asked everybody. Just because you have two or three responses of people that don't like it, there's probably a dozen people that agree with me.

And there was never any problems until you started censoring things. And you just said it for yourself, you're a recovering alcoholic. Which means you were an addict. Alcoholics are addicts.

And most people who are physically dependent on benzos are also psychologically dependent. Think about the technicalities behind it, you're taking a medicine from a psychiatrist, which means it's for psychological reasons. Which means you are psychologically dependent. And most likely also physically dependent. And if you are psychologically and physically dependent, you are an addict. Quit fighting the word.

As for my posts, you're not supposed to judge them. You're supposed to just let them be there as long as they're not breaking the rules. Anyways, I don't judge anybody unless they have something to say to me I will defend it. I've never been judgmental, I've been homeless and I've been friends with every type of person there is. Drug addicts and non drug addicts and rich people and poor people and black and Mexican and white. People in Florida and people in Colorado and people in North Carolina. I don't judge anybody.

The people that didn't have prescriptions are considered drug addicts, so why do you think you don't get to use that label just because you had a prescription? Did you not take it for psychological reasons? Or to help with alcohol withdrawal? Whatever the case, it's psychological. Which means it's addiction. I'm not stressing myself out. I'm stressed out constantly on a daily basis from withdrawal just like you or like you did in the past.

Maybe calling lawyers and doing all that stuff is a little stressful so I'm taking a break on that. So moving forward, that would be great if you didn't judge me and I won't judge you. But don't try to act like you know what's best for the whole Community when it's just you making a decision and censoring all my post.

I'm going to address some of the points you are trying to make with this post, not likely all of them due to it's length and repetition. You are making statements that may apply to your own personal situation, but you are also jumping to conclusions about others and their unique circumstances.  You are proposing what you state is fact, when it is simply your opinion.

 

So I think that all of this is serious addiction, not just a little bit of addiction like normal drugs, but a huge addiction like the most severe that there is. That's why people are confused including myself.

If you wish to label yourself and 'addict', go ahead and do so.  If this is your reality then I applaud you for being strong enough to say it.  However, this is not the case for the majority of members. 

 

When a doctor tells you that you are addicted to something, they mean that you have a psychological component as well as the physical component. I don't know anybody that takes benzos long-term and does not have a psychological component.

Where did you read that members are being told they are addicted by their doctors? Overall in my years here, I've been on the team for many years, very rarely have doctors told people they are addicted to the medication provided.  What I've heard and read more often is that doctors don't believe their patient is dependent on the drug and remark that the patient does not have an addictive personality. 

 

 

Everybody is getting all worked up about whether or not it's a drug addiction, it doesn't matter one bit. It's not like my doctor's going to get pissed at me and call me a drug addict and treat me like a heroin abuser or something just because I quit taking my propanolol and I'm having a hard time. So it's the same with benzos. Only difference is they're not controlled.

 

So moving on, now I have an addiction to both propanolol and benzos that I'm trying to overcome. I've got the physical dependence as well. But whenever I go outside I start feeling overwhelmed because I don't know how to deal with life not taking Propranolol and Klonopin. I've taken them both for 20 years. Of course I'm addicted, what else do you want to call it?

You are welcome to admit that you are addicted to both klonopin and propanolol.  As I stated earlier, manning up to this, for yourself, will ultimately help you deal with the issue. Others do not consider themselves addicts and do not wish to be labeled as such.  This is their reality, their situation.

 

Doctors specifically told you they were controlled meds and that they were addictive and you can build tolerance and you refused what they had to say and kept taking them anyways. Everybody did, unless you're one in a hundred. They specifically told you they were for short-term not long-term use.

No, doctors do not always tell patients that the drug can cause a dependency, that is the crux of the problem with benzos. More often than not, the potential negative effects of the drug are not relayed to the patient.  Do not state facts that you can not back up with data or studies.

 

You did everything you could to stay on them and probably even increase your dose over time, I highly doubt your doctor came up with the idea to put you on pills for a long time that were controlled. And you went along with it, and you thought it was a great idea at the time and you never wanted to get pulled off of them. And then the pills became part of you. So then you were addicted to pills. Both physically and mentally.

Again, this might be your reality, but it is far from the reality of many members here on the forum.  You are also making a huge assumption that you know what went on between the doctor and the patient. You may be speaking about your relationship with the doctor but to assert that others have had the same experience is not acceptable. 

