Discovered I'm phobic about not sleeping!! ...

Hi BB,

Now that I'm down to only a bedtime dose of Klonopin, I discovered something about myself that is so obvious but I somehow missed it.  I'm phobic about not sleeping at night.  Duh!  I don't know why I only just saw this.  Oh, I know how ... I've been using Klonopin for more than 20 years and a large part of the reason was for sleep!!

Letting go of Klonopin in the daytime was challenging but not impossible but letting go of that bedtime dose ... another matter.  Not sure how I am going to use this new information but if anyone can relate, please share.

Best,

Kate 

Hi!

Because my sleep was horrifically disrupted for a year, but then made worse by benzo tolerance, I was so afraid of bedtime after jumping still bc for me I was afraid of complete insomnia ..." how the heck will I function the next day?". Amazingly, the initial insomnia is what fixed my anxiety about sleep. Because after experiencing insomnia in WD, I realized I DID function the next day. Not great, but better than I thought I would. It taught me to say, "SO WHAT if I don't sleep?" The thing I feared happened - and I lived. And for me, sleep did eventually improve.

I'm not totally where I want to be in the sleep department BUT IT IS WAY BETTER! The best it has been in over a year!! So good that I barely even use melatonin anymore. I sleep without taking anything! Sometimes I wake, but I'm able to go back to sleep. some morning I have the early am cortisol surge - but that too has lessened. My dreams are vivid, but I used to get horrific nightmares (thanks Ativan...).

You got this!!

Hi!

 

Because my sleep was horrifically disrupted for a year, but then made worse by benzo tolerance, I was so afraid of bedtime after jumping still bc for me I was afraid of complete insomnia ..." how the heck will I function the next day?". Amazingly, the initial insomnia is what fixed my anxiety about sleep. Because after experiencing insomnia in WD, I realized I DID function the next day. Not great, but better than I thought I would. It taught me to say, "SO WHAT if I don't sleep?" The thing I feared happened - and I lived. And for me, sleep did eventually improve.

 

I'm not totally where I want to be in the sleep department BUT IT IS WAY BETTER! The best it has been in over a year!! So good that I barely even use melatonin anymore. I sleep without taking anything! Sometimes I wake, but I'm able to go back to sleep. some morning I have the early am cortisol surge - but that too has lessened. My dreams are vivid, but I used to get horrific nightmares (thanks Ativan...).

 

You got this!!

Thanks Trina.  Your story is very encouraging.  So glad you are doing well!!

Best,

Kate 

Totally normal:-)

The truth it that you can function well with hardly any sleep when you are out of withdrawal. Sleep is such a big topic to us in withdrawal. As soon as you can let go the idea that you will go crazy without sleep, the better you will feel. This comes with time. Just laying there with your eyes closed and trying to relax helps as well. I had problems with sleep for so long, now my sleep is fine, I remember my dreams and so on... and from time to time I might get less sleep, but I dont freak out any more. It was withdrawal which made me so crazy about sleep.

You have developed "psychological" dependence on the Benzo too.  It's pretty common as others have said.  I did the same thing.  I started taking Benzos for sleep and then didn't know how I could sleep without reaching for a Benzo.  I happened to take K-pin too along with Xanax, Temazepam and Valium.  Fast forward almost 4 years and my sleep is 100x better and has been for a few years now.  Sure I still get hit with an off night here and there, but it doesn't affect me at all.

You can function on very little sleep until it evens out and returns.  Lack of sleep will not kill you.  Your body knows how to sleep, you just need to get off of the K-pin and let your body/brain sort things out.  I am not going to lie, it won't be easy, but you can do it.  I did and so did many, many others.  Getting natural sleep back is so worth it.   

Thank you Marigold and Theway!  Both of you made excellent points and have good recommendations.  I think accepting the sleep issue (and any lack thereof!) is my next order of business!

Best,

Kate. 👍

Thank you Marigold and Theway!  Both of you made excellent points and have good recommendations.  I think accepting the sleep issue (and any lack thereof!) is my next order of business!

 

Best,

 

Kate. 👍

You are welcome. I did so many things in the nights I could not sleep. Spent so much time here on the board, laundry, dishes, cleaning, writing, watching stupid shows on TV... and I changed the rooms I slept in  (or did not sleep in) and the position of the bed and sofa... omg.. these were funny years.

But today insomnia, when I have it which is really not much often and only when I am stressed out completely - well, it does not feel like in withdrawal any more. This chemical need for sleep is gone. Its annoying, I am in a bad mood the next day and maybe a bit grumpy.. but I am okey.

Thanks again Marigold.  I don't know what I would do without you good people here at BB!

Best,

Kate 

Thanks again Marigold.  I don't know what I would do without you good people here at BB!

 

Best,

 

Kate