Need advice for planning the rest of a Xanax taper

Hi everyone,

I was heavily addicted to Xanax from around June of 2015 to June of 2019, so about 4 years. I started off using a script (0.5mg - 1mg per day, PRN) but began buying Xanax off the streets at the end of 2015, and increased my dose. I estimate in 2015 from June on I used an average of 1mg/day. From 2016 to June of 2019, I estimate I was using about 3-4mg of Xanax per day.

I got my doc to switch my script to Valium 10mg/day starting in 2017, which allowed me to quit Xanax for a few months, but then I went back to buying it off the streets after that. So from 2017 to June of 2019 I was using 2-3mg of Xanax per day, and 10mg of Valium per day, concurrently.

In June of 2019 I CT'd the Xanax, and just used Valium 10mg/day. I lost my insurance and my doc so it was really hard to find anyone willing to help me with my taper. They would only give me temporary scripts and tell me to go away. One of them just gave me a small Ativan script, which was really stupid. So I had to temporarily stop my Valium taper and ordered Etizolam from the Internet, and used about 1mg/day for a couple months (around September through October).

I finally found a psychiatrist who was willing to help me with the taper, so no more etizolam. In December of 2019, I switched to Valium 5mg/day. I stayed on that dose until March of 2020, where I reduced it to 2mg/day.

I've been on Valium 2mg/day for March & April. I'm due to see my psych at the end of the month, for my refill for May. We are not really using a plan, we are just playing things by ear. She pretty much told me that she was okay with things as long as I was decreasing my dosage at the end of the day.

I'm not sure how to end my taper from here. The taper has lasted 10 months so far, but it was a 4 year-long addiction. My plan was to get the 2mg script for May and June, but cut them in half and use 1mg/day for May, and then 1mg every other day for June, then completely quit.

The withdrawals were extremely horrible in the beginning. I pretty much had a psychotic break for a few months in the summer after quitting, as well as extreme anxiety and vivid nightmares/night terrors. No seizures though. Things are a lot better now, anxiety is present but bearable.

How should I proceed from here? I'll put a summary/TL;DR table below.

6/2015 - 12/2015: 1mg/day of Xanax

1/2016 - 12/2016: 2-3mg/day of Xanax

1/2017 - 12/2017: 2-3mg/day of Xanax + 10mg/day of Valium

1/2018 - 12/2018: 2-3mg/day of Xanax + 10mg/day of Valium

1/2019 - 6/2019: 2-3mg/day of Xanax + 10mg/day of Valium

6/2019 - 11/2019: 10mg/day of Valium

12/2019 - 2/2020: 5mg/day of Valium

3/2020 - 4/2020: 2mg/day of Valium

Hi Fenix

1/2019 - 6/2019: 2-3mg/day of Xanax + 10mg/day of Valium

6/2019 - 11/2019: 10mg/day of Valium

12/2019 - 2/2020: 5mg/day of Valium

3/2020 - 4/2020: 2mg/day of Valium

A few questions:

1. On 6/2019 when you suppressed 2-3mg/day of Xanax, did you feel any unsettling symptoms?

2. On 12/2019 when you cut 50% off the Valium dose and went from 10mg to 5mg/day of Valium, did you feel any unsettling symptoms?

3. On 3/2020 when you cut 60% off the Valium dose and went from 5mg/day to 2mg/day of Valium, did you feel any unsettling symptoms?

4. How do you feel nowadays with 2mg/day of Valium? Are the symptoms manageable? Are you stable? Do you feel comfortable to start the taper from 2mg/day of Valium?

Thanks.

 

1. On 6/2019 when you suppressed 2-3mg/day of Xanax, did you feel any unsettling symptoms?

Yes this was by far the worst part. My nervous system couldn't handle the shock and I went into psychosis. For several months I constantly thought there was this giant conspiracy against me. The feds were out to get me, people I knew were too. I thought every van going by was the feds surveilling me. If somebody didn't believe me then I assumed they were working for "them," etc.