 

I'm not judging you one bit, neither is anybody else. Nobody is trying to make you mad. Like with me, I don't want to be addicted to a blood pressure med but I am. I was addicted to water the past couple years when I was working out and I would carry a bottle with me everywhere I went. And then I became addicted to the water itself even when I wasn't working out.

You are judging people. By lumping them all into the same basket, the one you are in, you are judging them. As far as making people mad, if members do not wish to be labeled an 'addict' why do you persist on calling them just that?  Why are you starting a plethora of posts with the same topic?

 

 

Nobody gets mad when somebody tells them that they're addicted to water oh, so why would they get mad about being addicted to a highly addictive medicine? Why do you think the doctor's call it highly addictive? You build a tolerance and it's a controlled medicine. It makes you feel calm. It works similar to alcohol. You can't say it's not addictive.

I don't believe you can become addicted to water.  Drinking water can become compulsive, but that is far different then an addiction.

 

Like look the definition of addiction up, it's where you feel like you need something psychologically and you're depending on it. There's probably a million different descriptions but that pretty much sums it up. I'm not trying to get all technical with Google definitions either. It doesn't matter.

Are you saying that your definition of addict is more accurate then those put forth by experts?  Why should people accept your definition, which is not exact, nor does it go into detail about addiction.

Here is the definition provided by the American Psychiatric Association:

Addiction is a complex condition, a brain disease that is manifested by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequence. People with addiction (severe substance use disorder) have an intense focus on using a certain substance(s), such as alcohol or drugs, to the point that it takes over their life. They keep using alcohol or a drug even when they know it will cause problems.

Few people on the forum fit this description. Most of us did not crave the drug, seek the drug or were focused on the drug so that it took over our lives.  What took over our lives was tolerance and withdrawal, not addiction.

 

 

And yes there's physical dependence, but you can't say it's not addiction. If you say it's not a diction, you're just lying to yourself and everybody else. Everybody is supposed to be honest on here and lots of people are just acting like they don't have problems and everybody else does. I'm so sick of that mentality. I love benzo buddies but can't handle people that think they're better than one another.

You need to speak for yourself, not others.  Only you can say if you are lying to yourself.  In reality, you are insulting members by demeaning their ability to understand what is happening to them by taking benzos.  Where do you read that people think they are better than others, I'm sorry, but this conclusion is simply false.  If you state something that is inflammatory, and you know it is, you can expect to receive some very strongly worded replies by members.

 

 

But I'm not going to have moderators deleting my post when I haven't said anything wrong or broken any of the rules. As for the moderators, you know I'm not breaking the rules and I'm not starting anything on purpose. If other people can say what they want so can I. I think this will help them, not start wars, but help them in the future. Maybe it will help you as well.

Moderators and administrators are here to keep the forum running smoothly and provide a safe and secure place for members. This includes removing or deleting posts that do not comply with forum rules and guidelines or are disruptive and upsetting to members. It is not your place to dictate whether we should or should not delete/remove your posts. 

If you continue to post inflammatory statement that you can not back up with fact, studies, scientific data then yes, it is possible that your post will be removed.  By the way, I was the person who locked the previous thread about addiction.  As I stated on the thread this is not a discussion that will have a good outcome.  Insults and personal attacks become rampant and it is not in the best interest of our membership to allow this to continue.

Do not insult or otherwise attack the team here. Everyone on the team is a volunteer and is here to give back to a place that provided them much support and comfort during one of the most challenging periods of their lives.  Some team members are still in the withdrawal or recovery process but they are here to help.  If you continue in this manner we will take additional steps to prevent such occurrences.  This is not your forum, it is a private forum, you can not dictate policy.

pianogirl

That's great piano girl, you can do whatever you wish because you're a moderator. That comes with your duties as a moderator, deleting things and locking things and editing things and whatever else you do on a day-to-day basis on benzo Buddies. Doesn't really concern me, I have my own private life just like you.

But the problem is now you're insulting me. You're telling me that I don't have any way to backup everything I'm saying but I can, every single bit of it. What part don't you think I can back up with science and medical info?

You keep saying that I'm attacking people and pissing people off, I don't know anybody that I've pissed off other than you and Pamster and Marigold and Florida guy. Other than that, everybody seems to be pretty much on the same page about addiction. Maybe half of them don't like the word and half of them agree with it.

I will tell you what the problem is with your definition from the American Psychiatric association on addiction. Everybody on this website, well let me not say everybody again so that you don't decide to delete me for making false claims, almost everybody on this website, had problems with benzos and continued to use them anyways.

