Just accept that you're an addict

Edit: I have made changes to this. There's lots of good valid points on this website.

 

Throughout this withdrawal process, now that I'm 10 months in, I ask myself daily am I a drug addict or not? So these are the points that I told myself.

 

For starters, the non drug addict in me, the one that wants to not be labeled a drug addict, tells myself this. The doctor told me I had an anxiety condition at 17 years old and instructed me to take medication for it. So I took the medication as prescribed and sometimes even less. I didn't like the way the medication felt, and I didn't want to have to take anything but felt it was medically necessary. I actually went to detox against my doctor's advice so that I can get off of them a couple years later. And I always had extras left over.

 

As for the drug addict in me, the one that my doctor's and family and everybody is telling me that I am, it's a different story. I had really bad anxiety so I wanted something that would make me feel calm right away, and only benzos did that. I would always go to a good doctor that was willing to prescribe large amounts because I needed large amounts.

 

When I went to the doctor, I would constantly say I have horrible anxiety even if it wasn't that bad, I think I was being my own dramatic worst enemy. I always carry them around in a pill container, even after getting in trouble for it multiple times with the law. I took them everywhere I went. I thought about them all day long everyday because I knew they were in my pocket and if something got bad, I would take one. I didn't take them more than prescribed, but I still took a lot.

 

Later on in life, living in Florida, they diagnosed me with essential tremor, so I no longer went to outpatient therapy or treatment. I just got my pills once every 6 months. So I had endless pills at home and I would make sure I refilled them early every month so that I would have extras. I would stockpile them and I would get happy that I had extras.

 

Later on, I was screwing around all day long in Colorado and smoking medical marijuana and taking my Valium, only to end up homeless. For the longest time, I thought it was everybody else's fault. Looking back, it's my life and I had the choice to take whatever I wanted but ended up on the street. And now I'm going through severe withdrawal.

 

If I had just taken them for a couple weeks like they suggested at the same time every day, and then quit without thinking about it and had really bad symptoms for a long time, I don't think it would be an addiction problem.

 

So this is why I think I'm also a drug addict on top of having a physical dependency at this point, because when I look back at my life, it was really screwed up because of pills. Nobody forced me to take them. I knew that it was the pills messing things up but I couldn't stop anyways. Yes it was because of the horrible withdrawal, but psychologically I needed help to do it.

 

There's many people saying I'm not a drug addict because I took them as prescribed, well lots of people take things as prescribed and end up addicted. I think it's just the bad reputation it gets and that's why people don't like to be called that.

 

So half of me wants to say yes I'm a drug addict and I take responsibility for it, but I still have that other side of me saying hey you didn't do anything wrong it was prescribed and they told you to take it all day everyday for 20 years regardless of ending up on the street and in hospitals and jails and stuff like that.

 

And now that I'm 10 months out, I don't really care if I'm a drug addict or not because it doesn't change my situation or my symptoms or even the way that my doctor looks at me, because she thinks I'm a drug addict in the first place.

 

And then you have the fact where almost everybody thinks you're a drug addict anyways, and if you argue with them, you just look stupid. Like it's almost better just to say yeah I was addicted and I'm having a hard time and maybe they would help you out more.

 

However that can also go wrong, like with my family over the last couple months, when I was facing eviction, they were sitting there calling me a drug addict telling me I needed to go to recovery and I kept saying, I don't have a problem, it was my choice to get off of them and they were prescribed. So they would tell me, I think you do have a problem and we're not paying for a place to live because it's your life and you're a grown-up.

 

Now another thing to consider, I'm getting housing with Trillium the mental health company. And they are telling me recovery is possible from both mental health and substance abuse. So they're not labeling me anything, they're just saying you can recover from either. So basically we have mental health problems temporarily until we get better. It's not meant to be permanent housing. So it doesn't matter which category you're in, they help you anyways.

 

Where the problem is, is with Social Security a few months back. They told me I was not entitled to disability benefits because I might have problems because of substances. That's what the judge said, even though I was prescribed benzos for anxiety condition, he said he thought the medicine contributed to my problems. When clearly I already had the problems and that's why I was taking the medication. That really pissed me off.

