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Important message for all of you!


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Hello dear buddies!

I want to share my updated story with you... its important for me to share this and also for you to read it. I hope, these words can support you and give you hope.

2 years ago, I was in hospital, in rapid 2 weeks detox (sorry for my english..i hope you will understand:))

After 8 months of taking clonazepam 0,7mg daliy, my body started to react paradoxically and i felt terribly sick and anxious with, and also without benzos. So my last chance was rapid detox. I tried tappering slowly, but paradoxial reactions were getting worse, so i had to call ambulance and put myself to hands of doctors. Proces of rapid detox was hard...i got phenobarbital substitution for 2 weeks.... then after 4 nights of no sleep at all... they put me on Tisercin (antipsychotic drug that doesnt cause addiction but its very strong). I finally slept a bit...Then I was living in nightmare of withdrawal for 6 months.. (terrible anxiety, depression, permanent feeling that i "want to die".. headaches, fatique mixed with agitation, insomnia, low blood preassure, cold feaver...etc).

Next month i found out that I was pregnant, so hormonal changes were caused next strange feelings. I had to get tisercin off...because of my baby.

I slowly started to feel better and better. Pregnancy, then labor.. then care of newborn baby distracted me from symptoms. I needed and still need antidepressants Venlafaxine, because of danger of baby blues and post partum depression. But i felt freedom after long long time. Baby was reason I survived this... and baby was reason my husband stayed with me. He was so tired because of my "neverending" withdrawal condition. (8 months of my own tries of withdraw.. then detox, then symptoms...)

 

Today its been 2 years I am off benzos. I am healthy, happy mother with healthy happy baby and husband. I eat healthy vegetarian food... excercise when I want (not press myself, just when i feel, i excercise, or rest). I pray and meditate.. and now i can see very clearly, WHY this "hell" was so important to go through..

 

we are children of God. We are loved and held by universal love... our planet falled into duality ages ago and human beings forgot their essence. Part of humanity decided to help planet to rise up and return to home...nonduality - real energy of Oneness. This was very very difficult challenge...

One of our incarnation carries this experience with this kind of "helplessness". In darkest place of our depression, we light spark of hope up.

This is huge transformation... huge spiritual process.

you all help this transformation...

you all are very important.

maybe my words sound strange to you.

BUT I HAD TO TELL YOU THIS.

YOUR SOULS HEAR CLEARLY... even if your mind does not understand.

 

you all will recover. 

i pray for you. I thank all of you, because you carry this burden on your shoulders...you are so brave... so powerful souls...

 

thank you with all my respect.

 

El Achai.

you will handle this and return to life fully awakened. :smitten:

 

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[d7...]

Bless LuKu for sharing your encouraging story.  So good you've found a good and happy life after benzos. 

 

Best,

 

Kate  :smitten:

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Congratulations to you on many levels, your baby, your marriage and your healing from benzo withdrawal. Thank you so much for posting this message of hope.

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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Luku,

 

very inspiring post. Thank you.

"YOUR SOULS HEAR CLEARLY... even if your mind does not understand." That really resonated with me.

May your world continue with light & love.

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Hi dear precious souls,

as V.E. Frankl (psychiatrist who survived holocaust) said: "We can not see meaning in the suffering. But we can see it after that."

There is very important meaning of your situation on many levels. Everybody will see own special purpose of this hard condition... maybe suddenly... maybe step by step in time...

I can only tell you what i saw in my story. Maybe some of you will feel something similar.

 

On material level i saw that my body needed much more sun and vegetarian food. It feels much better then. I also stopped to try put off all antidepressants, because after 7 times i tried it..i was fed up with that horrible circle of returning depression. Last try ended with benzo hell... so i finally accepted that my brain needs this kind of help. (yes.. i tried psychotherapy , was in process 5 years..my life became much much better, but i still needed AD, cause condition was endogenic).

This acceptance was such a release! My ego mind stopped to interfere... i let my karma work and surrended to God..

 

On psychological level my personality changed also very deeply. I stopped judging myself and others. Nobody knows what kind of suffering is hidden in ones behaviour. I stopped blaming myself as weak person who needed drugs. I need AD.. so what? I can live and feel joy and care..even with AD. I got this to higher hands...God knows why... my mind just imaginated what is right and what is wrong. This mental programme "AD are wrong, every doctor is just prescription machine..." i ended on benzos, so... i had to see that doctors also can save my life. If i didnt get to detox centre.. i would be dead I am sure. So acceptance concrete conditions in life..was very releasing too.

 

On spiritual level... i saw clearly meaning that is hard to describe with human words. I wrote it before...

you all are brave souls that took this burden on your shoulders, because you are transforming darkness to light. you bring hope and prayers to darkest lack of love (depression is primary cuased by lack of love). look.. we all describe this experience as benzo hell. Hell is darkest place. .. and in the bottom of this abyss.. we need to surrend to God... Budha...Jesus...Shiva.. doesnt matter who.. but Its Spirit that knows better what we need.

When I was in India and met enlightened masters.. i asked: why this torture in life?

Answer was: "It may be karma.. then you need to ask for grace."

                  "It is lesson, that you have to understand.. step out of the way and let Spirit heal you. Dont interfere with your mind.. you always fight with life. let it be.. accept what there is.. When Spirit is not blocked by your thoughts...grace will enter."

 

On social level this experiences gave me meaning at my work.

I was teacher at university. But I didnt like science at all. Research and research and research.. it seemed like searching for dead information. I needed work with living energy.

So I studied psychotherapy and now I work with people who are in such an experience as I was (depression, anxiety, panic attack..etc).. so i can deeply understand them. After benzo hell my work is much more truthful, because i feel depth of clients suffering. I started to see person as total individual being and see her or him as concrete person in concrete condition. what is helpful for one.. can be devastating for other. Its necessary to carefully listen to CONCRETE story of CONCRETE person.

 

Dear souls.. i wish you soon recover and also i wish you appearance of meaning.

 

An Anasha

El Achai

OSAM

 

LuKu

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you so much for your post. A lot of the success stories you read on here, people seem to be very anti Antidepressants and talk about life being so much better completely drug-free. I’m really glad for them if it is but as someone on an AD it can sometimes make me feel like I can’t be well or my true-self whilst I remain on one. I have been on one for 25 years and and tried to come off twice. Like you, my last time ended up with me becoming physically dependent on benzos and now having to go through horrible withdrawal. Also like you, I use my AD as just one of the tools in my toolbox to make myself well. Most of the time, I’m happy to accept the fact that I need to be on an AD but can sometimes get disheartened and start to doubt myself when I read the success stories I mentioned above. So thank you for giving me my faith back in myself and that once I’m off Valium, I will be able to be happy and healed whilst continuing to take an AD.

 

I’m so glad for you that you have recovered and think the people you work with are very lucky to have such a caring, empathetic and understanding soul to help them. ❤️

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Dear one, you are absolutely right. There is no one scenario for everybody. If you can live only with AD, so take them and live! Some people told me that my life with AD is just an illusion...

But i feel that the biggest illusion in my life was an idea that i didnt need any medical help. Lesson i had to go throught was so hard, but i finally accepted simple truth: every body is different... Every story is different... And we need to accept reality. If i can survive only with AD... So thats my story.

I am happy we are benzos free and can live and feel love and joy. 🙂🙏

Wish you all the best! 🌷

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Thank you, again. Sorry it took me so long to reply, I only now just worked out how to see your message. Benzo brain!
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