They started to get weird symptoms like GI problems and interdose withdrawal and brain fog oh, well I don't need to keep going about symptoms as we all know them. Everybody wished they could live a normal life without pills but continue to use them. All of these weird symptoms and side effects did not stop. Neither did the monthly Pharmacy visits. Neither did the controlled word. Neither did any of the bad rep that the medicine got, they just continued using it anyways. Was it all because of physical dependence? I don't think so. You would have to ask them.

I think lots of people are reading stuff on this website and because of the reason it states they were not drug addicts and that they were only physically dependent, they are just going with it. Once people start to read something enough, they start to believe it.

Now let me go ahead and state something, so that you don't try to use it against me and just delete me off your website because you're trying to look for anything you can. I don't speak for everybody when I make these post. Neither does anybody else. So don't put me in that category of judging everybody or pissing people off on purpose. There's plenty of people that would agree with me. In fact they already have, go back and read them.

Now as for your doctors, they might not have told you that you're addicted. Maybe it's because they were prescribing them. Did you know that doctors are not supposed to prescribe controlled meds to people with addiction problems? Like the doctor that was prescribing mine last, she didn't say I was addicted. It was my general practitioner that did. However, they didn't say it was a bad thing because they knew it was prescribed.

So piano girl, you can sit around and try to make it look like I'm breaking rules and pissing people off and doing all kinds of crazy stuff just to make people mad and stir up emotions and make withdrawal worse, when that could be farther from the reality. You know dang well, see I can't even use a cuss word, that I'm not doing anything wrong. You just don't like the word.

You are right about it being a private website, I'm just on here saying who has the same symptoms and speaking my mind just like you. You don't have to like me and I don't have to like you. You don't have to like what I talk about, just like I don't like what you talk about. I don't go on your post and tell you I don't like things do I?

Maybe I should go up and down benzo buddies post and look for all of your comments and tell you everything I find wrong in them just like you did with mine. You literally just picked apart my whole entire post and basically got defensive about every single part of it. Even though it doesn't matter. Nobody cares.

And I'm not Manning up about anyting. Now you're just insulting me about that. Are you saying I wasn't a man before that? Are you saying that it's making me better by saying that? That doesn't make any sense. But see I can do the same thing to you, pick everything apart that you say. Doesn't really matter to me. Shouldn't to you either.

So let's get back to the original discussion instead of going head-to-head or Toe toe or however you want to look at it.

If I remember correctly, this was about addiction versus not having an addiction. And just because somebody got offended with the subject title, doesn't mean anything. Means nothing whatsoever literally. I could get mad at somebody else's title also. And I never said I'm speaking for everybody, and those who agree with me on the post understand what the title means.

So let's discuss the addiction thing again. Anybody that took medicine for a psychiatric reason was taking it for psychological purposes. If they could not stop the medicine without problems, that means it was a psychological problem. It also had physical dependence written all over it. Which means with those two things combined, it was addiction. Clear as day, pretty much the actual definition, of addiction. Doesn't matter if it's prescribed or not.

Whether you had a prescription makes no difference whatsoever to whether it's an addiction or not. The only people that I could say with my opinion that were not addicted, is people that took them for non psychiatric reasons and only took them for a couple weeks and suffered for years. There's not that many of those people, but there's still enough. But like I said, I was never calling them out in the first place. Nor was I calling anybody else out, I was just making a post about addiction. So please get off your high horse about being a moderator and being able to delete me or whatever else just because I made a post about addiction like several others in the past. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean anything. Just because you have power on a website doesn't mean anything either. I could just go back to my normal life if that's what you want.

So since you're a moderator of a website, stop being judgmental since that's the whole purpose of this website. And another thing, it's a support group. Why would you go to a support group if you're not addicted? That doesn't make any sense. Like a AA and na, those are support groups but they're in person. But it's the same thing.

Now here's something to consider that I have talked to people in real life about, maybe you never thought about. Did you ever consider the possibility that maybe benzos were so addictive that you were addicted after the first couple days? Let's just think for a second, maybe they were so addictive that it only took a week at the most.

If that's the case, everybody that has ever taken a benzo even if it's just for a day gets addicted. It's possible right? If you're saying it's not possible, you need to back it up with science. Are you telling me that there's not a drug you can get hooked on for just taking it a couple days? Well, how do you know benzos are not that? You don't, so unless you have scientific proof to say that I'm completely wrong, quit telling me I'm wrong.