 

So there's lots of things to consider, judges telling me I have substance abuse problem, family thinking I'm a drug addict, mostly everybody from the older generation saying I'm a drug addict. The newer generation says well it's prescribed they can't tell you that, almost like it's a court case or something. So if you get really technical, things get really confusing.

 

But in my case, I'm pretty sure I had both physical dependency and an addiction problem. I mean if you're sitting around counting your pills every month towards the end and thinking about them all day and how you feel all the time, and fearing running out again because you might end up homeless again, and always making sure the doctor prescribes as many as possible, you probably have an addiction problem.

 

I guess with benzos and prescribed opiates, if it's prescribed, it's one of those things you don't want to admit that it's benediction, and it's not for everybody, but I don't know anybody that doesn't like them. So maybe people need to stop judging and it wouldn't be such a big deal. Maybe they should just say if it's prescribed it's not a big deal.

 

The problem with prescribed or not, nurses in hospitals don't care if it's prescribed and whenever you go to a new doctor, they don't care if it's prescribed or not either. Each person is going to make their own judgment call.

 

And right now, I have my medical doctor saying it's a brain injury but that I also have an addiction I'm recovering from, so it's both. My pharmacist says well you probably were addicted but it was prescribed and you were taking it correctly so I kept feeling it. My family says well you were probably addicted but it was prescribed for 20 years for a reason, so it's not a big deal. Everything is finally falling into place which is great.

 

But I will always look back at all of this and I will never forget the judge saying that the pills contributed to my mental health even though it was to help it, and I will never forget people judging me during a time when it was all about money and they were using addiction as an excuse not to help.

 

And throughout life, half of the people you talk to are going to say it's a diction and half are going to say the doctors gave you a brain injury. So you might as well just accept whatever people think and go with it. What's it going to hurt? Who cares, you don't have to worry about doctors anymore. But I completely get it, it's not good to be labeled a pill seeker and drug addict. I was even labeled a pill Seeker for asking for my propanolol at the State Hospital.

 

Was I seeking pills? Well technically, yes. I was asking for my prescription and they wrote it in my chart. Was it okay? No it wasn't okay at all. They needed to give me my damn meds. Anyways, moving on, that's my opinion at least.

 

I'm both a recovering prescription drug addict, as well as somebody that's been damaged by doctors and Genentech, because it was their fault. That's why they need to pay for all the damage they did.

Sorry, but I do not think I am an Addict. I would love to read what you wrote, but it is really hard when you do not use paragraphs, most of us here at BB will not be able to read your post and I am sure you want others to read it. I will come back later and see if you changed it. Best to you always in your quest for wellness. 💖 Peace and Healing.

Oh goodie.. This topic again..!!

 

Feel free to label yourself as you please, or as you feel appropriate, -we all walk somewhat different paths and thats fine...

 

In time I think you will see why the “addiction” shoe doesnt fit most people here, and this is why it matters (for a start)..

 

https://www.benzoinfo.com/2016/09/05/dont-harm-them-twice-when-the-language-surrounding-benzodiazepines-adds-insult-to-injury-part-1/

 

In My opinion even the DSM-5 doesnt get it right.. Their definitions of addiction can easily be applied to attempts to mitigate the symptoms of a serious physical dependance and/or tolerance..

 

***

I havnt mentioned it for a while now, so pls indulge me the deviance to a medication that is very similar to benzos for ME...

I got into all sorts of trouble with a serious opiate tolerance, thankfully it showed in my stats post induced coma, but sadly the specialists continued to raise my doses to suit for months on end.. This left me with all the c

Well I was having a really bad wave when I typed my post originally, so first off I made it easier to read by making paragraphs, and secondly I edited my points. Half of me thinks I'm a drug addict and half of me thinks I'm not. It's a fine line because it was prescribed by a doctor and we were told to do it. All I know is it's a mess and the doctor and Genentech needs to pay for it. But I'm not here to offend anybody, I'm just speaking my opinion and kind of venting, half thinking and half typing at the same time.

