ADHD Stimulants and Benzo Withdrawals

Hello! I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was six-- rare for a girl, I hear, to be diagnosed so young-- and I have been on stimulants for just as long. I am now on my second withdrawal attempt-- four months in-- of clonazapam, which I have been on since I was sixteen, seven years ago. This second time around, the thing I noticed the most was the intensity of my anxiety-- well, actually, it was other things, like intense confusion and feeling like I was going to throw up or pass out-- and this was, specifically, after I took my Vyvanse, which I have a really nice prescription of where I can take either twenty mg or forty mg due to a bottle of sixty instead of thirty. However, I have been incapable of taking 40 mg as it just increases my anxiety so much and there have been some days where I cannot take it at all or can only take it when I take it with weed. These are usually my better days. Knock on wood that these weed-filled days continue being better. There is also evidence that weed is actually more of an exit drug than a gateway drug and can help with withdrawal symptoms even if things like Vyvanse make the symptoms worse in some ways. I will not be getting off stimulants anytime in the near future though as I do plan on going to graduate school and I will probably have to go to an inpatient rehab program to get off of stimulants-- preferably a pro-weed rehab program.

Are we allowed to talk about our successes with cannabis on here, that flower of so many names and uses? I hope so.

Has anyone else had trouble transitioning to this sudden loss of balance-- of having only stimulant and then nothing to take me down, calm me back, allow me to sleep and be calm again?

It is very distressing how much drugs have shaped my life. Like I did not choose to be on any of these medicines. I was made to be addicted to these things while I was still a child. My Mommy feels really upset that she did not do enough research because the doctors kept telling her these things were good for me, that they would make me better, more manageable. I do not blame her. I blame the doctors. Am I allowed to talk about blame on here? I am not sure. I am really bad at following directions and remembering long list of rules. Rules that I make up for myself or that stick with me or things like obscure superstitions from the other side of the world, yes, I will remember these things and internalize them. However, long lists of things that I am supposed to do. Nope.