There's nothing that you can tell me whatsoever that's going to prove me wrong unless you can back it up with science. And I can give you a million other definitions of addiction from reputable sources. Just because you throw one on there from American Psychiatric association doesn't mean anything at all really, that just means that's their definition. What about all the other medical sources?

I guarantee you if you went to another doctor and explained your history, they would tell you the same thing as me. Oh yeah and don't use this quote against me, because it's a figure of speech. When I say I guarantee it, it's a figure of speech so don't try to get all crazy on me.

I think most doctors would probably tell you if you took benzos all day long everyday for years, you would get addicted. If you just randomly walked up to a doctor and said I'm thinking about taking benzos all day every day for a couple years will I get addicted? They would say of course you would get addicted. They would say it's a very addictive medication and you would build a tolerance and you would become dependent on it and you would have a hard time getting off of it. And that's exactly what happened to you. So your prescription doesn't matter one single bit. The reason you took it doesn't matter either. You were addicted most likely. But now that we're getting all technical, I can't state that is a fact. I can't State anything as a fact that I just typed.

So you can go back over my whole entire post, or any of my other ones from my whole entire history, and you can pick them apart all you want, but that's just figuratively speaking and when I say things like I guarantee it, that's a figure of speech. Don't take things so personal and serious. The only thing we are supposed to be doing is helping one another with symptoms and asking if the other person has them and putting some things on here that we wish to. And if you don't like us putting things on here, what is this website for?

Justintime,. ... why? Again?

You said you need to push yourself harder by exercising. Do that instead of open up topic after topic with the same message. Thanks.

Is this a looping thought/OCD/ life review withdrawal symptom?

I can’t read it all it makes my head hurt more just seeing the topic.

My bad. No more trying to cold turkey all my meds at once and no more pissing people off. I will try at least. I can't guarantee it, it's not like I'm a sane person half the time. And yeah, I've had pretty much looping thoughts the entire time the last 10 months.

Pretty much it goes like this, I didn't do anything wrong it's the doctor's fault, this is the worst thing in the world, and everybody screwed me and I'm going to prove them wrong now. That's pretty much the last 10 months summed up.

And unfortunately, after being screwed over by doctors and judges and ending up homeless and in and out of jail and hospital and everything else, I pretty much thought the world was against me so it's not just benzo withdrawal it's more than that. I'm trying though.

If I can get through this, especially the amount that I was prescribed and for the length of time on top of all the other stuff I can't talk about, I can pretty much say for a fact all of you guys can heal 100%.

I know I know, everybody thinks they have a bigger story than the next. But I can assure you, there was a lot of stuff that shouldn't have been done in my life. So I'm working on everything as we speak, just give me a chance.

I'm actually a good person, I guarantee it. I just get really far ahead of myself sometimes and don't care what people think because I've been humiliated so much in life already. I guess that comes with the territory. But I shouldn't be telling other people to accept things that they don't need to.

My bad. No more trying to cold turkey all my meds at once and no more pissing people off. I will try at least. I can't guarantee it, it's not like I'm a sane person half the time. And yeah, I've had pretty much looping thoughts the entire time the last 10 months.

 

Pretty much it goes like this, I didn't do anything wrong it's the doctor's fault, this is the worst thing in the world, and everybody screwed me and I'm going to prove them wrong now. That's pretty much the last 10 months summed up.

 

And unfortunately, after being screwed over by doctors and judges and ending up homeless and in and out of jail and hospital and everything else, I pretty much thought the world was against me so it's not just benzo withdrawal it's more than that. I'm trying though.

 

If I can get through this, especially the amount that I was prescribed and for the length of time on top of all the other stuff I can't talk about, I can pretty much say for a fact all of you guys can heal 100%.

 

I know I know, everybody thinks they have a bigger story than the next. But I can assure you, there was a lot of stuff that shouldn't have been done in my life. So I'm working on everything as we speak, just give me a chance.

 

I'm actually a good person, I guarantee it. I just get really far ahead of myself sometimes and don't care what people think because I've been humiliated so much in life already. I guess that comes with the territory. But I shouldn't be telling other people to accept things that they don't need to.

No problem, it is withdrawal, man.

I hope you will find something to cope in the middle of the storm. It is not black and white, - the world is full of colors. We can be totally crazy one day and the next calm and stable. Maybe this is the insight which has helped me to survive most. To say goodbye from the black-white healthy-nonhelathy thoughts and just starting to live in the midst of it..

Focus on what is helping you to find into a balanced feeling or near to that. This is important, more than words, labels, diagnosis..