Well I was having a really bad wave when I typed my post originally, so first off I made it easier to read by making paragraphs, and secondly I edited my points. Half of me thinks I'm a drug addict and half of me thinks I'm not. It's a fine line because it was prescribed by a doctor and we were told to do it. All I know is it's a mess and the doctor and Genentech needs to pay for it. But I'm not here to offend anybody, I'm just speaking my opinion and kind of venting, half thinking and half typing at the same time.

Thanks for making it easier to read.

Well I was having a really bad wave when I typed my post originally, so first off I made it easier to read by making paragraphs, and secondly I edited my points. Half of me thinks I'm a drug addict and half of me thinks I'm not. It's a fine line because it was prescribed by a doctor and we were told to do it. All I know is it's a mess and the doctor and Genentech needs to pay for it. But I'm not here to offend anybody, I'm just speaking my opinion and kind of venting, half thinking and half typing at the same time.

Thus the link I dropped... It might help you clarify things..

 

Dont mind me, like many here, I must have done this topic near 100 times by now..

Hope your edit doesn't throw my reply out too much.. I havnt looked..

That's a very informative article, thank you. I read it and just about confused myself. I was like, I didn't know they get this technical.

 

So I can tell you what they diagnosed me with, the first hospital I went to when I got back from Colorado, they told me I had substance abuse. So I had to get my driver's license back from the state and I lost my gun rights. I had to do one of those licensed therapist DSM-5 substance abuse diagnosis and test and pass it and give them a hundred fifty bucks in order to keep my license.

 

And then when I went to the next Hospital, they told me they were not going to prescribe me anything at all and made me suffer just because it didn't show up in my urine. It was clearly in my system because they gave it to me right before I left the hospital before I got in the sheriff's van.

 

And then the next hospital I went to, they diagnosed me with benzo use disorder. A bunch of other things as well like major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia and PTSD and bipolar. But benzo use disorder was also in there. So they decided cold turkey was appropriate even though it wasn't.

 

So basically I've been treated like crap everywhere I went even though it was prescribed. The doctors at the hospitals basically said well your last doctor was incorrect and prescribing way too much and you don't need to be on the. It was also partially because at the time I was severely depressed and they thought it was contributing and I think they were right.

 

But in the end, does it matter? Well, yes and no. I should not have been treated that way even if I was a drug addict. And I'm not sure if I really am or not, but I do have some addictive traits because I like drugs. But was I trying to get benzodiazepines to get high? No I wasn't. Besides, I had plenty.

 

But that was also a problem, when the doctor and cop, which I don't know why he was part of it anyways, saw that I had 240 tablets every month prescribed by my doctor, they assumed I was selling them.

 

So there's all kinds of things going on in my story. Being accused of being a drug dealer, doctors prescribing ridiculous amounts, taking them for a very long time, ending up homeless, multiple attempts at getting off of them. Legal problems and everything else.

 

But was it all because of the drugs? Well no, I've always had Authority problems. I don't go out and break the law or start fights or anything like that, but I like to speed on motorcycles and let's just say if marijuana wasn't legal it wouldn't matter to me. Things like that. But benzos did make the legal problems worse because I didn't care for the most part while I was on them. I'm surprised I'm not in prison because of some stupid things I used to do, nothing bad really, just illegal.

 

So whenever these doctors ask me about my past and I told them the truth, they automatically thought I was a drug addict although they liked me at the same time. But later on, things took a turn and they stopped liking me and didn't want to prescribe anymore I guess because so many things happened.

 

And it's weird because right now I'm seeing a doctor that works out an office with about five other doctors. It's the same office that prescribed them for a few years oh, and now they're saying I'm recovering from addiction. So even though it was my choice to get off of them, they're saying it's addiction. Maybe they're just covering their tracks who knows.

Just, like so many here, we all have a story, and I am so sorry you have suffered so much. I wish you well and hope that you will find the peace you so deserve, not sure that your fight against a big Drug Company will pan out, but whatever happens, move forward and know that you are a Warrior, just like all of us here. 💖 Peace and Healing always.