I also had heavy mood swings, got hyperverbal a lot, and had disorganized thoughts. Lots and lots of anxiety, extreme paranoia, nightmares and night terrors too. I was also stopping heavy cocaine use at the same time (June,) so that contributed a bit. But quitting cocaine usually just makes you depressed and tired, it doesn't make you go full schizo. So I think this was 90% acute benzo withdrawal. A bit of tremors and shakiness, but no seizures thank God.

2. On 12/2019 when you cut 50% off the Valium dose and went from 10mg to 5mg/day of Valium, did you feel any unsettling symptoms?

For the most part I just felt anxious most of the time. It was nothing like the first cut. No more psychosis. I didn't have any kind of persecutory delusions that people were conspiring against me - that was long gone. No more night terrors or severe mood swings. I would feel okay maybe 50% of the time, and the rest of the time I would get random anxiety, or just generally feel down.

3. On 3/2020 when you cut 60% off the Valium dose and went from 5mg/day to 2mg/day of Valium, did you feel any unsettling symptoms?

Just more anxiety. Again the really nasty stuff was gone, like the delusions, the paranoia, and mood swings. It kinda felt like how most would describe GAD. Normal kind of anxiety; excessive but somewhat manageable. Lots of rumination - thinking back to random things and replaying them in my head: "why did I do that thing 1-2 years ago? That was stupid." Thoughts of that nature.

4. How do you feel nowadays with 2mg/day of Valium? Are the symptoms manageable? Are you stable? Do you feel comfortable to start the taper from 2mg/day of Valium?

I am stable for the most part. Again, all the schizo stuff is gone. It just feels like really bad GAD. It is uncomfortable, but manageable. I feel like 2 months on the same dose is long enough to start cutting back again, but I just need advice on how completely cutting back to 0mg should work exactly. 10 months is a good while for a taper, but it was a 4-year-long habit.

I miss Xanax every day, but I do not miss the horrors that come with addiction, or the things it would make me do.

Hi Fenix,

Thanks for the detailed reply. I've got that feeling that every time you cut, big storms with light and thunder kicked in bringing with them their lot of physical and psychological turmoils. But I also learnt in your case, with relief, that those big storms did pass letting you in a more stable yet anxious state nearly all the time.

Your case however is NOT UNIQUE! I happened to read many thousands of posts from buddies in BB and in the antidepressant world and I found the same thing over and over again.  Many more buddies than you can expect actually have gone through what you are experiencing. Gentlly most of them managed to come out of the mess. Your body has that capability to repair harms inflicted, from both outside and inside. This is by inheriting an evolution of half million of years where human kind has survived to become the marvelous mechanism it is today. Give it time and let it repair itself. The unsettling symptoms are a sign that your body is fighting its way to get stabilized again.

About your desire to taper off your last 2mg/day of Valium, it's realistic and perfectly achievable. Do not however put any time pressure on it. During this effort time must be your ally and not an enemy you fight against.

In your shoes I would do the following:

1. Make sure you are stable with 2mg/day to establish a solid base to start a Micro Taper

2. Research and select a Micro Taper Method: Dry Cut or Liquid Titration

3. Prepare yourself your medication or get it prepared by a phamacist

4. Create a tentative Taper Plan (here)

5. Launch yourself with the first micro reduced doses for a week or two!

6. Fine tune your Taper Plan, slow down if too fast, to adapt to the way your body reacts to the reduced dose

Wish you all the best!

Hello, Fenix.

That’s great news that you found a psychiatrist who is willing to support your taper.

Given that you are on a low dose of diazepam (2mg), if I were you, I would ask if she would be willing to prescribe the 5mg/5mL FDA-approved prescription oral solution of diazepam.  This will give you a safe and effective drug source that will support appropriately “small” (as determined by your unique physiology) reductions in dose using whatever schedule (e.g. daily, every other day, every week, every other week, monthly) works best for your unique physiology and circumstances.

Several members in the Valium/Diazepam Support Group are using the prescription oral solution with a variety of tapering schedules.  You might pop in there to ask them to share their experiences.  They are very kind and helpful.  Here is a link to the first page in the thread (to participate, go to the last page in the thread, and click the Reply button):

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=96753.msg1238323#msg1238323