Maybe you are one of the few people who were or are actually addicted AND dependent on benzos, but that's no excuse to saddle everyone else with the same label.

 

The fact is that labels dictate treatment, and by obfuscating the very real difference between addiction and dependence you are advocating for the future mistreatment of benzo patients. You could very well be signing someone's death warrant.

 

Yea, it's that serious. By perpetuating the myth that anyone who has a "problem" with benzos is a drug addict you are reinforcing the misconceptions that drive the detox industry. If you have been here for more than a couple of weeks you don't have any excuse for not knowing what the dire consequences of detoxing someone from benzos can be.

 

 

Florida guy, I have been detox cold turkey quite a few times so I'm well aware of it. I don't think anybody deserves to be pulled off cold turkey in the first place, whether they're an addict or not. I think everybody deserves equal treatment, whether they took them prescribed or didn't have a prescription at all. Even people that take heroin and opiates, they deserve good treatment as well. It's not like they're bad people just because they do a drug. So doctors need to slowly taper patients whether they are drug addicts or not.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=183525.0

 

14 pages of discussion re this with many opinions here to read in the link above

 

I hope we all regardless of opinions/labels improve with time ,

acceptance,  patience

and listening to our own bodies now, trusting ourselves

and doing what helps us all

to heal  Good luck to everyone. Stay strong. 

 

Wow    just noticed  6 years  on my ticker today.     

Sky blue, I agree. Hopefully soon we will heal. I have a question, how many years did it take until you felt normal? I know somebody that has been off of them about as long as you, in real life. They still have problems from time to time and lots of bad memories.

Maybe you are one of the few people who were or are actually addicted AND dependent on benzos, but that's no excuse to saddle everyone else with the same label.

 

The fact is that labels dictate treatment, and by obfuscating the very real difference between addiction and dependence you are advocating for the future mistreatment of benzo patients. You could very well be signing someone's death warrant.

 

Yea, it's that serious. By perpetuating the myth that anyone who has a "problem" with benzos is a drug addict you are reinforcing the misconceptions that drive the detox industry. If you have been here for more than a couple of weeks you don't have any excuse for not knowing what the dire consequences of detoxing someone from benzos can be.

 

Totally right.

I also dont undrstand why topics need to have titles like that one, written to provoke .. if that is helpful for some to call themselves addicts, so be it. I never was and never will be an addict.

Sky blue, I agree. Hopefully soon we will heal. I have a question, how many years did it take until you felt normal? I know somebody that has been off of them about as long as you, in real life. They still have problems from time to time and lots of bad memories.

 

Hmmmm  what is normal? :laugh: 

 

I actually think it takes quite some time

to accept a new normal, adjust and move on. 

 

I still have some problems and I try hard not to focus on them

however

accepting them as more minor  now which they are now

much less intolerable, maybe I adjusted to them also,

however this  helps  me adjust more to my life now.

 

Thats all we have now our own life,

so we need to make the best of it as we can individually

as we adjust.

 

this is slow process depending on where and how the drugs

have damaged the receptors

which can take us all very different times to heal

and it take patience and acceptance.

 

When I first got off and for a few years I believed I wouldnt take

as long as some people, (ouch)

even then their posts seem abnormal, 

 

and  I tried so many shortcuts that  I thought

would help, ( often read on here )

researched way to much,

tried so many supplements etc etc,

listen to  way to many other people

whom were very different from me in so many ways

one size does not fit all sadly  :'(

and  I even  tried to avoid acceptance   

 

it is what it is    I had to learn the hard way

and my body was wiser than my so called intellect 

so I have had to learn to listen to my own body now.

 

We are all  very different,

and comparing ourselves with others does not help ever

comparing apples with oranges it often seems like

they are so different as are we.

 

Now I attempt new things,

which were never possible even on the benzos,

and adjust to the new ways .

 

  I do think the drugs created what we felt was "normal"

( better it seemed but an illusion we find now with a price to pay sadly :'( ..)

yet now I see that it was far from normal. 

 

  We adjusted to the drugs back then,

now we have to find our own new normal,

whatever that is now

without hankering after our old ways.(old pseudo normal)

and that will have its problems also as we adjust. 

 

our bodies are amazing things and can heal it  if we but let it

without complicating things.

 

Let go of all the bad memories and move forward

a new you again, healing as we go

 

It takes courage to attempt this

so use this courage wisely

 

Good luck

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=183525.0

 

14 pages of discussion re this with many opinions here to read in the link above

 

I hope we all regardless of opinions/labels improve with time ,

acceptance,  patience

and listening to our own bodies now, trusting ourselves

and doing what helps us all

to heal  Good luck to everyone. Stay strong. 

 

Wow    just noticed  6 years  on my ticker today.     

 

Congratulations Skyblue, that's great!!  I am so jealous  .  :balloon:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=183525.0

 

14 pages of discussion re this with many opinions here to read in the link above

 

I hope we all regardless of opinions/labels improve with time ,

acceptance,  patience

and listening to our own bodies now, trusting ourselves

and doing what helps us all

to heal  Good luck to everyone. Stay strong. 

 

Wow    just noticed  6 years  on my ticker today.     

 

Congratulations Skyblue, that's great!!  I am so jealous  .  :balloon:

 

thanks Mary.    dont be jealous,  :laugh:

your turn will come hopefully sooner than mine.   

 

One day at a time will bring success eventually 

Annnnnnd....there we have it. We should lump everyone in the same category so people who use drugs illegally shouldn't have to feel bad about themselves.

 

Florida guy, I have been detox cold turkey quite a few times so I'm well aware of it. I don't think anybody deserves to be pulled off cold turkey in the first place, whether they're an addict or not.

 

There is a reason why people are taken off most other drugs quickly, it's because you aren't going to die from it, it isn't likely to set you up for the possibility of years of debilitating health issues, and when you are TRULY addicted to something your biggest obstacle to regaining your health is keeping the substance out of your body. None of this applies to benzos for most people.

 

Marigold and Florida guy, I didn't write anything to provoke anybody. It's a discussion just like every other one. Some people take great offense to that word, addict. You guys even seem to think you're better than drug addicts. Did you ever think for a second that maybe all these other drug addicts in the world have mental health conditions and just didn't go to a doctor?

 

For example, I looked at your signature. What if somebody just never went to the doctor but was taking medicine for the exact same reason as you? Just because it's illegal, does that mean they are a drug addict and you are not?

 

Maybe they live in a rural area and their doctor is against controlled meds. Or perhaps they got hurt and their parents had opiates for them and they never needed to go to the doctor. Does that mean it's wrong?

 

Or perhaps they got cut off cold turkey on their prescribed benzos, and couldn't handle it, nor should they, so they started taking them from their friend instead. Is that wrong?

 

Or let's look at the hundreds of thousands of people that get injured and get prescriptions for opiates, and then get cut off of those cold turkey. Maybe they switch to Suboxone or methadone because it gives them pain relief and that way they don't have to deal with withdrawal, why should they? If they don't have to, there's no need to.

 

Now let's think, if there was a maintenance drug for benzos, like there is for opiates, wouldn't you take it? I'm sure you probably might say no, because you're not an addict, but it might help and you might not have to go through symptoms if you don't need to. You would be able to work and function normally just like you put it on them, or as close to normal as possible at least.

 

And then you have the people doing illegal street drugs, are you saying you're better than them and you never have been like them and you never will be? Do you think they thought they were going to be? And never say never, you don't know your future. And I highly doubt you're better than these people.

 

In my opinion, everybody is equal and some people make bad choices but that doesn't Define them as a person. Maybe they got right, maybe they lost a parent at an early age. Maybe they grew up in the ghetto. There's all kinds of different scenarios I could bring up, most likely they are self-medicating. Is a street drug any worse than a psychiatric drug?

 

You just talked about how they don't have to go through years of hardship like us. What do you think they're doing right now? Do you think they like the taste and feeling of all that stuff? If you do, you are incorrect.

 

The reason I am defending these people, is because you are talking down on them. I'm still not sure if I am one or not, but I'm not going to let a label Define me or who I am. You're sitting there talking about getting attacked from a label on benzo Buddies. Nobody attacked you or provoked you.

 

There's drug addicts in every social class. I grew up in an area in the Appalachian Mountains where there are Elite on one side of the road and poor on the other side of the road. I can honestly say some of the better people are in the low income social class.

 

Or how about this, I come from a family that does pretty well, but I ended up homeless in Denver Colorado. Does that mean that you will never be like me? Well, we are on the same web page aren't we? You are looking for support just like me. How are you any different?

 

And now that you say you have never been a drug addicts and you never will be, how was my medicine prescribed any differently than yours? Maybe I was prescribed more and I'm going through a much harder time than you. Or maybe we were prescribed roughly the same amount, which would mean you're denying being an addict and I'm not.

 

Maybe neither of us are drug addicts, and maybe both of us are. But I'm pretty sure we were both prescribes benzos for the same kind of reasons. I'm not sure why you think you're better then a lot of people in the world.

 

Now back to the title, I am not provoking anything. All I said was just accept that you're an addict. Originally the post was about how it's better just to accept the label, because the doctor is going to have the same impression and keep it regardless.

 

You can sit there and argue with whoever you want all day long, and it's not going to get you anywhere. Just accept what you are and get better and move on. That's what the original post was about. And if I am a drug addict, I feel like I have more freedom because I don't let things affect me like that.

 

As for the people that are completely drug addicts and stuck on the street or in a homeless shelter or living in fear or poverty and can't get off their drugs, give them a break. They're already going through a hard enough time I guarantee it. A lot of these people have been through far more than you will ever go through in your whole life. Give them some respect. A drug does not define them.

 

Another thing you might want to consider, whenever you think that you've been through a lot and that your benzo withdrawal is hard, think about the fact that a lot of these drug addicts went through ten times more and a harder time than you ever will. Because they took a lot more and they didn't care what the doctors had to say and they had to deal with it just like us. For years and years.

 

Another thing you might not know, a lot of the people you talk to on benzo buddies, might actually be drug addicts that took tons that were not prescribed or maybe even took a lot more than they were supposed to for a long time, and they're just telling you what they took and you're believing it. You don't know anybody's true story.

 

Now before you get mad or try to argue with me about what I'm typing right now, I'm not attacking you and I'm not provoking you, I'm just giving you food for thought. I've been through a lot in life and I've met tons of good people, both addicts and non drug addicts. Elite and low income. Everything in between, all colors and races and genders and sexual orientations and whatever else you can imagine.

 

But just imagine if people didn't judge like the way you are right now, and nobody cared if anybody was a drug addict or not and treated them equally. Maybe you wouldn't get so upset about this post. Nobody would care which side you're on.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=183525.0

 

14 pages of discussion re this with many opinions here to read in the link above

 

I hope we all regardless of opinions/labels improve with time ,

acceptance,  patience

and listening to our own bodies now, trusting ourselves

and doing what helps us all

to heal  Good luck to everyone. Stay strong. 

 

Wow    just noticed  6 years  on my ticker today.     

 

Congratulations Skyblue, that's great!!  I am so jealous  .  :balloon:

 

thanks Mary.    dont be jealous,  :laugh:

your turn will come hopefully sooner than mine.   

 

One day at a time will bring success eventually 

 

Thanks 

Marigold and Florida guy, I didn't write anything to provoke anybody. It's a discussion just like every other one. Some people take great offense to that word, addict. You guys even seem to think you're better than drug addicts. Did you ever think for a second that maybe all these other drug addicts in the world have mental health conditions and just didn't go to a doctor?

 

These discussions are often pointless. Why? Because the person who starts these kind of posts inevitably goes off on rants accusing people of saying things that were never said or even worse yet, the poster goes off on rants about things completely unrelated, such as wealth inequality.

 

 

.

In maybe my first 2 years post CT, I resisted like hell thinking of myself as "an addict." Maybe because I was born in 1950 and grew up hearing about "those dreadful, dangerous heroin addicts?" Dont know. But I fought and fought with the entire thought I was an addict.

Later down the road, I slowly began to realize that indeed, I WAS addicted to benzos. I was also addicted to nicotine. I look back and see a pattern of addictions, including alcohol. And, YES, benzos.

No, I wasnt out on the street trying to find a drug dealer to sell me benzos. I had a willing psych doc who wrote my scrips for 12 years. He also put me on SSRIs, which only made things worse.

When I first joined BB back in 2012, I was adamantly denying I was "an addict." Time would teach me a bit.

YES. I WAS addicted to benzos. This was both a psychological addiction AND a physical one. And finally, I had to admit that this was the truth. Accept it, forgive myself, and move on from this. My goal back then was to heal from benzos and SSRIs. And I did, but it took a long time.

Addiction, in our Society, has such negative connotations. We think of street people who are desperate for their drug of choice. So desperate they commit crimes to GET  their drug. But here on BB, those sorts of people are far and few between. In fact, in 8 years on BB I have only read maybe 3 posts from someone like this, a person who bought their benzos on the street and ended up in a mess.

 

What finally got to me was just accepting that I had a PHYSICAL and MENTAL addiction to benzos, just as I was addicted to cigarettes, alcohol and benzos.

This does not mean I am a bad person. Flawed, yes. I know WHY I am like this and have worked hard to deal with those why's.

Most people on BB will deal with this issue in one way or another.

Can we try to hep each other with these issues, and not provoke fights or arguuments?

east

Well said, the point of these discussions is not to invoke anybody or provoke, whichever one it is. Like addiction, or non addiction, whatever. All I know is I look at everything. Everything points to the fact that yes we are addicts. Doctors don't just call us addicts for no reason.

 

And I will explain why I think now after almost 10 months off of them cold turkey, this is why I think I'm an addict, and no I'm not talking about a street addict shooting heroin and stealing stuff from people to get my drugs. I'm just talkin about a prescription addict.

 

Also, this is not everybody, however is a good majority. We started taking benzos to make us feel better. Most of us had anxiety so we took benzos as an anti-anxiety medicine so that we would be nice and calm. It felt great, getting rid of anxiety is a wonderful thing.

 

Nobody ever said you have to have intense euphoria that you're nodding off like heroin in order to be an addict. Some people are addicted to water or sex or gambling or working out and there's others that are addicted to alcohol, which is pretty much the same thing.

 

And before benzos, don't forget about barbiturates. People used to get addicted to barbiturates, and they're very similar to benzos. People like how they make them calm. And yes there's a lot of people that like uppers, speed freaks.

 

Anyways I'm off track, what I'm trying to say is we liked the way benzos made us feel otherwise we would not have kept taking them. So it doesn't matter if it was prescribed or not, it's the same drug regardless. That's why I put that as my signature. It does not matter one single bit if it's prescribed or not, or how much is prescribed or anything else for that matter. It's the exact same drug. Unless it's from a pill press, you're getting the same thing.

 

So now let's compare somebody that doesn't have a prescription to somebody that does. Most likely the person with the prescription takes more everyday and more frequently throughout the day because it's more readily available. Your drug dealer is the pharmacy. You give them the money they give you the pills.

 

Now maybe the person without a prescription goes to their friend and the friend is trying to help them out with their anxiety, that's just the same as going to a doctor oh, they are both people aren't they?

 

So now you have somebody with a prescription taking way more than the person that doesn't have the prescription. Over time, these two people are taking them for the same amount of time, only the person with the prescription has taken way more. Now that person with the prescription thinks they don't have an addiction problem and only people that don't have prescriptions do.

 

The person without the prescription, maybe they just got into trouble for having them when they shouldn't and went to prison and got out and said they're in recovery. So they're considered a drug addict because they were using something they weren't supposed to and now they're in recovery going to groups with drug addicts. But they're doing good.

 

Now don't forget about the person with the prescription, they are taking them still to this day, and claiming they don't have an addiction problem because it's prescribed. And all of a sudden, their doctor finds out they're horrible for you so wants to get the person off of the meds. Now it's time for the person with the prescription to suffer just like the person that went to prison.

 

So now, the doctor has taken the person with the prescription off of their meds and this person is going through horrible withdrawal and gets on benzo Buddies and claims they're not a drug addict just because they had a prescription and it was for mental health. Or whatever other reason, doesn't much matter.

 

So now you have the person from prison, the ex-con that's a drug addict in recovery, telling the person that just got pulled off their meds by the doctor, that they are in the same boat and they went through the exact same thing and they can help you out.

 

And now, you tell the person that went to prison, I'm not a drug addict and I never have been and never will be. They might look at you like you're crazy as if what you take is any different than what they took. Basically you guys took the same drug and you're going through the same withdrawal. Only difference is, you think you're better than the ex-con.

 

See where I'm going with this? You can't judge somebody else for taking the exact same thing, just because it wasn't prescribed. It's the exact same thing regardless. Maybe the ex-con had the exact same reason for taking them that you do prescribed by a doctor. And yes income does play a huge role. Look at the statistics of drugs and wealth.

 

Of course this is all hypothetical, but also now that I put it that way, does it matter if you're a drug addict or not? One person is not any dirtier than the other and they both swallowed the exact same pills with the same imprint and they're the same color and everything.

 

But you know what's crazy about this hypothetical Story? The person that went to prison is doing great and they've been in recovery for a long time, and they've got a lot of good tips on how to get through everything and get on with life. But the person that had the prescription, they are stuck in withdrawal. They are sitting there claiming they don't have an addiction problem and they have severe withdrawal and they're acting like they're better than everybody.

 

anyways, as far as me, I was drinking a lot of beer and smoking a lot of pot when I was a teenager and I was getting the shakes and I had bad anxiety at school. So I started taking Xanax off the street, like a drug addict and it wasn't prescribed nor do I care. I went to my psychiatrist and told him what was going on.

 

So the psychiatrist, AKA drug dealer, told me I had generalized anxiety disorder and put me on valium. So at first it was a street drug, and now it's prescribed. So it's the exact same thing, just from a doctor. So I took them as prescribed for 20 years, but not the entire time. Before that it was a street drug. That's why I say yes I'm a drug addict as well.

 

Another reason I say that I'm a drug addict, is the most important fact of everything in my life. I have been to the hospital five or six different times to get off benzos and did not stay off of them even though I wanted to be off of them. Did physical dependence play A Part? Of course. However, the psychological part kept me on them. Otherwise I would have been off of them at 21 years old and stayed off of them. And anybody that has been to a hospital to get off of them, it was because they couldn't do it themselves, meaning psychologically. Which means they were probably addicted. Otherwise they would have done it themselves.

 

But if you don't feel like having a stupid label as if it matters or makes you a better person, just keep claiming that you were not addicted and that everybody else is, just not yourself. And keep believing that everybody else is worse than yourself. You never have been a drug addict and you never will be. Let's see if that helps you in life.

See where I'm going with this? You can't judge somebody else for taking the exact same thing, just because it wasn't prescribed. It's the exact same thing regardless. Maybe the ex-con had the exact same reason for taking them that you do prescribed by a doctor. And yes income does play a huge role. Look at the statistics of drugs and wealth.

 

The only one who is being judgmental is you.

 

No one is telling you that you aren't an addict, but you come here and tell everyone else that they need to accept that they are an addict.

 

You are already off the drug so it doesn't mean a damn thing to you, but this could be the difference between life and death for someone who is still on benzos. 

In my years here on the team I've seen many threads with this topic fall into unfriendly and disrespectful arguments.  This is not a subject that lends itself to reasonable discussion, too many people are triggered by the word 'addict', for good reason.

 

I see no purpose in the continuation of this discussion and will be locking the thread. 

 

pianogirl